I think I just told my future MIL to...

Great post, Cita~

Callie - how hideous to have deal with a woman like that.  Glad you're out of that situation.

BlackLabbie - have a great VACATION!!  Empowering yourself to enjoy it with your own hotel room, etc, will be well worth the money spent!

I agree with Cita's excellent post.  If anyone ever implies they don't want my dog around I just make other arrangements for her and us.  I wouldn't care if the sister's dog was staying, the mom doesn't want Apollo so just get the hotel.  I wouldn't want my dog somewhere where she wasn't wanted.  I'm not saying she's right or wrong but "it is what it is", as you probably hear pretty often in your area, LOL!! 

You raise some good points, too. Her house, her rules, which includes treating people unfairly.

If possible, I would go further and say I wouldn't bother visiting her at all. One way to deal with toxic family is to not deal with them at all. So, yeah, no one has to take her down a notch. No one has to visit her at all. How's about that?

It just seems evident to me that it is important to the OP and her SO that they visit this person at "her house, her rules." And I think the OP came up with a workable solution, i.e., the hotel. I think the OP's SO needs to examine for himself the dynamics and make some decisions, too. His life, his rules.

My MIL is somewhat the same way...very passive aggressive.  Drives me crazy.  The only way I can deal is #1 live far enough away so you don't have to deal with it everyday #2 play nice but don't give up your principles. 

Regardless if she will allow Apollo just go to the hotel, trust me you will be more comfortable in the long run anyway and maybe next time she will think twice about what she says and she will learn that you will follow through with what you say.  Don't let her push you around - but don't give her any other reason to bitch since it will become a constant pissing contest your whole life.  I am sure there's other things that are going on and is this is just one of them.  If you sweetly stand your ground (don't be a push over since it will never stop then) and have your finance stand with you she will eventually learn that pushing you away means pushing him away and it sounds like she won't let that happen.  One thing is to talk to your finance about it beforehand so that you present a united front even if you disagree in private.  If she thinks she can cause problems between you, she will.

My MIL is the same way, she will make her little comments/digs here and there - it's taken me 8 years to "train her".  DH never used to say anything and so it would continue.  I finally would stand up for it.  For example, she was in town yesterday and was very concerned that I had pierced Riley's ears.  She made some judgemental comments to the fact of exposing her to imassive nfection, drama drama etc. etc. (like I got her a tattoo or something).   I was doing something in the kitchen, turned around and said very non confrontational, "well, I wanted them pierced I am sure you did things with your children because you wanted to and didn't care if everyone with you.  I do what I think is best for her."  She looked at Todd and he said, "I agree with Lisa, enough said."

mrstjohnson

My MIL is somewhat the same way...very passive aggressive.  Drives me crazy. 

Ohhh yes, this is Jeremy's Mom!

You know, I could see if we were going to be out and busy...but we're not. All we're doing is hanging with his friends (all have dogs too and usually bring them), having a couple BBQ's, walking around (beach, park)....so I don't understand why she doesn't want him there, IMO, it's because I want him there.

BlackLabbie

so I don't understand why she doesn't want him there, IMO, it's because I want him there.

In some way, probably yes.  It is her way of exerting control over you and Jeremy.  It's not always completely intentional, but yes that's what she is doing.  She needs to feel some control over his life out of need or possibly boredom.  Is/was Jeremy her favorite?  She may feel like you are "replacing her" and she wants to hold on.

I can't say BFs mother is like this, she really isn't.  It is MY mother that is like that!  One thing I have learned regarding this, is that you cann't back down!  Or she will just keep doing more and more.  You have to put her in her place in a one time shot, and then *hopefully* she'll get the hint and not cross you again!

BlackLabbie

...go screw

LOL!  Well that should make Christmas interesting!     Sorry she's being a weenie, hope it gets better once she realizes you won't take her crap! 

BCMixs

LOL!  Well that should make Christmas interesting!     Sorry she's being a weenie, hope it gets better once she realizes you won't take her crap! 

 Yah, we don't go there for Christmas (we stay at my parents) because it's usually crappy weather up there (for driving), thank doG I don't have to worry about that! They're right on the St.Lawrence River...you can see Canada from his parents house, I always thought that was cool.