How do I tell him?

No way, men don't suck.  Fear sucks.
 
I don't know if I'd tell him you love him unless you can do it in person, so, I think you should see him in person and see how it goes.  Cuz, without seeing him in person for more than a weekend, you only know a small portion of him (even over the course of half a dozen years and innumerable conversations).  So, what you know of him, you love. See if you love him outside of the box (computer).
 
Make the call, but tell him you want to see him.  See what sort of conversation that prompts...

These are general q's one should ask before meeting a netguy or seriously going for it with regards to feelings one may have, so don't take anything I say as a dig at your or the guy, k? I married my cyber guy so believe me I know of what I speak...lol. They are questions really to ponder privately...I just want to share them with you...
 
Is he straight? You are sure? How are you sure?
 
Does he have a relationship of ANY kind IRL? Do you?
 
Do you discuss his dates with other people or your own?
 
Have you discussed matters that are intimate or sexual with him and he with you? Do you give kisses virtually upon signing off (or more than kisses [])?
 
Have you written letters to each other via USPS, and sent pictures and perhaps presents for birthdays and such?
 
Have you discussed his family...meaning parents, siblings, and such enough that you feel he is being truthful, no slip ups or wrong names...stories that change about death or illnessess in the famil etc? Have you seen pics of his family, or spoken with them online?
 
Have you discussed other intimate relationships and how and why those ended? Do you feel any tugs...even tiny, that he might have not been completely truthful about them? Why?
 
Do you feel he has been truthful about his job or means of support? Again...consistency of story and such...
 
Do you feel that you get what you give? IOW are you always talking and offering information and he never does?
 
Do you feel you listen to him more or that he uses you to vent a lot about things in life that bother him?
 
Now...5 years is a long time IMO to have never any moves made on his part towards meeting...serious ones. Is he a shy person? Have you guys webcam'ed? Do you speak a lot on the phone and it's more or less progressed to a phone based relationship rather than 'net?
 
In my deal....we both kinda just felt it...chatting, phone, letter, photos, it wasn't enough....we were so tight otherwise that they only thing we "didn't" know about was sexual chemistry...we had to meet to find that out...so we did. My and his rationale was that if I stepped off the plane and there was NO chemistry then we at least each had a really close friendship to share. It was really mutual...and we said our I love you's before we even met F2F because we did...love each other...whether we lusted each other was really the only question left to answer lol!
 
So I'd say 5 years is a long time...even if I were merely a chatter with someone that long, that consistently, I'd want to meet them and I'd tell them as much. Perhaps hard as it may be....put the love you say you feel aside and approach it as a friend to friend meeting...and go from there?

Is he straight? You are sure? How are you sure? Postive...he's had his fair share of girls...I know this because he's told me about them...and I've been there when he's broken up with the last couple.  And I'm just...*cough* sure
 
Does he have a relationship of ANY kind IRL? Do you? He did...now he doesn't  I do...but it's a bit rocky right now
 
Do you discuss his dates with other people or your own?  Yeah, when we have them.
 
Have you discussed matters that are intimate or sexual with him and he with you? Do you give kisses virtually upon signing off (or more than kisses [])?  *cough* That's kinda how we met.  We're RP junkies xD.  We always end with an ear nibble or something of the like.  It used to be we were just one of "those" kinds of couples...mess around, feel better, see you later.  ...And now we have pet names (damn it)
 
Have you written letters to each other via USPS, and sent pictures and perhaps presents for birthdays and such? Pictures and presents yes, neither of us has ever done letters because...we talk to each other everyday
 
Have you discussed his family...meaning parents, siblings, and such enough that you feel he is being truthful, no slip ups or wrong names...stories that change about death or illnessess in the famil etc? Have you seen pics of his family, or spoken with them online? Yeah, we discuss all that stuff.  I've never talked to his parents (he's pretty secluded in his room, and his parents are gone a lot), and we talk more about his dogs (He has two Pyrs from a rather well established breeder...I'm jealous) than his parents.  He's an only child.  I've seen pics of him with his mom and what not.
 
