What's her deal?! (BlackLabbie)

Sounds like me & my dad whatever I do,say,buy. I get well how much was that and you don't need that, I bought him something for his birthday pressure washer thing that goes on the hose he didn't like it and I told him I can return it and just hand you over the cash well if thats what you wanna do. My father and I don't get along it's a love hate or like hate. I even told him that if one of my other two sisters or brother brought him that gift he would of loved it. No I'm not like that my mom even agrees with me.

He then claims that we gang up on him and I bother him. about 3 weeks ago he said to me he wasn't even my real father he doesn't tell my sister's or my brother that.  I say I'm thinking about moving to Brooklyn he gets mad oh nothing there for you. As if he would miss me.

He treats me very different from my sister's and brother everyone see's it. If he gets into an argument with my brother or sister's he'll call up saying sorry and being nice he doesn't do that to me. He names calls me. I told him recently that he's lucky I just don't punch him right in his mouth but I can't hit my father even tho I would love to plus he has a heart condition. I bought him a tv cost me over $1200 he isn't and wasn't happy at with it making comments I told him I don't see any of ur other kids buying you something that you kept saying you really wanted, then it's oh I need one for my bedroom.  I've told him no I will not buy you another tv again.

He is never happy with anything I do, it hurts like hell to know I'm treated different from the rest. I just deal with it when we were younger he was the same way my older sister and I always got hit but what he did after was headed over money or bought us whatever we wanted. He named called us hit my mom he still name calls me and my mom.  I feel bad for my mom because she will never leave him she's been with him since she was 15yrs old she'll be 53yrs old this year.

I'm sure your mom would miss you and part of her eye rolling and comments are because she will and she's probably jealous of you some what.  Honestly I don't know because I'm still trying to figure out what I ever did to my father to act the way he does towards me.

Good luck 

Comeback line for her next critisim:

"YOu like movies?  There's this movie, 'Bambi'- you might know it...  well there's this little baby rabbit- 'Thumper' if I recall correctly.   There's this line in the movie he says "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all..."  

Exit stage left. :)

When they say "honor your mother" it doesn't mean that you have to submit to a toxic relationship.  IMO, the way you honor your parents is to live a decent, loving, self-sufficient life, which  you seem to be doing.  You cannot be made to feel "less than" without your permission, so you shouldn't give it.  It's disheartening to hear the negativity expressed on both sides of this relationship, but you can't be faulted for planning ahead for your own future and that of your own children.  Too bad the joy of that planning isn't something she wants to participate in.

spiritdogs

Too bad the joy of that planning isn't something she wants to participate in.

BlackLabbie

micksmom

Hey Stephanie, do we have the same mother?  Seriously, my mother has done similar stuff.  I've learned the easiest way is to anticpate the remarks.  That way they don't hurt so much.

I've been trying to do this^, almost like bracing myself. It's so hard not to snap back at her, but lately I just feel tired of it all. Tired of holding my tongue an tired of fighting, tired of hearing her bitch me out and talk smack about my Dad (she's married to him, they're not divorced),...

It is hard and tiring.  There are times I've just broken down and sobbed in my husband's arms asking him why I have to have a mother who does that (among other things).  I'm another one who doesn't share a lot of what we're doing with my mother so she can't pull the "Negative Nillie" on me (btw- whoever used that term earlier, I LOVE IT!).  Being further away will help-, although I often think the 2 1/2 hours distance we are from my mother isn't enough.   Caller ID and answering machines have become my best friend over the years, tho. 

 BTW, Stephanie, where in NY are you moving?  I grew up in the Catskills, not far from the town of Woodstock.

shamrockmommy

Comeback line for her next critisim:

"YOu like movies?  There's this movie, 'Bambi'- you might know it...  well there's this little baby rabbit- 'Thumper' if I recall correctly.   There's this line in the movie he says "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all..."  

Exit stage left. :)

 Aaa, but you see, my mother would turn around and say she wasn't saying anything mean, she was just making sure I was happy with my decision, etc.

BlackLabbie

"What? Have *his* kids because *he* wants you to? Or does his mother want grandkids?"

miranadobe

BlackLabbie

"What? Have *his* kids because *he* wants you to? Or does his mother want grandkids?"

 Told you - she's victimizing you.  How awful is THAT?!  To try to make you see your life through the lens of a victim!  Probably why you can't relate.  Does she have a good relationship w/your dad?  Because this has been sounding (even before this statement above) that she harbors some resentments toward someone.  Which is almost always blame that should be placed on ourselves, but is easier to create ourselves as the victim and someone else as the cause of the problem.