Dog Community

Friends w/ the ex?

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:33:49 PM

I'm a newlywed. Extremely happy with my marriage and my DH. We've been together for over 7 years, we're 100% committed to one another- always have been.

My SUV is having 4WD issues (it's stuck in 4WD). Jeremy has tried everything he can think of to fix it, without success. My ex is an auto mechanic. I really don't have the money to spend on bringing my car to a mechanic (nor do I really want to spend money on it) so I contacted my ex on FB about my truck and he said to bring it into his shop and he'll look at it. If it needs parts that's all I'll pay for, no labor. He has a gf who he's serious about. But, when I contacted him he started getting flirty, ugh. I was blowing off his comments (you're hubby is so lucky, I made so many mistakes with you that I wish I could fix, blah blah blah). My ex and I broke up 10 years ago, but he has called me on my bday every year since then, but I stopped talking to him and let it go to voicemail when I met my DH. Oh, and he's the one that has friended me on FB, and this is the first time we've ever talked on it.

What would you do? Bring it to another mechanic? Or to my ex where I know I'd save money (which is very important to me right now)? I told my DH I contacted my ex. DH wasn't mad, he just wanted to know what he had to say about my truck, lol.

Liesje

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:36:17 PM

Have your DH drop off the truck.

miranadobe

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:37:10 PM

BlackLabbie
What would you do?

I'd have DH drop off the truck.

erica1989

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:37:41 PM

I would go to the ex, but bring hubby along.

I've got a similar friend - every now and then I hear from him. He tried in HS, it didn't work. but we are still friends. He's now married, and I'm in a relationship. but every now and then he will pop up and say 'man, I screwed up back then', etc.

maggiesmommy

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:44:07 PM

I personally would go to a different mechanic, but, I have some sleazy exes that won't let the past stay the past...other relationships or not..

BlackLabbie

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:52:41 PM

Oh, totally forgot to add:

DH would definitely be going with me to drop off my truck. I wouldn't go alone Plus, I need a ride after I drop it off.

The ex isn't sleezy or anything. He went to college to be an auto mechanic, and he and his best friend opened their own place 15 minutes from my house.

cakana

Posted : 1/26/2010 6:53:41 PM

If he's a really good mechanic and will save you some money, I'd have DH follow you in his car and then drop it off. Unless you were going to hang around while he fixes it, you'd need a ride anyway and that makes the whole thing seem natural.

JackieG

Posted : 1/26/2010 7:00:46 PM

My advice is to pay full price. You won't have to feel like you used him.

grab01

Posted : 1/26/2010 7:15:24 PM

I'd drop the car off and have your husband pick you up, as suggested above.

Since he offered to do it at a reduced cost, I'd not feel like it was a using situation

Cita

Posted : 1/26/2010 7:22:31 PM

Go to drop it off with DH, and then if the ex helps you out and gives you a good deal, have your DH (when you both go to pick up the car) give him a 6-pack of nice beer? ("Thanks, man, we really appreciate it!";) Though if it's really making you feel uncomfortable, I'd trust your gut... you have to decide if the money saved would be worth the possibility of escalating the flirtation/uncomfortableness.

miranadobe

Posted : 1/26/2010 7:33:21 PM

Ok, this is bad... but I'm thinking of how much you've done to improve your health over the last year, and if he hasn't seen you in that time, then he will be eating his heart out.

Cita, as usual, has wisely said to trust your gut. What's it telling you? Do you think you can handle his flirtations, if they persist?

Liesje

Posted : 1/26/2010 8:01:40 PM

miranadobe
Ok, this is bad... but I'm thinking of how much you've done to improve your health over the last year, and if he hasn't seen you in that time, then he will be eating his heart out.

Yeah, might be kind of fun to go, actually. Be flirty back and tease him a little. His loss!

luvmyswissy

Posted : 1/26/2010 8:04:54 PM

Cita
Go to drop it off with DH, and then if the ex helps you out and gives you a good deal, have your DH (when you both go to pick up the car) give him a 6-pack of nice beer? ("Thanks, man, we really appreciate it!";)

Ditto

Have the ex fix the car and save the money. Have DH give the thank you. If on FB or whereever he flirts again tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and you would like to keep you friendship, just that, friendship!

tiffy

Posted : 1/26/2010 8:07:49 PM

Men are pigs! Him even bringing up the past, when all you wanted was your truck fixed is him being a typical man. Personally, I wouldn't want to "owe" an ex. I am completely bitter too, so feel free to disreguard.

BlackLabbie

Posted : 1/26/2010 8:10:53 PM

miranadobe

Ok, this is bad... but I'm thinking of how much you've done to improve your health over the last year, and if he hasn't seen you in that time, then he will be eating his heart out.

LMAO! He has not seen me since I was a size 12-ish, maybe size 14. Now, I'm a 6/8.....could be fun to go w/ DH actually!

miranadobe

Cita, as usual, has wisely said to trust your gut. What's it telling you? Do you think you can handle his flirtations, if they persist?

Honestly, my gut is drawing a blank. I have no feelings toward my ex, but I don't want this to open a window for him to contact me being flirty. He has a gf, and I don't want her to get hurt because of that. I know I'd be hurt if my DH was flirty talking with his ex when all she wanted was something fixed.