I have never been more disgusted with myself

Even I, jerk that I am, think you're being too hard on yourself.  You can't save the world.  There is always a tragedy to replace a tragedy.  You were absolutely right not to take a dog if your SO didn't approve.

He insisted that he did not want another dog.

STOP RIGHT THERE  [sm=smack.gif]

DO NOT be hard on yourself Jen... you did the right thing by calling and discussing with your husband first (if you had not done so it would have been VERY unfair to him).  It doesn't matter the reasons why he didn't want another dog right now, so just like you should not be mad and blame yourself, you also need to be sure not be be angry at him.  A marriage is a partnership and especially when it comes to the responsibility of taking in new pets,  both parties need to be on the same page.

Like others have said you cannot save the world... you wanna talk about tough choices...try going to the greyhound race track in Mexico, look into the eyes of 60 greys being ready to be killed...covered in feces and urine, infested with ticks and pick the 6 dogs that you have room to take back to your rescue that you can "save".... walk away from the 54 that are going to be killed because you can't take them.   

I give you that example to hopefully give you some perspective right now... there are a lot of cruel and horrible situations that animals (and people) are in every day... but you do the best that you can and you walk away from the things you can't change.   

Don't beat yourself up over this... keep it in perspective...

(((hugs)))

Shelly

Please, please stop beating yourself up about this.
 
You said:
 

ORIGINAL: jenhuedepohl
 I always thought I'd be able to do the right thing but I caved-in without a fight.

 
What is the "right thing"? It isn't written in a book somewhere, unchanging and forever. And what is "right" at one moment in time for one person is not "right" for another.
 
You called your husband. You treated him as a partner, not a housemate or child whose wishes you could override. You considered his thoughts, his feelings and his life and decided to value those things and respect your relationship with him.
 
It isn't cowardice to choose to honor your committment and your relationship to your spouse.
 
I understand how you feel and the thought that maybe you could have brought a puppy home and convinced him to deal with it---that might have helped the puppy in the short term, but what does that say to your husband "I don't trust your judgement" or "I don't care what YOU want," or even "I do care what you want most of the time, but right now this puppy is more important to me." 
 
I feel for you because you were faced with a tough decision. No matter what you did, you would feel bad right now---because if you brought a puppy home you would be dealing with hubby's hurt feelings and anger.
This was a "no win" situation and you did the best you could to act ethically and honorably and that is all any of us can do.
 
Remember: YOU did not create the situation. You did not breed those puppies and you did not mistreat them.
 
YOU DO have the power to help them, so don't give up.
 
Giving the rescue info. was a great idea. Call your aunt tonight and see if she has shared it. If not, get the woman's phone number and call her. She's giving away the pups---ask her if she would like to get in contact with a group that will take them all and place them for her. Then make the connection for her---talk to GR rescue. Explain the situation---see if they can help her alter the dogs she has.
 
Whoever told you that you can't save them all is right---but you still have the chance to save these guys and perhaps many of their relations.
 
Good luck and keep your chin up.
 

I love your chow. Long time ago I wanted to raise chows my dad bought me a puppy and then I bought a male. She got pregnant gave birth to one and then had to have a c-section cause all the other puppies had died. That was so hard. I wasnt going to sell them just give to family but that didnt happen. My son grew up with our chow from 3 to 6 years years old then one my chow turned around bit son in the face. So my husband said she had to go. Gave her to chow rescue told them not to have with kids even though she was a great dog and smart. Guess didnt want anyone around me. Anyways I love you chow.

I always thought that I was just being an understanding wife, but now I see how most of the time I'm just trying to keep the peace because I can't handle any sort of disagreement.

Make an appointment with a marriage counsellor.  Write your husband an invitation giving the time and place.  In it tell your husband that there are some "issues in your marriage" that you need help talking to him about and that, if he loves you, he will come without an argument.
 
