Spanking

ORIGINAL: fuzzy_dogs_mom

My father was a spanker - big time.  Actually he used to pull off his belt and use that and I really believe that anyone behaving today as he did would be hauled off because what he did was physical abuse, pure and simple.

 
My dad never used the belt but it sure did scare my siblings and me.  He would take off his leather belt fold it over and *snap* it.  The sound alone would set us straight.  Just the idea that he “could” use it made us behave.

ORIGINAL: rwbeagles

'Spanking as relates to child rearing and/or gov't regulation thereof'

restating the topic once again...Billy...notice it says as relates to child REARING...not child MAKING....[] 
Thanks for your cooperation.

 
The topic appears, to me, to be about spanking and no reference is made, in the topic, to child rearing.  Are you saying you have no interest in Brad and his wife's spanking habits?  [sm=rofl.gif]
 
Okay, I will stop now.

ORIGINAL: probe1957

Keeping on topic, do you and your wife still spank each other, Brad?  [sm=devil.gif]

she only spanks me when i have been a REALLY bad boy!

Chelsea can I be real with you? I could care less if....at 3-4 years old...my kids know the full intricate WHY of any action that could result in their death or injury. What's important to me...is that they not do it again...ever.
 
"Because I said so"....is enough sometimes, IMO...and perhaps that is the issue with kids today...they feel everything should be explained,  to them so they can decide if they want to obey.

My mom once used a horse whip, needless to say that horse whip "dissapeared" magically [], the good thing is that she never looked for a "replacement" and decided to stay with the old hand technique (sometimes her flip flop) []

Chelsea can I be real with you? I could care less if....at 3-4 years old...my kids know the full intricate WHY of any action that could result in their death or injury. What's important to me...is that they not do it again...ever.

"Because I said so"....is enough sometimes, IMO...and perhaps that is the issue with kids today...they feel everything should be explained, to them so they can decide if they want to obey.

i could not possibly agree more with all of this.

my 3 yo is pretty intelligent for her age, but i do not expect her to understand why or how something is going to hurt if she keeps doing it, as long as she is aware that if she keeps doing it she's gonna get hurt. sometimes that requires a smack on the butt for her to recall what "hurt" means.

"Because I said so"....is enough sometimes, IMO...and perhaps that is the issue with kids today...they feel everything should be explained, to them so they can decide if they want to obey

 
See, and maybe I'm just too young, immature, inexperienced, whatever to think like this, but nothing makes my skin crawl like "Because I said so." I accidently said this to my niece (aforementioned cousin's daughter. I babysit her 50-55 hours a week, and have since she was 2 months old) in a store one day a couple weeks ago and about threw up. LOL. I have no idea where it came from, seriously, because I just think it's unnecessary. She was asking why she couldn't stand up in the cart, and it came out. I laughed and said "Whoops! No, not because I said so..because you might fall over and get hurt!"
 
Maybe it will be different when I have my own kids, and they're with me 24 hours a day, instead of 10. Maybe Alleen is naturally just exceptionally well-behaved. I guess I treat her more like an adult than a kid, and maybe that's a problem for some reason I can't see. It's not like I expect her to act like an adult, I just treat her like one. Does that make any sense? I wouldn't say to another adult "Because I said so." That's not how you talk to people. And I guess I just feel like it's not how you talk to kids either. It's working for us so far. And I wish you guys could be around her. You're probably all SURE she's a little terror and I'm just one of those psychotics who refuses to see the truth. [8D]
 
But I'm not trying to tell everyone else to treat their kids like adults. I'm just sharing my experience and opinions.

permission to go OT for one second?

chelsea, another idea i had prior to having my own kids, i thought baby talking to babies was silly and would inhibit their speaking skills, little did i know baby talking is the best thing for babies, it introduces them to speech. alot of pre-children ideas go out the window once you actually have them.

if your neice can learn from reasoning that is awesome. if it works why change it. just try to be open to the fact that all children are not as susceptible to certain disciplines. one of my freinds has had major success with timeouts. it does not work for my own child though. if i told my 3 yo not to run up and down the stairs because she could fall and get hurt she would stop. but only for about ten minutes.  after spanking her for it once she now associates running up and down the stairs with pain ( albeit very moderate), and usually stops herself before i have to. i'm fairly positive the majority of spankers do not like to spank their kids, but certain situations and children require doing what is necassary to keep them safe.

Well, I'm getting to this one a little late. Back when I was practicing, I was a staunch no-spanker. I didn't have kids then! I have spanked, and I've regretted it each time. I haven't done it a lot, and yes, sometimes it has been just about me. I've thought about this a lot today, and I kind of equate it with back pain. Used to be a lot of back pain was dealt with surgically. That's less in favor these days. Medication, exercises, physical therapy, accupuncture have all been found to be more effective in dealing with most back pain. It's less invasive and less potentially dangerous. That said, there are some types of pain that are only alleviated by surgery. But I think trying all the other steps first is the prudent course of action. So, to wrap up my analogy, the time outs, the explanations, the logical consequences where appropriate (which have been shown to be the most effective BTW) should be tried first, and spanking should be a last resort. Even then, I think it should be paired with another consequence (just like with surgery you would also do meds and exercises) so that the child learns. As an example, like running in the street. A spank to send the message home, but then the kid also isn't allowed to play out in the front yard for a couple of weeks. That way there's not just fear (the spank) but the logical consequence.

edited to clarify.

See, and maybe I'm just too young, immature, inexperienced, whatever to think like this, but nothing makes my skin crawl like "Because I said so.
 
Immature? no I don't think so, []...but age does lend a different perspective...so I do think you have a proper mindset for your age group.
At certain ages you question nothing...and at others you question everything.

Chelsea, I'm all for explaining things to kids.  I try to do it on a regular basis.  I'm not a fan of Because I Said So.  I'm also not a fan of commanding my children to or not to do something.  However sometimes it does become necessary.  There are times for instance when you don't have time to sit down and explain the why.  If I'm holding Kali in one arm, cooking dinner with the other, and trying to talk on the phone with someone, all at the same time, I don't have time to explain to Kale why he can't use my butcher knife to put peanut butter on his bread, even if it gets more pb out of the jar at a time.  Now this is not likely to happen specifically but just as an example, if I were to say,"Kale, not that knife, use a butter knife," I would probably get an answer like,"But mom look how much Peanut Butter I can get on this knife."  Now I know he is already prepared to be argumentative for whatever reason, and if I reply with,"You could cut yourself,"  I would get, "But I'll be careful."  This is not helping the situation.  Kale is still holding the knife, and is still therefore in danger.  If however he understands that when I say Because I Said So, it means I am not going to waver, he would have already put the knife down.  He needs to understand that ultimately I make the rules and that I always have a reason for them.  Later when there is time, I will sit down and explain it to him.   Another time that this comes in handy is when the child is in immediate impending danger.  Standing in the middle of the street with a car racing toward you is no time for explanations.  "Get off the road NOW!" needs to work now.  Not after an explantion.  And with my son at least that will get a quicker response than,"Kale, please get off the road."

Oh Candace, your life sounds like mine. Only colder!

Colder?[&:]I'm confused...

ORIGINAL: huskymom

Colder?[&:]I'm confused...

The weather . . . I'm guessing it's colder there than here in VA!

OOOOOO Ok!!! Yup its frosty up here!!! LOL  For some reason I didn't think you meant it that literally...