Dog Community

Posted : 9/15/2010 10:08:06 PM

I just wanted to say (((HUGS))) Shamrock. Don't ever worry about hijacking my thread. You need to get it out, you need to talk. We, this forum, is always here for you. For the fun stuff and the hard stuff.

I also wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing. I am really really really crabby right now because of some other stuff and don't much feel like responding, but I do appreciate it and it does provide me with some perspective and ideas. The one thing I can't remember who said it, was I don't think he realizes that "I" work all day. He thinks that because I sit at a desk it's easy. No, I'm not digging ditches or anything, but it's mentally exhausting. Like I said, I am really crabby (you can check Mindless Chatter if interested) so I better stop.

Thanks!!!

shamrockmommy

Posted : 9/15/2010 10:41:46 PM

The thing is, whether you work or are a stay at home parent- both jobs are work. Both are challenging. But I do think the Sahparent can handle throwing in the laundry, loading dishes in the dishwasher, tidying up, etc. And dinner most of the time. Feel better, Lisa. Maybe it's the weather. i've been crabby and emotional all day too.

miranadobe

Posted : 9/15/2010 11:23:18 PM

(((hugs))) to the moms and dads.

Lisa, at least your DH isn't refusing to do things because they "aren't done well enough" to your standards.... that's one excuse I've heard waaaay too many times withe SAHDads. I have no advice, just lots of support and encouragement.

lorib

Posted : 9/16/2010 1:20:06 AM

When my DSs were little, I stayed at home and had a part time job at home--did bookkeeping for my FIL. My DH is gone about twelve hours a day, so that makes for a looong day with two boys only a year apart. We dividied chores like this: he made 85% of the $, so I did 85% of the chores.

He ALWAYS does his share with the boys. When they were both in diapers, he changed his share. He gave baths, got them ready for bed, fed them, etc. We BOTH did this since we are BOTH their parents.

There is no such thing as "man's work" and woman's work" in our household. We both clean the kitchen, we both do laundry, we both take the dogs out. I usually buy the tires for the vehicles and he does the repairs since he is a mechanic. I unclog the toilets and he will often dust and vacuum.

When we both worked full time, we had our house cleaned. Boy, do I miss that!

Chuffy

Posted : 9/16/2010 7:39:31 AM

If I manage to get one or two loads of laundry clean, run the dishwasher and Hoover the lounge, I feel like I've had a really productive day! The only womens work in our house is feeding the baby... But I do try to do most or all of the house work and parenting stuff. I usually expect dh to help with bedtimes, more so that he is involved with the kids and has some quality time with them each day than because of any idea of sharing the chores. It's not that I find parenting hard, more that sometimes dinner needs cooking at the same time the baby needs changing... I feel bad that he's worked physically all day and is feeling achey and tired... But I can't help it if I only have one pair of hands.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 9/16/2010 2:50:43 PM

shamrockmommy
The thing is, whether you work or are a stay at home parent- both jobs are work

Exactly this! And Shammy, you're actually carrying a double load because you're not only taking care of your kids but you're home schooling too. The only difference between you and any other teacher is the class size.

Joyce

Kindredspirits

Posted : 9/16/2010 9:26:59 PM

Speaking from a SAHM's prospective, I don't think you are expecting too much at all. If anything I think you work too hard Lisa. I agree with the others who suggested getting a white board and writing down what you would like him to accomplish during the day, it might help. And if you haven't already, just sit down and tell him how your feeling. You sound so overworked and like you need some help.

mrstjohnson

Posted : 9/16/2010 9:33:54 PM

Just wanted to say that I came home from work today and the kitchen was spotless and the family room was vacuumed!!!

sl2crmeg

Posted : 9/16/2010 9:37:58 PM

Click-treat for mrtjohnson! Yay!

FWIW we do the white board thing too. I got a really cute one at Target for $5 :)

mrstjohnson

Posted : 9/17/2010 5:44:40 AM

sl2crmeg
Click-treat for mrtjohnson! Yay!

I know, totally!

For a minute there I was wondering if he was peeking on here and saw the thread. LOL

.stacer.

Posted : 9/17/2010 12:27:29 PM

Granted I am a little late, but what the heck....FWIW, I use a whiteboard too. I have a DH who absolutely NOT help out if he doesn't know what to do. We've had many conversations about it. He honestly doesn't realize what needs tidying/cleaning and when. His standards of clean are quite "guyish", not what I would always call clean. I am also ridiculously OCD about cleaning, if I can't absolutely scrub something/pull it apart/etc., then I won't clean it. If I ask him to say vacuum, mow the lawn, tidy the basement, wash the floors, he will do it no problem, but he wouldn't think to do it on his own. So we have a whiteboard in our kitchen. I put the jobs on it that need doing for the week and we cross them off. For us, it avoids arguements.

Stay at home moms opinion needed (mrstjohnson)