If your husband will not go, go without him!!!    [sm=2cents.gif]
 
Editted to make it "issues in your marriage" instead of just "issues".  You don't want the poor guy to think there might be another man.

i have felt that EXACT same way about a hundred times.  every single time i see a stray dog on the street, i feel that way.  every time i pass a truck full of puppies, i feel that way.  every time i see a bad story on the news, or don't walk all the dogs at the shelter in one day, i feel that way.
 
while i agree with everyone here who says you (and consequently I) are being to hard on yourself, i want to extend the hand of commiseration anyway.  because no matter what we do, it never feels like enough, does it????[&o]
 
let me put it this way:  my husband and i have BOTH brought home dogs without asking the other.  it's not the best way to do things, but our marriage has certainly survived through the bond of caring for animals who might otherwise die.  maybe it's too late for the pups in the truck, maybe it's not.  maybe if it's not, you could present a "foster" style situation to your husband?  that's how we cope with it at my house.

Jen - imo, you were faced with a bad situation and you were not weak.  I guess there are two things I'd take out of this.  First, whatever realization you think this points to in your relationship with your husband is not about that puppy.  Second, what to do the next time (god forbid) you are ever faced with similar choices.  For that, I'd suggest taking as much information about the person as possible - license plate numbers to the vehicle, whatever personal identification she gave, location, etc, pictures of the pups if they will allow (under whatever guise you need to use "oooh, let me take pics so I can show hubby and talk him into it.") and reporting that to the local ACO, rescue, or any other animal welfare group with the jurisdiction and ability to intervene on the pups behalf.  Those are just my thoughts and suggestions.  (hugs)

ORIGINAL: jjsmom06

He insisted that he did not want another dog.

STOP RIGHT THERE  [sm=smack.gif]
  you did the right thing by calling and discussing with your husband first (if you had not done so it would have been VERY unfair to him).  It doesn't matter the reasons why he didn't want another dog right now, so just like you should not be mad and blame yourself, you also need to be sure not be be angry at him.  A marriage is a partnership and especially when it comes to the responsibility of taking in new pets,  both parties need to be on the same page.
 

you are my hero.
i spent about two weeks plotting and planning to get Bo (the pup)
but i CANT tell my husband that. He thinks it was spontaneous..... that is the only secret between us (for me anyway lol)
and it bugs me everyday..... he hit the roof when i brought Bo home... but he didnt tell me to take him back. Bo's previous owners were being threatened with eviction because someone in their complex said he was mean (he's a bulldog.... he barks at strangers.... but not in an unfriendly manner) So when i told my husband that Bo had no place to go, and the POUND would never be an option, he just gave up..... i have made a solem vow to not bring home anymore animals without talking to him first, but i didnt promise not to bring home any fosters or temps!!
But yes the little secret about Bo bothers me and one day i will tell him it was premeditated and two of my cousins aided and abetted me.... shhhhh no one needs to know right now though. i shouldnt have been so disrespectful towards my husband. i am a grown competent person (though some might disagree) and if i want another dog then i have every God given right as an American Citizen to have another dog, or cat, or canary, or rabbit, rat, turtle, and tarantula .... but i still  must consider how he feels about it. he talks to me before he buys another "project car" .. at least he asks me how i feel about it because when he is working on a project that means i wont see him around as much.... same thing when another dog is brought into a home. someone has to spend time training and socialising it, taking it places. and... unlike a car, you cant just take the keys out of the engine and park it in a garage when you dont have time or money to work on it.

For that, I'd suggest taking as much information about the person as possible - ... , pictures of the pups if they will allow (under whatever guise you need to use "oooh, let me take pics so I can show hubby and talk him into it.")

It is a good idea to carry a disposable digital camera in the glove box in case of accidents.  That would be perfect in this kind of situation.  "I wish I had a camera. ...  Oh, yeh, I almost forgot, I have one in case of accidents." []

I'm feeling a bit better today. I got the breeder's phone number from my aunt and sent the info the the Golden rescue in my state. The Golden Rescue in her state (Missouri) had many more dogs, so I thought they might have a better chance getting fostered and adopted in my state. I offered to transport the pups if they were able to take them in. I hope they let me. I'd feel so much better if I could just do that one little thing for them.

