How do I tell him?

Well, you can be in love with the fantasy of who you think someone is even when you know them in person... even when you've known them for ten years - especially when you're young - trust me, been there and definitely done that. I think that's part of being young, dumb, and in love... heartbreak, disillusionment, ahhh those were the days. Jackie, I think as long as you are safe about it and don't do anything hugely disruptive to your own life (marry, move cross country, get knocked up), well, you only live once. Go in with your eyes open but don't let fear drag you down. JMHO for sure!

ORIGINAL: jones
Well, you can be in love with the fantasy of who you think someone is even when you know them in person... even when you've known them for ten years -

 
I suppose it is possible in the sense that ANYTHING is possible.  Some people, I further suppose, are more gullible than others, especially young people.  My point was, all she has with this guy is fantasy.
 

ORIGINAL: Xeph

You know how everybody has a colossal fear they're not sure they can over come?  Well I've got two.

1. Spiders.  Terrify the crap out of me

I've been sitting here, staring at my cell phone for the last hour, wondering "Should I?  Is it a good idea?  What if he *insert terrible thing here*?"

My stomach is in absolute knots trying to make this decision of telling him how I feel, and just letting well enough alone.  I don't think I could stand losing him because common sense is getting in the way.

Bleh, men suck

1. Spiders are master creators and weavers...the also are very delicate.  Infinite wisdom in spiders.  Watch them more and resolve your fear.
 
2. My schpeal: [sm=soap%20box.gif]  If it were me (mind you I have never had any form of online love relationship), feeling the way you do after 5 years, I would meet him in person - safe place, time &.circumstance - especially since you're already planing a trip.  If it were even just an online friend, I would want the same at some point.  Lay your feelings on the line. The worst thing that could happen may be the best thing that happens.  Even if it it means all your hopes for this relationship are shattered.  Then you can move on.  Let the absolute truth set your stomach knots free!
 
3. All men do not suck.

ORIGINAL: probe1957

There are MAJOR red flags waving all over this thing, to me.  Wow!!!  I don't even know where to start.

You can't be in love with this guy.  Not intimate love anyway.  Not really.  You are in love with the fantasy of what YOU THINK this guy is.

To be honest, I am overwhelmed with the notion that someone needs to slap you.  []

Trust me on this.  I don't want to share the details but, I have ERSONAL knowledge...you can be absolutely anything you want on the internet.

Agree, you can just go and visit your other friend in NY, call him and say, "hey guess what? i'm going to visit a friend in NY maybe one of those days we can have a cofee"

I would handle this with really careful, specially if you dont know how his life is in "real life" you make all this fantasies in your head that he is perfectly fine, but is that true?

You said he give you hints that he wants to see you, does he knows you have a bf? that is not a good sign, if he knows you have a bf and still give you hintsthat he wants to see you, does not matter if he lives in the next street

Put yourself in your bf place, what would you do if you know that your bf has a female friend, talks with her often, he has feelings about her, she gives hints that she wants to see him even when she knows he is with you, and he is planning a trip to see her?

Pretty bad right?

I could write 3 pages of why you have really high chances that nothing happens with your online friend, starting with distance, traveling to see eachother, one of you moving into a different state, etc and even after all that the fact of having the problems of a normal relationship, not to mention not knowing for real what your friend does or does not do when he in not online with you

Maybe he feels comfortable that he "has" you but does not have to put up with the "where were you?", "why you are so late?", "why you were talking with that girl", etc and viceversa

Too many things to think about that i better stop right now

ORIGINAL: TAOofGoldyShep
3. All men do not suck.

 
Perhaps, but most of us are pretty scummy.  []

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: TAOofGoldyShep
3. All men do not suck.

Perhaps, but most of us are pretty scummy.  []

 
Agree not everybody is such a good guy as me (and i'm taken) []

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: TAOofGoldyShep
3. All men do not suck.

Perhaps, but most of us are pretty scummy.  []

Don't make me jump through the monitor and slap you silly Billy! [sm=devil.gif]

Xeph,
 
I kind of know what you're going through.  I won't go into details. 
 
I agree with the "let's have coffee" thing.  That's a safe way to have a face to face.  Who knows you may totally fall out of love with him once you meet him.  Coffee, though, is a much safer and more public way of saying hello in person. 
 
 

Mike isn't in the dark like everybody thinks he is.  He's known about Adam since day one.  He nkows how much I talk to him, what I do with him, etc etc.

My friend Craig (who actually lives in WI and I see on a rather regular basis) has been drinking since 17...most of the people I know have.  Always in moderation, but they do *Shrug*.

Is he living at home with his parents?  Yeah, but so am I.  He's not even 20 yet, and still attending college :-p

I'm on my way out the door, but I'll be back in a few minutes to edit and post more.
 
Edit:
I return.  I'm not going into this blind, and I am completely aware that I may absolutely detest him....but I also know a lot of his flaws, and acknowledge them.  When I'm infatuated with somebody, they can do absolutely no wrong.  Believe me...Adam's done wrong plenty of times (as have I to him).
 
The object is to go and chill out in the city (He lives about an hour outside of NYC), talk, get to know each other even better than we do.  I've no expectations of sex or anything of the like (Truth be told...I'd have an anxiety attack even thinking about it with him being that close), I just...want to see the man I've talked to for so long.
 
He's hinted at coming here, but honestly...I don't want him coming to WI (for the pure and honest reason of...I really don't want him meeting my family yet and there really isn't anything to do where I am).
 
The first time I meet him, I don't need him meeting my ADHD brother, my schizophrenic brother AND my mother.  I can be enough to deal with on my own, let alone trying to put my crazy family in the mix.  His family is much smaller...him, his mom and dad, and Casper and Tabu (his Pyrs).  It's less stressful (not by much, but it is).

Wow, TONS of good advice on this thread. Read it, re-read, and send a copy of the thread to him. 

Mike isn't in the dark like everybody thinks he is.  He's known about Adam since day one.  He nkows how much I talk to him, what I do with him, etc etc.

 
Maybe because Mike knows about Adam is one reason why he treats you as he does.  It probably hurts him, even if he won't admit it.  And I'm curious about the last part of that sentence - what do you do with Adam, you only know each other online?  Also, if you've been communicating with Adam for 5 years, wouldn't he already be braced to meet your not-perfectly-functional family?
 
I agree with what many have said, but I do understand that you are young and *think* you know what you are doing.  You will do as you wish, as many of us did at the same age, even though we are here 20 years later telling you these are the red flags we see.  Please proceed with caution.
 
Take care of yourself.

Also, if you've been communicating with Adam for 5 years, wouldn't he already be braced to meet your not-perfectly-functional family?

 
I know the people, and even I can't brace myself enough to deal with them[8|]  There's "not perfectly functional" and there's "Chaos".  My family would be "Chaos".

Excellent post, Tina.

ORIGINAL: sharismom

I agree with what many have said, but I do understand that you are young and *think* you know what you are doing.  You will do as you wish, as many of us did at the same age, even though we are here 20 years later telling you these are the red flags we see.  Please proceed with caution.

 
Very well said []

ORIGINAL: Xerxes
  I won't go into details. 

 
Oh come on, Ed.  []