How is your relationship with your Mother?

 Without reading everyone else's replies yet, I'd say my relationship with my mother is better than alot.  It wasn't always like that, I've always been closer to my dad, but something changed 7 years ago. 

My mom almost died.  She had a perforated ulcer and had surgery to correct it.  The medication she was given afterward for her arthritis had a 10 day follow up warning.  No one followed up and her liver failed.  It was pretty quick.  She turned yellow, stunned everyone, was sent to Winnipeg for a gall bladder scope or something or other, and during the procedure her liver died.  My dad was with her, and my sister and I got the call to get to Winnipeg fast.  That was the worst 4 hours of my life...until I got there and saw my mom.  She looked dead.  Her eyes were open, but she wasn't there.  It was terrifying.  My dad was a shell of himself.  My sister as always tried to stay upbeat, but she was shaking too.  Over the next 24 hours things happened very fast, though it was confusing.  In the end, she was transferred to Montreal to meet the donor liver and had the surgery the next day.  But things were touch and go for a long time, and it was over a month before I felt sure she'd be coming back home.  

All of that made me appreciate her as my mom.  I got to see what life would be like without her and I didn't like it.  

We have our differences.  She would be happier if I would study Oprah and The Doctors, so she wouldn't have to constantly be telling me I'm raising my kids wrong.  LOL, but hey at least its not Jerry Springer and Seinfeld...

She is by far Kale's favorite person in the world, and while sometimes it irratates me that she spoils him like crazy, I know she won't be here forever and his memories of her will be wonderful.  I try my hardest not to taint them with bickering between us.  

She's always been there when I need her, though maybe not the way I would like.  Sure, she's made choices I would not have made for myself or for my kids, but at least she made them and not me.   If she had not made any mistakes, I'd hardly be able to improve on her parenting style right?  Well....I suppose if I watched Oprah and The Doctors religiously...

 

We do not get along, at all. We are complete oposites. I cant stand living with her, and i know she cant stand living with me. I could live with my dad if i wanted to, but its just as bad. They are both alcoholics which is one of the main reasons me and my mom dont get along. She yells at me constantly saying its all my fault and even though ive told her a million times i dont want to be around her when she is drunk she just doesnt seem to get it. My dad is not quite as bad, when hes drunk he is just more of a jerk than he normaly is. The only thing better about my dad is that he supports the things im interested in way more than my mom. My mom constantly tells me how stupid it is to spend money on raw meat for Bailey when i could buy a bag of dog food at the store (shes talking about a cheap store brand, not anything high quality) that is "just as good" for them. And she gets mad whenever i spend any of my money on animal stuff. Like, i just made some money on a temporary job helping my neighbor with some yard work that she couldnt do herself, and i spent $30 of it on a new harness for Bailey because his other one didnt fit him well and would slide around when he was running with the bike, and she considers it a waste of my money. She feeds her cats cheap store brand kibble and believes just because there isnt anything obviously wrong with them, that the food is just as good for them as something expencive. She also doesnt like that i want to be a dog trainer. She always says that im never going to make any money and im going to end up living with her again and that i should get a "real" job...  This place is a living h*ll right now and there is no way i can move out until after i graduate. We might be moving hopfully soon, and if we do then it might help, if its a bigger house so we can have our own space, but in reality me and my mom will never be friends. I have given up trying to talk to her about anything. I hate being at my house because i know every day as soon as she starts drinking we will get into an argument. I have friends that would let me live with them, but i wouldnt be able to bring Bailey, and for me, giving up Bailey is not an option. Hopfully i will be graduating at the end of this year, and i can start saving money for me and Bailey to move out of here.

as to the question in the title. Wonderful...but we BOTH had to mature into that. Our past is rocky...and I had things to forgive her for and vice versa...like any relationship worth having...it takes constant nurturing, and work to make it strong and keep it strong.

