Question for those of you with long marriages

if you ever marry an older woman with semi-adult kids (18 +), never ever let one of the dead beat kids move in with you especially if they are married too.

my wife's youngest son, 20 at the time and married to an 18 y.o., had exhausted all of the free-rides they were getting in colorado (where his dad lives). decided they wanted to move. came to live with us for a fairly short time, and royally f'ed up my life. things haven been the same since. i basically had to force them to get a job, and get their own place. wasnt easy, and i think my wife kinda resents that i dont particularly like her son.

since leaving our house, his wife left him (with their infant child, born shortly after leaving our house). she is now living in kansas with her mom. he shacked up with his wife's best friend, and got fired from his job. he got tired of the b.f., and hooked up with one of her friends. the best friend decided to take all his stuff while he was at the other girl's place. since then he has had a bastard kid with other friend and they are living with her mom. he has a part time job now. not to mention he has taken out several "loans" at those check cashing places, and they call our house continually looking for him.

i keep trying to find something in all that to like. at least he isnt as bad as his brother! [&:]

Well my first marriage lasted 3 months so that don't count. This ones been going strong for 7 years. i know thats not as long as the others, but i have to say, DH and i have been through some terrible times. Between my battleing with ex, family problems work, finances, his affair.
 
We have never let it get to us. We may get angry but we have always remained strong through it all.
I know in my heart this marriage will last. DH was my best friend since I was a kid.  And if we can get past everything that did happen, we can make it.

how about if you have been married for what seems like an eternity?

[sm=rotfl.gif]

deb - you obviously know what i am talking about.[]

loveukaykay, the grass is always greener on the other side.  But it's never as sweet.  []  Take it from a girl who's been "around" it's not all that it's cracked up to be.  Being with one person, exploring everything about them and having each other to lean on, is way better than that there grass over there. []

I married at 18 to my H.S. sweetheart and it lasted 21 years.  About 20 years longer than anyone predicted [].  You hear lots about the male mid-life crisis, but I actually went thru that myself starting about age 35.  Like Amy, I just really wanted to experience dating and just the freedom of being single.  We went thru counseling, which helped, but between my childishness and my DHs major insecurity over what I was feeling, it was pretty miserable for both of us.  After about 2 years of him holding on as tight as he could and my constantly pulling away, we called it quits.  We'd never had kids, so we split without too much discord and stayed friends.  I enjoyed the single life and dating, partying with friends, etc., but it didn't take long for it to get old.  I met my now DH about 3 years later and we've been married for 5 years. So...I think that the rough(er) times can hit at any point, but having a commitment to stick it out is what makes the difference.  When there's no way to "escape" out the backdoor, you'll work much harder to make what you've got work out.  That doesn't mean tolerating abuse (physical or verbal) or other serious issues like that, but it does mean that you don't pack up and leave because it's not fun anymore [].  Sorry if that ended up sounding preachy, but if I had it to do over again, I'd have worked much harder to make my first marriage work.  The grass is NOT greener on the other side....it's just different grass.

ORIGINAL: probe1957
I do not recommend introducing drugs into the equation. 

thats weird..i would have thought your wife would have been the one on drugs...and before you even met...strange..[]

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: loveukaykay
Im starting to realize that I have never experienced another man, on any level other than friends... and that intrigues me. 

Mark, you wanna field this one?  []

 I will have to get my wifes permission first,but yeah,absolutely,,,you seem like a very nice girl,and i have introductory rates for begginers...If you need my Number,please contact Billy's wife....[]

ORIGINAL: MhadDog
thats weird..i would have thought your wife would have been the one on drugs...and before you even met...strange..[]

 
Well, perhaps you should consider the possibility that I just might have some kind of AWESOME and INCREDIBLE attribute that would overshadow any and all of the negative aspects of the package.  []

I have been married to my wife for going on 13 years this comming february...

 for me the hardest part was 8 years in,and we were both going through some pretty stressfull times...I messed up and made a mistake(a combination of depression that has been with me since i was a kid,and my own stupidity)but i dont blame anyone but myself for my behaviour.

 I would say its probably been tougher on my wife throughout our marriage.I was always kind of a loner,and it probably made me more selfinsh than i should have been..it is something i like to think i am working out after all these years...

And i can tell you honestly that after all these 16 + years that i have known my wife,i still love her as much as when we first met.i still have a hard time showing it as much as i should,because i let pressures from outside keep me from thinking of whats important...somedays you have to take a deep breath and tell the people you love what they mean to you..

It's so great reading about all of your lifes.  Really makes me think a lot about where I'm headed. 
 
I'm not married but I'm only at the beguing of wherever my life may take me.  I might as well share the little I have to say up till now, I've been with my Boyfriend for  a little over 4 years now and althought the idea of marriage has come up several times we both know we are not ready.  He's graduating college this year and still has 4 more years of grad school, me, I have no clue where my life is going.  He proposed to me only 2 weeks after we first meet, he even bought me a ring.  He knew from the beguining that he did not want to let me get away.  Well... I am still wearing that ring and I made a ring for him in my metal arts class.  It get harder every year for us and sometimes I don't know if we will last threw grad school.  We still hold on to each other and really care about one anouther but in just the 4 years we have been together our lifes have both changed in many ways.  I hope it all last and he says the same but for now we do the best we can to hold on.  I hope our story is as happy as many I have read here.[]

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: MhadDog
thats weird..i would have thought your wife would have been the one on drugs...and before you even met...strange..[]

Well, perhaps you should consider the possibility that I just might have some kind of AWESOME and INCREDIBLE attribute that would overshadow any and all of the negative aspects of the package.  []

 are you saying your charisma makes up for your ken(the doll)like smoothness ,or do you have alot of money?

We have been married for 26 yrs  and together for 30 lived in sin for 4 yrs. now for the past 2 yrs I have been living in FL and he is still living and working in NY. we see each other every 2 months. the reason for this is that we sold our house in NY at the right time and he built our dream house here to retire .absence makes the heart grow fonder.[]
 we are fortunate and blessed as well



 
 

ORIGINAL: MhadDog

If you need my Number,please contact Billy's wife....[]

 
That is VERY offensive.  Speaking of wive's, did you get that $20 I left on your nightstand the other night?  []

I have no awesome or incredible attribute. I'm good at lifting heavy things.
The first time I was married (1987 - 1992) was 5 years and 4 months. And we had only dated about 4 months. Then, my first wife passed away 7-28-92.
 
My current wife, we dated and lived in sin for a little over 7 years and got married 4-29-00.  Our toughest times are when money is tight. But we don't argue. And one of the most important things I have found in being married is to learn how to listen. Hush up and listen.