How is your relationship with your Mother?

miranadobe

I really am curious about the people who consider their moms their best friends.  I wonder what that relationship would be like.  Luckily for me, I've developed many very good friends, which my mother has not.  She's lonely now because she only has a couple of close friends and leans on her daughters as if we're friends. 

It's not like I don't have girlfriends, etc; however, there is just something there between my mom and I that I can't explain.  There is this unspoken bond that I have never felt with anyone else except for Riley...maybe its a mom thing.  Maybe it's because I remind her so much of my dad and Riley reminds me so much of DH...I don't know and I don't even know how to begin to explain it.

When I think back in my life when I was my lowest, when I didn't want to go into details to explain what was going on, when i just wanted to cry on someone's shoulder without a zillion questions, etc. it was always my mom.  Trust me she gives me her point of view on issues, but never pushes.  Like Deb said, she's always got my back and I have hers without question. 

My parents also have tons and tons of friends and do so many things outside of our family.  They go to Palm Springs in the winter, Vegas in the fall, golfing trips, Italian Cultural Center day trips, etc. they are extremely active so I don't think I would ever have to worry about becoming her entire world.  She is independent and raised independent children.

mrstjohnson

There is this unspoken bond that I have never felt with anyone else except for Riley...maybe its a mom thing. 

What a blessing to have.  I honestly feel almost guilty that I don't relate to my mother that way, because I believe she would love it, from at least one of her 3 daughters.  When I went to Louisiana during Katrina recovery, my mom went, too.  I had a tough time with her not being strong enough to handle it - emotionally or physically.  She felt like a burden I had to look out for her the entire time, while watching another woman in the group who was well into her 60s (older than my mom) just haul right through the experience like a trooper.  We had another coworker there with us who has the type of relationship you have with your mom with her own daughter.  She was perplexed and disturbed that I wouldn't automatically revere my mother for the burdens she carried for us girls when we were little.  It made me feel really bad, and I still struggle with feeling sorry for my mom, and resentful.

I really do wonder how my life would be different if my mom had been the kind of person I could turn to in the situations you describe above.  I imagine your mom being an independent woman who can cultivate relationships and a life beyond her immediacy is probably half the ingredients that made her that kind of great mom.  My mom is a lovely woman who is kind and supportive and loving, but stopped being independent once she found the security of my step-dad.  I have nothing to complain about compared to mothers who are horror shows, though.

 My Mom died when I was 9.  My dad married my step-mom when I was 16.  I'm fairly sure she doesn't like me.  We can get along fine, and she never does anything specific that would indicate she doesn't like me, but its the vibe I get.  Even if she does like me, she'll never "really" consider me one of her kids (she has 3 biological ones).  She says she does but I really think its lip service, esp since she got a tattoo w/ "the kid's initials" um, except that she left out me and my Dad's son. 

My Mom and I have a very good relationship, she has MS and FM....although as a child we didnt know her diagnosis.  She was sick alot, therefore Dad and I were very close.  I usually went to him with problems or needs, he depended on me to help with housework/laundry etc.  When I got older, probably in my late 20's Mom and I began to have a bit more in common and we are much closer now.  She was not that close with her mom and pretty much was in charge of raising her younger brothers and sisters. 

On the other hand, my daughter and I have an extremely close relationship.  Even though we live 2 hours away from each other we speak just about everyday by phone.  She asks for my advise which I give willingly but I never tell her what to do, I never tell her she did the wrong thing, I always encourage her, praise her and allow her to get anything she needs to off her mind.   When she tells me things about her now finished marriage, I listen and I didnt hold a grudge with her now "ex" husband.   I am the same with my son and his wife/relationship/job etc.   Not that I wouldnt just love to "share" my opinion with the DIL or SIL but I dont unless they themselves ask my opinion.  My kids tell me that I am their Mom but the first person they turn to when they are struggling and also the first person they call when something exciting is going on.   I have some friends that say they dont want to hear some of the things their kids do, they say they wouldn't be able to keep their mouths shut when it comes to "in-Law" problems involving their kids, they say they would not be able to stay out of their childrens relationships.  I am quick to tell them the reason my kids and I are so close is that I dont judge, or meddle but I am there to lend the shoulder to cry on, or help pick up the pieces or celebrate the milestones.

I would say my husband is my best friend,  but my children and my parents are certainly next when it comes to who I prefer to share my time with.