Dog Community

I have never been more disgusted with myself

Posted : 4/9/2007 4:52:46 PM

I can't believe how insecure and worhtlessI feel right now. We went out of state to stay with relative for Easter. When we got there we found out that my aunt's co-worker was giving away Golden retriever puppies. Her friend's a backyard breeder. They are 4-5 months old and she couldn't get them all sold. She also had some one year old dogs that never sold. My sister-in-law has been wanting a new pup. Their golden is 13 now. My brother didn't want one but my SIL is not one to let that stop her. I went with her to see the pups.

This lady comes pulling up with three pups shivering in the back of a pickup, laying in icy water. Every one of those pups was absolutely terrified and completely frozen with fear. We couldn't get them to even stand up or look at us. Two of them pooped on themselves they were so scared. This is not normal for a 4 month old golden. The female my sister-in-law took is still petrified two days later. That dog is so pathetic even my brother forgave her (a little). They were being fed and I don't think they've been abused, just severly unsocialized and porly bred so we can't turn her in for abuse.

I should have just taken them, but stupid me called my husband first. He insisted that he did not want another dog. I cried all the way back to my aunt's house. I can't believe I left those poor pups there because I was worried someone would get mad at me. I tried to talk him into letting me take at least one home so I could foster it for the local rescue but he didn't think I would give it up. I can't believe I am so weak. I know he's my husband, but for crying out loud, I could have gotten some guts and insisted. My self-esteem is at rock bottom right now. I always thought I'd be able to do the right thing but I caved-in without a fight. I gave my aunt the info for a Golden rescue in their state, but I should have done something myself instead of passing the problem on to someone else. Everyone keeps telling me I can't save them all. But I don't even have the f'ing guts to save one puppy.

lisa baker

Posted : 4/9/2007 5:19:00 PM

Hey dont be so hard on yourself. As long as you had someone call the rescue place maybe everything will turn out okay. And all of us dont do things we want sometimes because of spouses or family and friends we need to do what we feel is right.Hope it all works out for the puppies.

Hunterwayit

Posted : 4/9/2007 5:24:02 PM

Yeah I agree don't beat yourself up I'm a shocker and would take anything in cause I feel I need to do my bit to help but it's not always possible and the reason these rescues are opened is cause all us softies can't do it all. Having a pup in the house can cause all sorts of problems.

lisa baker

Posted : 4/9/2007 5:30:37 PM

Thats so true sometimes you just cant help. But you at least know your heart was there to do it. Thats like my family will always say we dont need more pets cause we have a puppy and 4 house cats but what they dont realize is that I take care of all of them. LOL Plus do house work yards work part time and so . And Im not getting any younger. But I enjoy all my pets. I talk to them all day like they are people. Plus they dont yell and do what there told thats the great part. LOL

Liesje

Posted : 4/9/2007 5:37:48 PM

Aw, how terrible!

Don't beat yourself up over it. Even if all the dog lovers took in every neglected dog we saw, there'd still be thousands left uncared for. Think of it this way - you're helping by trying to inform the people you know how to avoid a BYB.

I felt very sad the other day. We were stopped in Birmingham, Alabama on our way home from Fort Morgan. We went to McDonald's and on the way out we saw a black and white dog (BC mix) at the back of the parking lot. He had obviously been stray for sometime as he knew how to avoid getting hit and was trying to come closer waiting for a handout or a dropped French fry. Poor thing! If we'd been in town, I would have taken him.

But alas, we can't take in every one that needs us [

]

BY Labs

Posted : 4/9/2007 6:49:06 PM

These puppies may have so many issues they can't be fixed and it isn't your fault this person is breeding dogs that she can't place. At least your sister-in-law was able to take one in and you can help her by giving her advice and support with her pup. There will be others that you can help in your life. Not everyone can foster but there are lots of other ways to assist rescues. See this info about 100 ways you can help without fostering a dog: [linkhttp://www.labmed.org/lnk_hundredways.html]http://www.labmed.org/lnk_hundredways.html[/link]
Deb

(Here is Buster, the foster dog we couldn't part with.....he came with baggage but things are improving)

Thalie

Posted : 4/9/2007 6:51:07 PM

Dont' be so hard on yourself. Had I been in the same situation, it would have turned out exactly the same way because my husband would never let me take extra dogs in those circumstances either even in it happened right under my window [&o]. We have had the beginning of a discussion about fostering and it will not happen in any near future.