I almost had our babysitter talked into taking one of the pups. I even offered to go pick it up for them, but they have some stuff going on right now that makes it hard for them to adopt a pup. Otherwise, nobody I know wants a Golden pup right now except me. My sister is considering fostering one, but she already has four dogs and isn't sure how much she wants to upset the apple cart.

Other good news - Morgan, the pup my sister-in-law picked out - is getting better every day. She is still extremely shy around people but follows their older Golden all over the place. She has also been pottying outside really well, which was a concern since we had no idea what training the breeder had done. I ordered the book "Help For Your Shy Dog" and a "Fearfullness" pamphlet from Dogwise to give to my brother and SIL. They've already gotten some great advice from our step-mom, who adopted an extremely shy Golden from rescue a couple years ago. Ben is like a new dog now, and we hope little Morgan will do as well as him.

ORIGINAL: jenhuedepohl

I'm feeling a bit better today. I got the breeder's phone number from my aunt and sent the info the the Golden rescue in my state. The Golden Rescue in her state (Missouri) had many more dogs, so I thought they might have a better chance getting fostered and adopted in my state. I offered to transport the pups if they were able to take them in. I hope they let me. I'd feel so much better if I could just do that one little thing for them.

I almost had our babysitter talked into taking one of the pups. I even offered to go pick it up for them, but they have some stuff going on right now that makes it hard for them to adopt a pup. Otherwise, nobody I know wants a Golden pup right now except me. My sister is considering fostering one, but she already has four dogs and isn't sure how much she wants to upset the apple cart.

Other good news - Morgan, the pup my sister-in-law picked out - is getting better every day. She is still extremely shy around people but follows their older Golden all over the place. She has also been pottying outside really well, which was a concern since we had no idea what training the breeder had done. I ordered the book "Help For Your Shy Dog" and a "Fearfullness" pamphlet from Dogwise to give to my brother and SIL. They've already gotten some great advice from our step-mom, who adopted an extremely shy Golden from rescue a couple years ago. Ben is like a new dog now, and we hope little Morgan will do as well as him.

Well that's a positive update! You're doing what you can for them and that's all you can do. [] I may have missed something, but have you talked to your husband since the day you saw the puppies and let him know how important taking one of those puppies is to you? You want another dog anyway and you really want to help these particular puppies...

I may have missed something, but have you talked to your husband since the day you saw the puppies and let him know how important taking one of those puppies is to you?

I haven't talked to him yet. He had to go back to work right after we got home and he won't be back home again until tonight. I needed a couple days to cool off anyway, I've cried more in the last three days than in the last 15 years. I get extremely embarassed when I cry, which, of course, makes me cry more. Hopefully I can talk to him now without the waterworks. I am anything but a drama queen and don't want him to think I'm trying to be manipulative or put him on a guilt trip.

ORIGINAL: jenhuedepohl

I may have missed something, but have you talked to your husband since the day you saw the puppies and let him know how important taking one of those puppies is to you?

I haven't talked to him yet. He had to go back to work right after we got home and he won't be back home again until tonight. I needed a couple days to cool off anyway, I've cried more in the last three days than in the last 15 years. I get extremely embarassed when I cry, which, of course, makes me cry more. Hopefully I can talk to him now without the waterworks. I am anything but a drama queen and don't want him to think I'm trying to be manipulative or put him on a guilt trip.

If your husband knows you at all then he'll realize you're not trying to pull a guilt trip. Sending good wishes for you!! []

It seems to me, if I was in your position, that the feelings of leaving those puppies and not being able to save them might be remarkably similiar to some of the feelings of not being able to "save" Blackhawk.  I would imagine just feeling anything similar to those feelings could result in an intense expression now.  Go easy on yourself and let the grief out.  Thinking of you with caring thoughts, and also sending special wishes that those pups will be in good hands soon.