Have you discussed other intimate relationships and how and why those ended? Do you feel any tugs...even tiny, that he might have not been completely truthful about them? Why?  Well, the only other relationship I've ever had...is the one I'm in now (I must admit...I'm impressed with myself, first relationship ever and we've been dating for over a year).  I never feel any doubt about what he says to me (in regards to family and friends and what).  Hell, he's even honest that he's been drinking since he was 16 (which...in this day and age, isn't all that unusual, and no, he's not a drunk xD)

Do you feel he has been truthful about his job or means of support? Again...consistency of story and such... Yeah...he's pretty well established in what he does...I don't entirely understand what he does...all I know is he's bloody well smart, and he's finishing his last couple years of college.
 
Do you feel that you get what you give? IOW are you always talking and offering information and he never does? If I ask him something, he'll answer.  Does he really "offer"?  Sure, sometimes.  I probably do it more than he does...but it's been like that with most men I've met.
 
Do you feel you listen to him more or that he uses you to vent a lot about things in life that bother him? God...no, the poor guy listens to me vent more than anything.  He's pretty passive for the most part unless something really has his dander up.
 
Now...5 years is a long time IMO to have never any moves made on his part towards meeting...serious ones. Is he a shy person? No....I am
 
Have you guys webcam'ed? Do you speak a lot on the phone and it's more or less progressed to a phone based relationship rather than 'net? Webcam?  Sure.  Quite a few times.  Phone?  Not often, more because of my nerves than his.  I have his number, he has mine...we tend to use the microphones more often.  It just helps me "Settle in" I guess.  He records music for me ^_^ I love that.

So I'd say 5 years is a long time...even if I were merely a chatter with someone that long, that consistently, I'd want to meet them and I'd tell them as much. Perhaps hard as it may be....put the love you say you feel aside and approach it as a friend to friend meeting...and go from there?

I could be satisfied with that....heck, I'd be happy just spending a day talking to him, not worrying about anything else.

Does he have a relationship of ANY kind IRL? Do you? He did...now he doesn't I do...but it's a bit rocky right now

**CAUTION**
Not exactly a good way to manage a real-world/life relationship- considering telling another guy you love him.  Which then makes the point - what do you want to get out of telling OL friend you love him??

Does he have a relationship of ANY kind IRL? Do you? He did...now he doesn't  I do...but it's a bit rocky right now

 
I'd resolve this one way or the other before meeting.
I'd also make sure the reasons this one is rocky...won't follow me into the next relationship.
 
You said summer....so you do have time....that's a good thing []

[color=#990066]I'd also make sure the reasons this one is rocky...won't follow me into the next relationship.

[/color]
 
The reason this one is rocky is, admittedly...because of Adam.  I thought that once I was in a relationship with somebody where I live, it'd be fine.  I wouldn't be so concerned with him anymore...that's just not the case.
 
Do I enjoy my boyfriend?  yes, very much.  Do I feel as comfortable with him .....No.  I trust Adam with secrets I haven't let Mike know about, and I've been dating Mike for a year.  I trust Adam not to ridicule me when I'm having a hard time (And he doesn't).
 
Mike gets pissy when I'm upset and I don't tell him what's wrong.  He just doesn't get it that I don't tell him what's wrong, because he's Mr Passive Aggressive and it's always "Don't worry about it."  That doesn't help me...it just makes me angry.  I don't tell him anything...because he's not helpful!
 

what do you want to get out of telling OL friend you love him??

Well the obvious answer would be to hear "I love you too." But...overall, I just want the weight to be lifted.  Sometimes it just feels like my soul is being torn apart.
 
Am I obsessed?  No.  There are plenty of times when I don't think about him, or wonder what he's doing or anything.  But when I do?  My heart hurts.  I haven't felt in such a way about a guy since the 8th grade...

Do I enjoy my boyfriend? yes, very much. Do I feel as comfortable with him .....No. I trust Adam with secrets I haven't let Mike know about, and I've been dating Mike for a year. I trust Adam not to ridicule me when I'm having a hard time (And he doesn't).

could that possibly be because you dont have to see/talk to one another face-to-face?

could that possibly be because you dont have to see/talk to one another face-to-face?

 
I considered that once...but most of the secrets I've let go have been over the computer mic while we were watching each other on the webcam.
 
We had a discussion over New Year's about crushes and what not, and it ended up being a Murphy's Law evening.  I was talking about guys I'd had crushes on that I got over (it's a whole...weird thing), and he says "Well, what about the guy in New York?" (obviously referring to himself), and I replied honestly that I'd probably never get over it. .....And then my computer died, and I was going to go call him, and my PHONE died (because life just hates me like that).
 
