Rhonda -- I'm coming late to this, but I'm gonna toss this in here for whatever help it is.
First -- I've had LOTS of dogs, trained lots, had pups, older dogs, problem dogs - shoot my husband and I make it a habit to adopt dogs WITH problems that no one else will take or with health problems that we know *we* can deal with.
Enter Lunabella, basset/beagle mix, 9 month old female. She was the darling of doggie daycare. You've never SEEN a dog soooooooooooooooooooooo well socialized. But her owner couldn't handle her -- so she just schlepped her to doggie daycare 24/7 -- literally this dog was AT doggie daycare every friggin minute it was open.
Add that up to <<<<<<<<<<<<
WILD CHILD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Oh lordy. Within a week I decided we had made THE WORST mistake ever. This dog bonded GREAT with other dogs -- but frankly she had little use for humans. sheesh. Well *except* she decided she liked MY HUSBAND. Not me.
I should say
NOT me.
She drove me freakin nuts. I've dealt with all kinds of dogs, but in honesty this dog just plain drove me nuts. AND ***I*** was the one who picked her!!! ACK!!!!
She was into everything. Even tethered to me she was into more stuff .... and she wanted the other two to get into trubble WITH her!!
Rhonda - my point is this. WE **ALL** have to learn sometimes. In all the many many dogs I've had I've never had a hound before (and Houndlove is up there rolling her eyes at me, cos she knows what i"m gonna say next *grin*)
This dog VOCALIZED all the time. Bless her heart she had an OPINION and she was gonna give it to you whether you wanted it or not -- whine, moan, whiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne some more - and at a pitch that about drove me out of my mind. (what little mind I had left by now)
Rhonda -- you know what? I lived thru it and so did Luna. In this home with experienced dog handlers and dog saavy people -- she dragged a leash INSIDE for **FOUR** MONTHS. Outside?? She's STILL leashed much of the time two years later and our yard is *fenced*!!! ~grin!~ yep because we still don't have her recall down where it needs to be and she still will look at you and make that 'choice' to NOT come in.
She's gotten to be one heck of a good dog. I had to make more of an effort to 'bond' to her than any dog I have ever had. SHE has had to try harder to bond with *me* than with my husband. But we've both decided we really like each other.
She's still "Daddy's girl". Billy is still "Mommy's boy". that's ok --
I just wanted you to know Rhonda -- don't give up. On anyone -- not the dog, not the husband, not the teenager. It takes time. Lots of precious time.
See, in 3 months all you're seeing is the worst. You've probably slid past the honeymoon stage without even knowing it. Typically a dog tries really hard at first because they don't want to get bounced ... but then you're shell-shocked because you don't know what to expect, nor how to prevent it. You thot crating was only for "long times away". nope -- they can do more damage in one heartbeat than you'd imagine.
Crate or tether. And when you decide to let her off the tether -- LEAVE THE LEASH ON. Yep, it's ok. You can so much more easily step on it -- or reach the leash to make sure she does what you've asked her to do.
Everyone's got rules they've given you. But I'm going to give you a couple more. Rules for YOU mostly.
1. Learn to think like a dog. That takes time, Rhonda. But it's what will save your bacon. Like that thot "We're only going to be gone 15 minutes we don't need to crate her for THAT long!"
Nope -- the dog thinks "DOOR CLOSED - they're gone. OMG I'm ALONE!!!!" freak out. The mouth either reaches for something for securities sake or they'll go from window to window tearing things up as they go. That's DOG *think* not human think.
Dr. Stanley Coren "How to Speak Dog" -- it's a valuable book - it will help you learn to think dog. You'll find as a human you make all sorts of assumptions that a dog just doesn't do. Once you begin to see how *they* think, you'll find it easier to out think her and prevent problems.
2. Never give a command without making sure it's done. And never give them the option to say 'no'. Since you've had kids, remember when your daughter was two?? Remember when her every answer was "no". Remember getting really cautious about not asking a question she can say no to?? "Do you want to go to bed now?" NO. "Time for bed, let's go". But.... "NO butts -- time for bed".
Same principle applies.
Know how kids know how many times they can 'misbehave' before you yell and "mean it"?? Dogs are BETTER at that than kids are. Never tell a dog to do something twice. Say it one time. THEN get up and go enforce it. If you say it three times before you enforce it, they'll just learn to count to three!! They won't *do* it until the 3rd time! It's easy to zone out and forget you gave a command -- don't do it.
That's another reason to leave a dog on leash if *you* need some help training. "Come, girl" -- she doesn't, you pick up the leash and reel her in. She learns - you *mean* it.
3. When you get a behavior problem that is stubborn, be careful -- maybe it's NOT behavioral. You're having problems with housetraining. I'm going to suggest, if it hasn't been done already, to take her to the vet and find out if ****possibly**** she could have a persistent but low-grade urinary tract infection. Literally **ask** if it is at all possible.
Very often a dog may drink *extra* when they have a uti (they're smarter than we are in that -- when I have a UTI it takes an act of congress to make me want to drink more cos it hurts to go! But a dog often figures it out fast that the more they drink the less it burns!!). And then it gets hard to 'hold it' and the first thing when they get distracted or worried -- they pee. combine that with "I went here yesterday and no one yelled" and it becomes a fast habit.
They don't think "she'll yell later" -- no, they think "she saw me go and yelled so I have to wait until she LEAVES to go". They *learn* to elminate immediately when you leave!! So you leave for 10 minutes and she makes a mess. "Phew, could hardly wait til they left!!!"
This is again where tethering helps -- and when she elminates in front of you outside where she should have a frigging PARTY. What a GOOD girl. Come in and call your husband at work. Come in and call the time and temperature lady on the phone and tell HER how GREAT this dog is!! (They don't care who the heck you are talking to ... but they LOVE it when you brag on them!!)
The other thing I don't know if anyone told you -- when you find soil inside, clean it up on a paper towel and *move* it outside. Then go get her on leash and take her and SHOW her you moved it. Yep -- here is where you go. It works. Trust me -- it works really well.
Someone mentioned marrow bones - they are awesome. Keeps their teeth nice and white, great to chew on (and you can even run a big huge leg/marrow bone in the dishwasher, pack it with pureed veggies and kibble and freeze it and use it again!!) Just make sure it's a big bone -- not a flat round steak bone -- but too big to get stuck in the mouth.
And keep coming back. There's only so much YOU can absorb at one time ... so come back and re-read again and again and it will help you.
And I for one am a person you can email ANY time you please. I work during the day but I don't mind questions if its something you don't want to post.
It's not easy -- but nothing good in this life is usually easy. But it is so worth it.
And a side note -- your teenager is watching this. This, in her eyes, comes down to commitment. She may not even like the dog, but if she sees you adults trying again and again -- she learns this thing called "commitment". We don't give up on our humand children ... and not giving up on a dog shows the same type of grit and determination. It's the best example we can give our kids -- so they realize it's not just the dog who has to change (and oh yeah, she's GOTTA change) but the humans too. How we do things. What we expect. How we teach things. But working thru something like this is a big huge demonstration of commitment and "doing the right thing" ... and ... honestly? The things we DO for love.
Good luck -- you're doing a GOOD thing Rhonda. My hat's off to you!