Potential conflict w/ Best friend over dog

ORIGINAL: ashland

ORIGINAL: lokis_mom

Olinda- I'm single right now, but I already know that when I start dating again, it's going to be completely different this time around. They will definitely have to pass the Ash test. If they can't respect my dog, they don't belong with me.

 
Good for you!!! I am a widow, don't date and I am okay like that.  My friends and family finally understood that,  and have stopped trying to set me up.  After 8 yrs of marriage I was more in love with my husband than the day I married him, and I still am.  So, good luck to you in finding Mr.  Right []

My best friend wanted to get an apartment together.

I'm 22, and she's 20. I said no. Emma can't live in an apartment. She needs more space than that, and she needs lots and lots of exersize. She'd get stir crazy, and be very hard to deal with, and we might get in trouble for the barking. Emma's also incontinent. Not good for carpets. Fortunately, she is great with Emma, and understood.

Then, she had a baby. Now, she really gets it. Of course, babies and dogs are different, but.... they depend on us for their every need.

I live with my parents, for now. I don't mind, and neither do they. In a couple of years, when I can, I'll try to find an inexpensive house. I'm saving money for my down payment, now.

ORIGINAL: jennie_c_d

My best friend wanted to get an apartment together.

I'm 22, and she's 20. I said no. Emma can't live in an apartment. She needs more space than that, and she needs lots and lots of exersize. She'd get stir crazy, and be very hard to deal with, and we might get in trouble for the barking. Emma's also incontinent. Not good for carpets. Fortunately, she is great with Emma, and understood.

Then, she had a baby. Now, she really gets it. Of course, babies and dogs are different, but.... they depend on us for their every need.

I live with my parents, for now. I don't mind, and neither do they. In a couple of years, when I can, I'll try to find an inexpensive house. I'm saving money for my down payment, now.

 
Ash needs more room too. She was a gift though, and so I have to make it work. I can't afford more than an apartment. So because I feel guilty for having her in an apartment, I spend that much more time exercising her. She goes to agility classes now too and will soon be starting herding (yay!). I walk her, run her, dog park her, play catch with her, anything to tire her out so the fact that we live in an apartment isn't even an issue in her doggie mind (I hope). She's never lived anywhere but an apartment so she never has any accidents. Plus, once my parents came around and stopped convicing me to give her away so I could "be young", they became VERY supportive and Ash goes to my mom most of the time while I'm at work. I couldn't ask for better parents.

Ash needs more room too. She was a gift though, and so I have to make it work. I can't afford more than an apartment. So because I feel guilty for having her in an apartment, I spend that much more time exercising her. She goes to agility classes now too and will soon be starting herding (yay!). I walk her, run her, dog park her, play catch with her, anything to tire her out so the fact that we live in an apartment isn't even an issue in her doggie mind (I hope). She's never lived anywhere but an apartment so she never has any accidents.

That sounds wonderful, for Ash! Emma can't do most of that stuff due to physical and temperamental issues, so it'd be really tough for her to live in a small space. I'd also hate to keep her in a diaper, all the time, with the lack of bladder control. She already has trouble with yeast infections, from staying damp. I'm sure a diaper would make it worse.

Poor Emma! I wish I had a friend who understood the way yours did. My friend just doesn't get it. Even if my dog had the issues that Emma has, she would still be getting mad. I know it. Grr . . . dilema.

Thankfully, Stacy's mom is an animal person Stacy has a cat, but isn't crazy, like we are.... She gets it, though, for someone who isn't a "dog person". 

My friend Kaitlyn, that's her name, is the kind of person who wants a dog so she can put it in her purse and take it shopping. We've actually gotten into many arguments over this kind of stuff. She hates animals. She really has no compassion for them at all, but she wanted a dog because she saw the celebrities walking around with them.
 
Kaitlyn is a great person, she really is. But there are parts of us that are so night and day and sometimes those parts of her make me wonder how we've stayed friends for as long as we have!

I think this may be a bad idea if you both move back in together especially if she does not like dogs. You said that you had lost contact for a while and now her boyfriend is moving away and she does not want to live by herself,  I feel this is the only reason she is back in contact with you. Also you work together, so you will see each other at work and go home to be together again.
 