He's my Oso, and more often than not these days, he calls me his Gatita (his kitten).  Sometimes we alternate between talking in English and Spanish, and sometimes I talk to him in Italian.  We just kinda...do it.  It's not intentional, we just kinda meld into talking like that.

You still need to work out your real world situation if you believe you love someone else in a way other than platonically.  You met OL friend in a RP forum, perhaps because fantasy is more fun for both of you.  If you want to keep it that way, as you have for the past 5 yrs, then carry on.  If you've turned a corner and want to make it a reality, meet him in person after you've worked out your current relationship.

The thing is, unless you have an "open" relationship, you're cheating on your current boyfriend and that isn't fair to him.

I also think that you don't know Adam well enough to be sure whether you really love him or are just infatuated with what you know so far. You may talk to him everyday, but you've only gotten to know part of him. I'm sure he has some traits that are just as annoying as your boyfriend's passive aggressiveness. Whether or not Adam is right for you is something you're only going to find after spending time with him in person. And if that's what you really want to do, then I say go for it. Life is to short to sitting around being scared and wondering "what if".

I have to agree with Luvntzus.  You might not be cheating physically, but you still are cheating and I'm not sure you can have it both ways.  You either want a total relationship with the BF or you don't, and keeping Adam in the picture isn't going to accomplish a total relationship with the BF.
 
I've developed some very strong friendships on line and some of them are with guys.  But, my DH knows about those friendships and I often share that so and so sent me jokes trying to lighten my mood or that so and so is having issues in his real life.  And sometimes, I'll ask what he thinks of the advice I'm thinking of offering, sometimes not, because once in awhile I feel like it *might* be a betrayal of the person in need.  But, generally we talk about everything that goes on in EACH of our lives and if something is bothering one or the other of us, the other knows.
 
I'm wondering if the energy that goes into the online relationship wouldn't be better put into a real world relationship?

I  totally agree with everything posted.....lots to think about!

Technology is great because it enables us to meet more people with like interests, but when I read your posts lots of red flags kept popping up in my head.  It's nice to think that you share something special with someone.  I mean, I consider some people here to be friends.  Glenda, for one.  But, if I suddenly moved to Michigan, next door to her, Glenda and I would probably find out lots more about each other than just our love for dogs and respect for our mothers.  Maybe she would like jazz and I'd like country, and never the twain shall meet.  Maybe her family would give me the creeps (I doubt it, but just for the sake of argument).  So, to say that you "love" someone that you have only met online, even if you've webcammed (is that how you spell that?) then I am worried.  It's easy to be taken in by the excitement of someone new, especially if your relationships have not been working out for you.  My advice to young people, or anyone, is always to go slowly, and evaluate the other person based on their goals, dreams, and on evidence of their accomplishments.  If someone is an only child, it doesn't mean they are spoiled (I can say that from experience growing up with strict parents).  But, if someone is admitting having been a drinker since the age of 16, and in the same breath telling you there's no problem with how they drink, I'd approach that with caution - why would they think you would think it a problem???  Is this guy still living at home with mom & dad?  If so, and he is of a certain age - why is he not an independent adult yet?  Most of what you've written doesn't speak to shared values, it speaks to infatuation and that "8th grade" feeling in the pit of your stomach, so I think that, while it might be nice to meet the guy in person, you should not consider "love" in the truest sense until you know him much better.  Friendship, which is all a "crush" really is, is a starting point, not an ending point.
If you've been doing this for five years, and he hasn't gotten off his duff to come and see YOU, my guess is that he may not be as "in to you" as you are in to him.  Not saying that's true, but with men, never listen to what they tell you - pay attention to what they actually DO.  If the doing doesn't match the talking - RUN. Every time I didn't pay attention to that simple rule (we soooo want to believe in them), the guy turned out to be a toad, not a prince. []
Good luck.

There are MAJOR red flags waving all over this thing, to me.  Wow!!!  I don't even know where to start.
 
You can't be in love with this guy.  Not intimate love anyway.  Not really.  You are in love with the fantasy of what YOU THINK this guy is.
 
To be honest, I am overwhelmed with the notion that someone needs to slap you.  []
 
Trust me on this.  I don't want to share the details but, I have ERSONAL knowledge...you can be absolutely anything you want on the internet.