Dog Community

I've come to see this as an honor... (alieliza)

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:01:18 AM

I work with children from around the world who are learning English in a public elementary school in Brooklyn.

Many Chinese (among other ethnicities) children take on English or American names when they arrive in this country. I have always felt some disdain for this, as I feel like their Chinese name is not only meaningful (Chinese names are generally given to children based on their meaning, and the parents' hopes for what/how that child will become in life), but a very large part of their identity, and I'm a strong believer that their culture/identity should not be shed upon arrival in this country.

One of my most lovely students, who has become incredibly comfortable with and close to me over the past 6 months came to me about a week ago to ask me to give her an American name. At first I said "no, absolutely not", and explained why I didn't think it was a good idea. She went on to complain about how all of her teachers mispronounce her name, that its too difficult for them to say, and that it really, really bothers her.

I told her I would think about it. And she hasn't stopped asking me since.

I then began talking with a very close friend of mine who is an international student as well, and she put it like this: "People are going to mispronounce her name for her whole life. If she is that determined to get an American name she is going to get one whether you give it to her or not."

So... now I see that I should feel honored that she's asked me, and get to thinking on a name that suits her. Which is the hard part... She is entrusting me to give her a "good" name. Oh, the pressure!

I am naming someone! And not only that, but I am naming someone with an identity and personality already in place. This is so difficult!!!!

I don't want the name to be too trendy, but I do want it to be lovely. I don't want it to be too old fashioned (I feel like a lot of times parents pick names that are either very old fashioned [ie. Sally] or so obscure [ie. Candy] -- [both names of former students] because they are not savvy when it comes to American pop-culture.

I think I am going to give her a short list of names and have she and her family decide together....

Here is my list so far... I'll have to narrow it down, of course... but any favorites???

My favorite is Lucy.

Lily

Sophia

Annie (I REALLY like Angie, but one of her best friends has that name already.)

Maggie

Molly

Amy

Kayla

Cally

Kelly

Oh gosh. The decision!

Another concern of mine is her ability to pronounce it. She has a little bit of trouble distinguishing R and L.... OH, and her initials are S. H. L, and though she would like a name that begins with one of those letters, she is not that attached to the idea. And lastly, her family name is Li. ETA: Something like Kelly or Lily likely wouldn't work with Li. Lily Li is too much of a tongue twister. Though Lucy Li is quite nice.... reminiscent of Lucy Liu, lol.

Any thoughts on this topic? The name choice? Suggestions?

BlackLabbie

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:04:37 AM

I like Amy, I always thought it was a very sweet name.

alieliza

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:05:38 AM

Amy is very very sweet, and this particular child is sweet, to say the least, lol. I think I'll put it on my short list.

Jewlieee

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:22:17 AM

I get what you are saying about culture and names. I always feel sad when someone that is obviously esl asks me to call them something like "chuck" because I feel like they changed their name for our sakes not theirs.

The list you have feels too american to me. Can you find something that has a little ethnicity in it? What about claire? Shay (shai li is nice). *goes off to look*

Jewlieee

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:30:51 AM

Jayden

Sadie means princess

Shanti means marvelous

Google girl s names. About the 3rd one down is a justmoms sight which has pages of s names and their meanings. I think you should consider the meaning since that is how they normally name their kids

Truley

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:41:13 AM

I like Lucy. I also like Sandra, Selma, Amy, Annalise.

Good luck and this is a great honor.

Cita

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:43:06 AM

A lot of my friends who have "American" names picked them to be something that sounds somewhat like their "original" names. Like "Jie" becomes "Jackie" or "Francois" becomes "Franics." Or that has a similar meaning. Like if the Chinese name means "flower," the kid might want to be known as "Rose" or something like that.

alieliza

Posted : 10/25/2009 10:52:02 AM

Thanks guys! I am definitely considering meaning when choosing the name. Either one that means something that suits her personality, or one that means the same as her Chinese name... For example, "Lucy" means "light", which I think is lovely, and I sort of think suits her. "Amy" means "beloved", and "Annie" means "blessed with grace".

BlackLabbie

Posted : 10/25/2009 11:43:50 AM

alieliza
"Amy" means "beloved"

I didn't know that- now I love that name even more. Ever read "Beloved"? I did in college and it's one of my all time favorites.

ETA: I think Amy Li really sounds nice.

NicoleS

Posted : 10/25/2009 12:54:56 PM

Cita
A lot of my friends who have "American" names picked them to be something that sounds somewhat like their "original" names. Like "Jie" becomes "Jackie" or "Francois" becomes "Franics." Or that has a similar meaning. Like if the Chinese name means "flower," the kid might want to be known as "Rose" or something like that.

A chinese woman at work, who has been in this country since her first born was little and is now in college, has two daughters, both have chinese names and american names. Jenny and Kelly. Jenny's chinese name is something like jian or something similar, and kelly's is similar to her native name as well. that way, it's not far away from their roots but much much easier to be in an american culture. (since the little one was born here - she's 6 - and the older is 18 or so and been here since she was small, they speak fluently in both languages so calling them by a chinese name I think surprises people when they speak perfect english)

Many chinese people also go by their last name, since the first is their family name, so it would of course depend on which name she goes by. we have a chinese husband and wife at work, and the husband goes by the name he writes first, but the wife goes by the name she writes last. It's also not as common, I don't think, for the wife to change her name when they are married so maybe you look into other names that are similar to those already in her family.

alieliza

Posted : 10/25/2009 1:04:53 PM

Nicole, you are right. In chinese the family name comes first, but she goes by her given name. There are very few English names that sound like her Chinese name, with Sue being the closest. However, she doesn't like this one! LOL. So difficult! Her Chinese name is pronounced "Shoe Kwei".

alieliza

Posted : 10/25/2009 1:08:43 PM

Ah, and her name in English means "warm and virtuous" and "blessing".

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 10/25/2009 1:09:24 PM

Maybe you could talk to her about her favorite flowers and she could help with the selection. I really like the list you have so far.

Joyce

janobonano

Posted : 10/25/2009 1:53:32 PM

Check out http://www.parents.com/baby-names/

You can put in a meaning and it will pull up all the names with that meaning.

calliecritturs

Posted : 10/25/2009 4:49:42 PM

I have several Chinese friends (all from various provinces) and they all have American names. Some fit, some don't and most of them simply see it as a 'fun' kind of nickname.

However *I* hate, loathe and despise my own first name (no, it's really NOT Callie and nothing like Callie) and 99.99% of the reason is because no one can remember it, and no one can pronounce it correctly. It's an "old-timey" name, rarely used any more but when people say it wrong it literally gives me goose-bumps. Add to that I came from a home where if you were loved you were nicknamed and the only time I got CALLED my name was when I was in ... you guessed it -- TROUBLE.

My point is this -- avoid names with letters that are difficult for her to pronounce. And since her family name is "Li" I would avoid any name with "Li" (like Callie) or it becomes a tongue twister.

But beyond that -- I would tell you to narrow it down to 3 names, with one being *your* strong preference in meaning and sound. And tell her (and her parents) "To me you are ____, and XXX **means** _____. But you are also B___ and C___ and YYY means B___ and ZZZ means C___, so honestly all three FIT you!"

Don't NOT pick -- that would, I'm thinking, perhaps be a bit so politically correct that it would be offensive. YOU are being given a huge honor. My guess is the family feels they can't do it and Ms. Alieliza has been dubbed such a paragon that she's going to revere what you pick simply because YOU Picked it.

Don't wuss on this -- Take the honor and be a bit decisive with her telling her THIS makes you think of the BEST of her. She will love it, and it **will** fit her because her eyes will radiate delight.