You are in your routine with Ash and she would not like that, it seems she doesn't now. Another thing how do you feel about her boyfriend being there every weekend, I'm sure that will be the case, them going out partying all night coming home waking you up. As soon as you say something there would be arguments.
 
I would tell her for the sake of your relationshipand the fact you work together you feel it would not work, and at this point in your life you are happy living alone and thats the way you want it.
 
A true friend will understand your feelings.

ORIGINAL: mallymute

I think this may be a bad idea if you both move back in together especially if she does not like dogs. You said that you had lost contact for a while and now her boyfriend is moving away and she does not want to live by herself,  I feel this is the only reason she is back in contact with you. Also you work together, so you will see each other at work and go home to be together again.

You are in your routine with Ash and she would not like that, it seems she doesn't now. Another thing how do you feel about her boyfriend being there every weekend, I'm sure that will be the case, them going out partying all night coming home waking you up. As soon as you say something there would be arguments.

I would tell her for the sake of your relationshipand the fact you work together you feel it would not work, and at this point in your life you are happy living alone and thats the way you want it.

A true friend will understand your feelings.

 
Well, we didn't lose contact. She just kinda stopped hanging out and our calls were less. But we never really lost touch. Eventually, she started hanging out every so often, but nothing like before. And that's only because I made an effort though to keep seeing her. Other friends of hers just kinda got cut off after she met him. I never had a problem with it though because we're such good friends and I really like her boyfriend. They're great together.
 
But I did think about him coming on the weekends and the issues that would bring up and I agree. We would argue because they would be waking us up. It just wouldn't work, bottom line. I really don't see how she can't see that or if she's just upset that I said no.
 

I think all the misgivings you're having are telling you that this situation just isn't right for you or Ash.  Can you just imagine trying to live with someone who didn't really like your dog?? You're saving yourself a ton of grief by figuring this out now - before you sign a lease. [] When the *room-mate* situation is right, you'll know it.

Joyce

ORIGINAL: jennie_c_d

That sounds wonderful, for Ash! Emma can't do most of that stuff due to physical and temperamental issues, so it'd be really tough for her to live in a small space. I'd also hate to keep her in a diaper, all the time, with the lack of bladder control. She already has trouble with yeast infections, from staying damp. I'm sure a diaper would make it worse.

 
I may be sounding credulous, but HomeoPet has a product called "Leak No More", which is precisely for urinary incontinence, someone I know is using it with her Llapsa Apso.  Have you heard of it?  I always enjoy the pics of Emma, she is such a beauty.

I may be sounding credulous, but HomeoPet has a product called "Leak No More", which is precisely for urinary incontinence, someone I know is using it with her Llapsa Apso. Have you heard of it? I always enjoy the pics of Emma, she is such a beauty.

Yep. I haven't gotten any, yet, but I keep eyeballing it. I'll probably get some, soon. Em's having to sleep in a diaper, now. She keeps on wetting the bed. The pile of blankets remedy is tiresome, and wearing out the washing machine, LOL!

Of course, washing the blankets regularly helps BOTH of us, allergy wise[]

i personally prefer my privacy, so i would have said no to a roommate based solely on that. also, at 25 i think your friend needs to do a little growing up and realize that living alone isnt a bad thing.

i would tell her that i prefer living alone and she should find someone else to be roommates with if she absolutely needs one. that way it isnt about your dog, it is about your own wishes.[sm=2cents.gif]

Your definatly not alone here!  I am 20 and face the same problems. I love my dogs so vey much and they are so important to me. I find it really hard when my friends say they are 'just dogs'. I also cancel plans if they have not been exercised enough. I also get frustraited when someone just shows up and expects me to go out. I need to make sure they are ok first. Good luck

You seem to have a clear idea of what's good for you and your lifestyle, so put your foot down. If she attempts to push you once you've stated your position, she's really being inconsiderate and controlling. Making a judgement call about whether "just a dog" is a valuable priority is not her call to make - it's your life.
 
Ashland, you really need to read Pack of Two by Caroline Knapp - I think you'd relate very closely to Knapp's relationship with her dog and some of the struggles she's had because of it. It's a great read.