 My relationship with my mother is so-so.  It has gotten better since I moved out, but not by a lot.  I could never trust her as a child/teenager.  She snooped in my room all the time and made no effort to hide that fact.  I had no privacy.  I really resent that.  Now, I find it incredibly hard to have a conversation with her.  She calls about once a week and we talk, but her talking is asking me question after question.  Neither of my parents have great relationships with their brothers and sisters and as a result, I see my aunts/uncles once every two years, maybe.  None of my family is very close, I wish I was closer with my aunts/uncles/cousins.  It would be nice.  I also don't like the fact that they will never help us out when we need someone to look after the dogs, I know they shouldn't have to, and we usually NEVER ask them, but a few times, we've been in a real pinch and needed someone to look after them for a weekend and my parents just refuse.  It seems to me that a mother should help her children out with things like that.  Once a year isn't going to kill them.  I feel like I can't really get mad at her for it, because of course, the dogs are not her responsibility, but I would like to feel that I can count on her if I need her. 

I know my mother would do anything for me and I know she loves me, but I just find it hard to talk to her.  

I am closer with my dad, sort of.  I can talk to him and have actual conversations, but he can be a real as*^&*$ sometimes and will NEVER apologize.  I have never in my life heard him apologize for anything.  He has a temper and tends to fly off the handle for no reason.  He embarassed me and was incredibly rude to FH's family this summer, I didn't speak to him for most of the summer because of it.  Unfortunatly, FH now thinks much less of him because of it and I don't feel that there is a damn thing I can do about it. 

 FH thinks my family is strange anyway, his are very close, but almost fakely so.  He has to limit what he says/tells to his mother because of her "depression" and him and his siblings will never confront each other if something is bothering them.  At least with my family, I waste no time in telling them if I'm ticked off.  

 Once I was asking Will not to do something and he ignored me, so I put my Stern Voice on.  Will's lip wobbled and he ran to his grandma (my mum) "crying".  So mum hugs him and says, "don;t you listen to her, oh shes mean".  I really came down on her for that - told her not to undermine me, and that she's HAD her chance at screwing up parenting, and now it was MY turn to screw it up in my own way.  Worked!

I have come to realize that I cannot blame my mother for skills she does not have, and did not pass on to me.  My mom has softened into a person I don't recognize as she's aged.  She never lacked in loving and encouraging me, but she was a much harder/stronger person when we were young.  I respected her then.  Today she is weak and weepy, and that's something I have a hard time accepting.  I know plenty of people like her now, and see her as a sweet person.  But "sweet" is never a word I would have used to describe her when we were young.  Similar to your not accepting your mom's hugs and "I love yous", I can understand how it's hard to see the "new" person your mother can be in her older years.

I really am curious about the people who consider their moms their best friends.  I wonder what that relationship would be like.  Luckily for me, I've developed many very good friends, which my mother has not.  She's lonely now because she only has a couple of close friends and leans on her daughters as if we're friends.  Sadly, the one daughter who could get along with her as friends, is the wretched self-centered one who lives close to her right now. 

My mom will be 86 this December....we just hit the 2 year mark of her moving in with me this past September.  Its a good thing...having her here...big picture.  But there are times that its hard, very hard.  She has no interest in doing any activities outside the house with exception of her weekly shampoo and set at the beauty parlour.  Her world revolves around what goes on in this house.  So, that means everything I say or do is of interest, which can sometimes be annoying....not much is sacred.

Growing up as a kid, she was my mom and my dad, as my bio-father left her when I was about 9 years old.  Leaving her, meant leaving me.  She was never overbearing or strict, in fact quite lenient.  As a teenager, I loved that...I could pretty much do what I wanted to do; and when I became a driver...she would let me take her to work and keep the car.  I would get off school, take her to work by 3pm and have the run with her car until I picked her up at 11pm...she was a head nurse at the hospital. 

As a young married adult, she never meddled, always helped when she could; and let me and DH move in with her when needed.

Relationship with Mom....good.  She cared for me; now I care for her.  I do wish I had some Momcare help from the sisters though.  It can be exhausting. 

 

Hmmm.  We were very, very close when I was younger.  Best friends even.  I think she was a fantastic mom and dad for a kid since she was a single parent.  I've met my dad twice.

 I don't think she knows how to get along with an adult.  She makes unilateral decisions and doesn't respect decisions I make.  She cannot apologize. 

