I think I just told my future MIL to...

Sometimes you just have to stand your ground.  My first experience with my *first* husban'd mother -- it was a bad situation anyway.  He had dragged me with him and had gone home to 'be with" his mother when the news was broken to his mother that his dad and brother had been in an accident.  (SOOOO why didn't they just call her and tell her?  everything was all lies and innuendo in that family and I should have known from that first day)

I went in and sat down in the background waiting for him to talk to her and be introduced (there was this whole huge big scene going on).  Then ... she turned around, stuck her finger in my face and said to him

"and THIS -- **WHY** have you brought this ... this ... this ... FAT T*H*I*N*G* into MY livingroom, and let her sit in one of MY chairs in MY home????????? WHAT is she doing here?"

He then introduced me as his wife to be and we left soon after.

yep -- not one of my better memories.  I wish I could say it got better, but it really didn't.  My biggest mistake was not seeing that since he didn't support me then that he wouldn't later.  I was so appalled at HER that it didn't really sink in to me that he LET her talk to me that way. 

Learned THAT lesson the hard way, truly I did.   (took me 10 years to get rid of the cruiser too!!)

Yikes, flashbacks.  My defense was always to distance myself.

Bottom line, it's her house and she controls it.  My advice is to take Apollo, book the hotel and stay there this trip, regardless of whether she changes her mind.  You'll have a better time with your dog (if anything happens in her house you'll never hear the end of it).   Next trip, maybe she'll have an invitation with a suggestion that works for both of you, but she'll know you travel with your dog. 

lol, city girl.  We were always looked down on by our city relatives because we were out in the sticks and lived next to a farm ("what could you possibly do out here?";)

cat0

lol, city girl.  We were always looked down on by our city relatives because we were out in the sticks and lived next to a farm ("what could you possibly do out here?";)

LOL, thats really what she said! My first trip to upstate NY was after me and Jeremy were dating for about 6 months. His friend, James, works at a dairy farm...I've never been to a real farm. So, we were hanging out with James and I asked him if I could stop by, look around, because I've never been to a farm. He taught me how to hand milk a cow, and I thought it was so cool, lol. Well, his Mom kind of rolled her eyes at me when I was telling them what I was up to all afternoon, but his Dad was like, "Good for you for trying something new!". I lived in South Boston for a short period, then moved an hour South of Boston (when I live now), and it's a suburb! It's not even a city- it's a beach!

I agree with whoever said to just get your own hotel. But hey, I just like hotels :)

sl2crmeg

I agree with whoever said to just get your own hotel. But hey, I just like hotels :)

I like nice hotels, too!
Jeremy's Mom always acts all offended if I want to stay somewhere other than their house, and Jeremy will go where I go. They used to have a huge 4 bedroom, 3 bath, house. It was beautiful! And when we came to visit it really wasn't a problem because there was alot of room. Now, they sold that house because Jeremy lives here in MA and bought a condo, and his sister bought a house in PA, and they sold their big house and bought a tiny 2 bedroom, 1 bath house, which is great for the 2 of them (his parents) but when we all visit in the summer it really sucks. I've done it 5 years in a row, and I think this will be my first year enjoying a hotel room!

Callie-

I CANNOT believe someone said that to you! OMG, what a rude women!

Callie, I am surprised you didn't wallop your exMIL. I can't imagine anyone being that rude!  How awful.

sl2crmeg

I **ESPECIALLY** like hotels with free breakfast. We stayed at a Hilton (I think?) in Miami once and there was a guy who made you your very own Belgian waffle right in front of you. And he made omlettes and eggs too. Plus there was bacon and ROUND sausage, not the tube kind, and fruit, and cereal...MMMM.

Now, that's what a vacation should be like. I'd definitely get a hotel room. Heck, I'd get a hotel room even if I wasn't taking the dog.

 sound like she deserves it

Book a hotel, bring the big guy and enjoy yourself as best you can.  I am married 11 yrs now - in-laws are in the UK where I lived for 6.5 yrs hosting every holiday etc and I am still outside the circle. Always a 'pleasure' when the visit here and treat me like the servant.

My family, like yours has always treated DH as one of their own.  

I just don't get people like this

sl2crmeg

Ooo, MIL's - I've always been thankful that BF's parents are like my second parents. BF has an aunt who is super-mean to me though, and MY mother has always said to just be *nice*. They can't hate you if you're nice, sweeeet as sugar, even if it has to be an act. Another piece of advice given to me, by a very good, very wise friend of mine is to just keep your cool. When you get 'hot' - you lose.

DH has a really mean aunt too, funny thing is she won't be mean to your face. She only likes to talk about family behind their backs. She hates me, and vice versa, I don't like people like that at all. I completely distance myself, and when I *must* be around her I am fake as can be toward her smiling and pretending I want to talk to her or care what she's saying. Funny that now more of the family are seeing her true colors and slowly not liking her anymore either.  

You did the right thing. She needs to be taken down a notch or two.

Callie, I can't believe that someone could be so rude as to say something like that to anyone, much less someone who was a guest in their home.  I don't know how you resisted the urge to whomp her upside the head with your purse.

Joyce

For a different perspective...

Her house, her rules.

That she treats you badly in other ways is somewhat irrelevant to whether or not you will bring Apollo. It's completely within her right to ask that he not stay in her house, IMO.

And, as you suggested (brilliant, IMO), you're completely within your right to accept that gracefully, and then say you will be staying in a hotel so as not to inconvenience her.

It doesn't have to be "taking her down a notch," it doesn't have to be anything combative. It's simply her setting her rules, and you respecting them.

NOW is the time to start setting your boundaries and demanding respect - you don't need to be mean, you don't need to fight with her, and you definitely don't have to stoop to her level. But you are in charge of your own time, space, and family, and you can set the rules about when and where you will choose to spend time with her. And if she is being unpleasant, there is no reason for you to be around her, and you are well within reason to calmly explain that because of her unacceptable behavior, you will be leaving, and you hope that your next visit together will go better.

Set your boundaries!!! Be respectful, be courteous, and be consistent. Training people is really a LOT like training dogs, which you seem to do pretty well already, so you're all set!