How do I tell him?

Oso,

 
That's part of my spanish nickname. Oso Blanco, de pinche Gringo.

ORIGINAL: Xeph

Yeah Billy, I get it.  I'm too young to be lost.  But the fact is, I am.  I am not your typical 21 year old that has dealt with the usual trials and tribulations.  I have gone through a LOT of crap that nobody else would want to deal with.

My own brother, in his schizophrenic hazes, has tried to kill me more than once.  I've had siblings sexually abused at schools.  I've been emotionally abused by my peers since I was little.

I went through high school without a single date or look of interest from boys, because I was the chubby black girl, instead of the cool, tall blonde.  Even my mormon friend had a boyfriend her senior year, and she wasn't allowed to date until she was 18 and it had to be in a group!  Nobody ever asked me to dances (and if I asked them they either already had dates or just said no), nobody ever asked me to just plain old DANCE.

I hate going to bars and clubs, don't know where else to meet people really...finding somebody I share interests with is difficult.  I'm the weird 21 year old that doesn't drink and doesn't party.  WTF is wrong with that girl!?  Why don't I go out?  Because I hate it, it's uncomfortable.  I'm really tired of people thinking that I'm having a seizure because my facial ticks are so severe.  It's embarrassing.

There are plenty of guys I'd like to nail...I should have a list.  I don't bother.  I don't like constantly being shoved in the pool of rejection.  Now I'm wondering why I'm even going to see Adam at all.

Xeph, I think you would be wise to seek help from a counselor.  If you resolve some of these rejection issues first, you may be in a better space to handle a relationship.  People develop patterns (mostly to deal with pain or fear) that can hamper their growth and understanding, and put them in the kind of perpetual tailspin you describe.  When you find out what your pattern is, and why you do it, you are much more likely to recognize red flags about people on your own, and be able to seek out healthy relationships that will give you the happiness you seek.  Remember, Oprah was a little fat black girl once, too, and look where she was able to go by seeking that kind of growth.  You can do it, too (well, maybe not be a billionaire LOL).  I have hope for you - and you have a loving community here that wants to see you succeed.  You go girl.

ORIGINAL: ron2

That's part of my spanish nickname. Oso Blanco, de pinche Gringo.

That sounds more like an insult to me []

Xeph, I think you would be wise to seek help from a counselor
 
I'm already in therapy.  Have been for the last 2 years.

I surely didn't mean to get you upset.  Since I'm 46, I'm looking back to my 20's and how carefree I felt.  Yes, I did go to bars and hang out and dance, but I definitely know it's not for everybody.

 
You didn't upset me.  I was literally asking what I should do.  I honestly don't know, because I don't like the things that "normal" 21 year olds like.  I think it's asinine and ridiculous.

If it weren't for the current boyfriend...

FWIW: and i know many of you will disagree. but i dont see current b.f. as a stumbling block here. i am assuming that you dont live with him? you definitely arent married to him? so i dont necessarily see what the big deal is.  [sm=2cents.gif]

ORIGINAL: Xeph

I surely didn't mean to get you upset.  Since I'm 46, I'm looking back to my 20's and how carefree I felt.  Yes, I did go to bars and hang out and dance, but I definitely know it's not for everybody.

You didn't upset me.  I was literally asking what I should do.  I honestly don't know, because I don't like the things that "normal" 21 year olds like.  I think it's asinine and ridiculous.

xeph,,,speaking as a 21 year old myself who doesn't do the typical 21 year old things, I know how your feeling about this. It seems almost impossible to get into a relationship without having to do things you hate. I'm not a very social person and tend to be shy and quiet in a group setting so I dont very often just get together with a group of people to "hang out" like most 21 year olds do. And up until recently this really bugged me, but I recently realized something. If I dont enjoy going to the bar, drinking, clubbing, hanging out in large groups but I do so in order to find a guy then the guy I find is going to like to do all the things I hate,,,and therefore it would be just plain stupid for me to get into a relationship with a guy I find while doing these things. But if I start doing stuff I enjoy then maybe I'll meet a guy with my same interests, I will for sure make new "just friends", and my life will be much more enjoyable. I can live very happily single as long as I am doing what I enjoy and what I feel God wants me to do with my life. So, I started volunteering at the local animal shelter, having one or two friends at a time over to my house for a quiet evening of talking and just chilling together, I play volleyball whenever I get the chance because I enjoy it, and so on. If you enjoy going to dog shows then grab your dog and hit some shows[sm=tex.gif], whatever it is that intersts you then get out and do it and you'll be amazed at how wonderful the friendships that you make are because you will have common interests with these people. And thats about all the wisdom I can give you, from one "stupid young" person to another[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=happy.gif]

ORIGINAL: jjsmom06
Yeah so Billy don't let this go to your head but I am going to actually have to agree with you for the second day in a row... I think I need to go to the doctor and have my head examined...[sm=uhoh.gif]

 
I am the way and the truth and the light.

but i dont see current b.f. as a stumbling block here.

 
I think because if you don't close a door, it's harder for that window to open.  I know they aren't married, but it's usually better for all involved to end one thing before starting somethning else.
 
Speaking from someone who has friends that learned that the hard way.  Women that date men that are "separated" and "working on a divorce" yet are out there dating just don't work.  Or even worse, cheats.  Don't start dating while leaving someone else hanging.  It just makes you feel guilty and worse about the whole thing and no one can really, truly move on to a better place. 

i guess what i was getting at is....  that unless there is some agreement of monogamy with your current boyfriend then why consider him exclusive?
xeph - do you consider you and your current boyfriend to be in a monogamous relationship?

ORIGINAL: cyclefiend2000

i guess what i was getting at is....  that unless there is some agreement of monogamy with your current boyfriend then why consider him exclusive?
xeph - do you consider you and your current boyfriend to be in a monogamous relationship?

 
I thought a boyfriend means monogamus relationship, friends with benefits would apply better to what you are saying if that was the case
 
So if i was single with a girlfriend and i intruduce her to another girl as "my girlfriend" does that mean that the other girl can feel free to hit on me because even when i call her "my girlfriend" no necessarily means i can not date someone else? or 95% of the girls would think i am "taken" already by indruducing her that way?

ORIGINAL: espencer

So if i was single with a girlfriend and i intruduce her to another girl as "my girlfriend" does that mean that the other girl can feel free to hit on me because

 
I dunno, Spence.  Which girl is cuter?  []

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: jjsmom06
Yeah so Billy don't let this go to your head but I am going to actually have to agree with you for the second day in a row... I think I need to go to the doctor and have my head examined...[sm=uhoh.gif]

I am the way and the truth and the light.

Oh boy could I ever get myself in some trouble right now....[sm=eek.gif]

ORIGINAL: spiritdogs
Oh boy could I ever get myself in some trouble right now....[sm=eek.gif]

 
Go for it.  It's not like you're a "trouble" virgin.  []

If I introduced a guy as my "boyfriend", it would mean I was signalling to others that the relationship was exclusive.  If I introduced him as "my date" or "the guy I'm seeing" that would mean it wasn't exclusive.  Small distinction, but important to me.
 
I wouldn't date a guy who referred to any other girl as his girlfriend. 
 
Kate