It got to a point when she lied to my face and did something that I saw as potentially harmful for my pets.  I cut off my relationship with her.  Especially when she told me that she could do whatever she wanted since she gave birth to me.

Since then, she has told my sister that I am a horrible person, that I did awful things to cause this (I'm really not sure what), and she wants nothing to do with me.  She's made awful threats, and has said she wishes I was dead.  She ignores my birthday and pretends not to see me when I'm around.  Anything that was mine at her house, she has given away or kept.

So, I guess to summarize, our relationship is somewhere between difficult and non-existant.  I've shed tears about it.

I'm extremely fortunate to have fantastic friends and grandparents.  They've stuck by me.

Well, this has been somewhat cathartic.  I think I need a drink. LOL

 

My mom died 10 years ago, but we had a good relationship.  We didn't see each other as often as I would have liked because we moved 500 miles away when DS #1 was only 18 months old but we talked on the phone three or four times a week.  Since we didn't get down to San Diego that often after we moved (maybe once or twice a year) my boys didn't really get to know her or have the same relationship with her that my sister's kids did and I regret that. She was always ready to help if I needed it, but she didn't interfere or try to take over and never made me feel like I wasn't raising my kids right.

Joyce

My parents are Italian and as I got into my teen years there started to be trouble with me wanting to stay out later than they wanted me too, boyfriends, riding in cars with friends, etc. etc.  And, of course, my younger brother could do whatever and it wasn't an issue. . .

But, overall I never wanted for anything growing up and still don't.  They also treat my husband like he's another son. 

My mom calls me once or twice a week or I call her.  And, I visit her on weekends when she's working.  Or, my parents and I will meet up to go walking somewhere. 

They like dogs but they do think I go a little overboard with Willow.  But, over the past year or so they have been making a big effort to ask about her and include her in invites--not that I'd necessarily take her, but it's nice that they ask. 

 

My mom died when I was 13, but honestly, she favored my brother.  I am slowly letting go of the resentment, and it's been 29 years.  It would've helped if I could have confronted her, but I was not given that option.

I have a sort of foster mom who took me in at 17.  Things are so-so between us.  When I needed her most, she pretty much abandoned me and let me know I was not really part of her family, so I keep my phone calls/emails/visits to a minimum. 

Mummsy and I are tight.  She's always got my back.

 

Deb W.

My mother and I have a pretty good relationship.  I think we tend to drive each other crazy though.  We're very much NOT alike.  She's very into fashion, shopping, getting her hair done and making sure it's perfect.  I'm just not.  She gets on my about my weight and my hair a bit more than I would like and that tends to make me want to pull my hair out.  She's a nitpicky sort of person.  I think I'd have a much poorer relationship if I lived with her, to be honest, but for the most part we get along just fine.

I have a better relationship with my mom now that I've moved 9 1/2 hours away.  She is being especially helpful dealing with family drama during my wedding planning process. 

shamrockmommy

 I thought I wanted to be closer to family... I can now see the same town, same state, too close!

Haha, this is so true. I love my family, and I miss them immensely when we don't live near each other.. but it's definitely that "absense makes the heart grow fonder" dealio.

I'm 21 and have always lived with my Mom, and we actually get along reeeaaally well considering. I'm sort of inclined to think we'd get along even better if we didn't live together, but knowing how we both are, I'm starting to wonder how much we'd actually talk or see each other if our bedrooms weren't 10 feet apart. She's got a few boundary issues, and sometimes I have to remind her that I'm not a teenager, but we have a pretty danged good relationship. I have three older sisters, and I'm definitely the closest to her out of the four of us (but we all have a pretty good relationship with her).

She's been awesome in helping me with Cherokee. She had surgery the week after Cherokee was diagnosed, so she's been out of work since then, and while that was an incredibly stressful couple of weeks for me, I'm sooo glad it happened like that. She keeps an eye on Cherok while I'm at work, gives her any meds she needs, monitors her pain, coughing, etc. I really don't know what I'd do if she wasn't here. I'd definitely be a lot more stressed and worried at work!