It is not weakness on your part or lack of guts, it is being considerate of the other human being you share your life with. You did something by giving info right away about a rescue; it gives those pups a chance of getting out of that situation which is more than they would have if you had not done it.

calliecritturs

Posted : 4/9/2007 7:34:42 PM

Hoenstly I agree with everyone else. You did the right thing to be honest. I would never ever bring another dog in without consulting David. He wouldn't say 'no' without a good reason and we both trust each other's judgment but that takes a long time to develop.

You don't lack guts -- in honesty, it takes a lot of guts to not go with your own emotion when your mate just doesn't agree. I WOULD call the SPCA -- I would also get on the phone with golden rescue in that area *yourself* and tell them what you saw. Her own organization should know, should be able to get those pups away from her and put pressure on her.

Later -- when this all settles down, talk to your husband. Don't let bitterness creep in over this -- tell him you honestly feel like he should have backed your play and what led him to think you would go back on your word? Talk it thru - don't be accusatory. It may be that he felt like HE would cave and a pup with the potential for so many medical problems may have been more than *he* could handle.

You can do a lot on the phone from home. Pups in that kind of shape (laying in freezing water) -- that IS abuse.

DumDog

Posted : 4/9/2007 8:01:43 PM

this is another reason people "impulse buy" animals.... the poor cowering animal looks so pathetic in the petshop window, or at the flea market , or where ever.... so they think they can "rescue" it even though they are still enabling services like this to thrive...they're thriving on our pity.
I am the same as you though... when i want to bring "someone" home, another fur baby, i dont call home and ask because i already know the answer. my aunt told me when i was a kid its easier to get forgiveness than permission.
I hope your SIL didnt pay for this pup...... in choosing a good puppy in hopes of it growing to be a good dog you want to see it behave normally.... interact with other animals/dogs, playing, eating, social status.... i am a sucker for a puppy, but i dont think i would have paid for any dog like that.
Maybe this woman just kept these dogs in the garage or backyard and only interacted with them during feeding time..... short of abuse there is no other explanation for their attitudes. of course, i wonder how many well bred four month old pups would handle a first time ride in the back of a pick up truck in cold weather.... thats traumatic for healthy animals too.
By the way, why did she meet you guys? why not go to her?
this whole situation sounds just like what experts warn prospective puppy buyers of.... just the same, hope she didnt pay for this dog..... but.. if she did, she is AT LEAST protected under the lemon law.... i dont know if your state has that, but Florida does.

willowchow

Posted : 4/9/2007 8:31:16 PM

I can feel your pain. I completely understand. My neighbor is really pushing for us to take one of her dogs for her. And, I know I could at least foster him for awhile. But, at the same time I've got all kinds of obligations, work full time, pet sit part time, have Willow, etc, etc. So, I'm leaning towards not taking him and I feel really bad. So, I completely understand.

I think Callie gave some good advice on how to speak to your husband about this too.

Lori

Xerxes

Posted : 4/9/2007 9:09:29 PM

Jen, you did the right thing. The only person that should feel badly about this is the stupid BYB. It's not worth straining your relationship with your SO and adding more stress at home with the puppers.

jenhuedepohl

Posted : 4/10/2007 2:45:35 AM

Thanks for all the support. But right now it's a pity party for me, I guess. I feel like such a coward for just rolling over without an argument. I really want a second dog but didn't even stand up for myself. What kind of person leaves a petrified litle puppy lying in it's own crap just so someone won't get mad at her. I love my husband so much, but instead doing what was right I took the easy path to avoid conflict. I always thought that I was just being an understanding wife, but now I see how most of the time I'm just trying to keep the peace because I can't handle any sort of disagreement. Usually, I'm happy as long as everyone else is happy but the guilt is tearing me up this time.

willowchow

Posted : 4/10/2007 3:18:55 AM

Jen does your husband know how bad you feel? Maybe you could both take a ride to see them again?

workingpaws

Posted : 4/10/2007 4:26:14 AM

It's never too late to help. Would it make yourself feel better to contact the GR rescue yourself & put them in contact with this BYB? You could get those pups in a safer place even being out of state.

anne

Posted : 4/10/2007 7:47:46 AM

If your aunt contacted the rescue, I wouldnt worry about it, those pups are probably going to be rescued very soon.

I agree with everyone else, dont beat yourself up.

And if you want to make sure, you could contact the rescue yourself & tell them what horrible condition the puppies were in. Maybe you could visit them in their new foster home as well?