An elderly friend is diing

You are both in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts and prayers

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Maureen.  I remember you posting about her and I always thought how wonderful  it was that you had a continued relationship with her.  I know it's hard to say goodbye, whether it's in person or just in your heart.  I hope your memories of the good times is some comfort to you.  I hope she passes peacefully.  

I'm so sorry Maureen. Prayers for a peaceful passing for your friend and comfort and peace for you and her family.

Maureen, thinking of you and sending comforting vibes your way at this sad time.  I, too, remember you mentioning this special friend and how you went to lunch together.  I remember thinking how nice that was.

You can only do what feels right for you, but if I can share something from my own experience (or my mother's experience, actually).  An old friend of my Mom's had Alzheimers the last few years of his life.  Before he got ill enough to be transferred to a care facility, my mother saw a lot of him and his wife -- meals together, shopping trips, etc.  They spent lots and lots of time together because they couldn't drive and my Mom had time to help them.

It was very hard for my Mom to see him in the facility because he would be either agitated or distant, and didn't recognize her.  In his final days, my Mom did go in to see him, but she ended up wishing she hadn't.  It was so upsetting to her that she would remember him as she saw him that day -- that visit sticks vividly in her mind, over-shadowing memories of happier times.  So, for my mother, it wasn't the best thing to visit him.  I don't know how I'd feel if I were in her shoes or your shoes . . . I have a feeling I'd be like my Mom because we have the same emotional make-up.  

Whether or not you do visit her, she'll always be in your heart.  I hope it gives you some comfort to imagine her reunited with those who've gone before her.  Peaceful thoughts to you and her family.

I'm so very sorry.  Prayers for the lady and wishes for a peaceful passing, but also prayers for her family and for you.

Thanks everyone for your wishes and thoughts. I didn't have to make a decision, as she passed away last night. Her daughter called me about 10. Her daughter wasn't with her, as she'd gone home, not expecting this to happen so soon. Felt bad for her as she just sounded like she was so shocked. She went peacefully though. The last couple of years that I took her out for lunch, sadly I felt like it was a chore. There really hadn't been much conversation for many months. I knew though that she did enjoy the outings, in whatever part of her mind she had left and why I continued to take her out. It just was so hard to just come and sit with her in the nursing home.  I also have another elderly friend and she is 91 or 92. Met her several years back when we both did taxes thru RSVP. She has her full faculties, probably more than I :) She's a hoot. She just recently sent me a little story she'd written, of her younger days when she joined the Service. Hope I get to have a few more luncheons with her.

Maureen, I'm sorry to hear the sad news, but it sounds like she went peacefully, which is what we all can hope for.  I'm sure her daughter appreciates the presence you had in her Mom's life.  Sending good vibes to both of you.

Your other friend sounds like a neat lady.  Did she write that story recently?  How cool is that?  Maybe you could ask her for some other stories and you could collect them in a little scrapbook or something.  I can just imagine the kinds of things she could describe, having experienced some of the changes the world has seen in the past near-century:  changes in transportation, TV, music, technology, etc.  She's like a living history book!

Maureen -- I've been seriously "out of the loop" this week so I'm only just now seeing this.  A few years ago we did a lot of pet therapy at an Alzheimer's home near here -- Muffin and Foxy **loved** it.  (the facility became "not good" and we had to stop going).

There is a point with Alzheimer's where it is simply a blessing when they pass.  When they become totally shut down or easily agitated it is often better to curtail visits.  I learned to only go when the good far outweighed the bad.

That said - you provided her with a wonderful friendship at a time she needed it.  Feel no guilt about stepping back ... as I said  there are times it's counter-productive and her daughter understands that I'm sure.  

My heart breaks for you as *you* grieve as well.  There is a particular type of grief with this -- because it's not simply that someone isn't around ... but there is such a long period of time when that person you knew just "isn't there" any more and yet the shell remains and is so shut down.  It's very difficult to watch and deal with.

Rest easily that you didn't just befriend  her -- her whole family likely appreciated  your visits simply because it was a "light" .  It helped pass the time, helped keep her mind as occupied as possible.  You did a very good thing, Maureen.  From here, remember the good, and choose that to ponder.  I love my elderly friends.  I learn so much from them.

Yup she just wrote it recently. She joined a writing club and that's what got her going on this. I asked her once what she thought was the greatest invention....and she has certainly seen or heard of many. Her answer was the microwave.  : )

@nymaureen

  Her answer was the microwave.  

Or, as they called it in the movie, "American Hustle" -- the science oven!  . 

Callie, I agree with everything you said.  Alzheimer's is especially hard on the family and caregivers, more so than on the patient.

Thinking of you!

I just saw this. So sorry. Here in the UK I used to work for the Alzheimers Society. You did a good thing in visiting when you did and shouldn't beat yourself up for not visiting more. Dementia is so tough on everyone.

Maureen, I am so sorry to read the news. Hugs for you and her family.