Don't Fix It if It Ain't Broke

Thank you Christina.  As one who has been challenged about the number of dogs she owns, and the breed, even challenged about the two fosters I currently have, well, gosh it sure does get old.

luvmyswissy

But at the same time, I have seen some behavior from some individuals who are not into all positive that is equally bad.  Implying that people who are all positive let their dogs run the house, doing the ever memorable "do you even HAVE dogs" thing, telling others that if they just used "their method" they could have done it better/faster/etc, repeatedly targeting and picking at certain members training methods, etc.  We have even had members that were not into the all positive thing kicked off for their repeated bad behavior. 

Absolutely!!  But from my experience that happens when people are in defense mode.  Don't get me wrong, there are many positive minded here that don't do that and that I hold in high regard.  But there are others that I think ruin it for the good of the movement "so to speak"!  IMO have no creditability what so ever.

Although much of what I have seen has not been in defense mode at all, what does that even matter?  Being in defense mode does not excuse a person from acting like an adult and does not make nasty behavior acceptable.  When ever ANYONE acts like that, regardless of the reason, it ruins it for everyone--not just for a "movement" but for those of us who would just like to get through a thread without the back and forth and snarking. 

I mean seriously--this can't be how people conduct themselves in their everyday lives?  When you (collective) are at the office, and someone says something to you that you don't like, is it then really OK to just go off on them?  To start a public tit-for-tat?  Of course not.  Nor is it OK to walk up to someone parenting in a way in which you do not approve of and tell them that they are abusive.  Nor would it be OK to follow around your neighbor who allows her dogs, within the confines of her own property, do harmless things that you do not agree with and harass her on a nearly daily basis.  Nor is it OK to walk to someone buying cookies for their kids in the grocery store and tell them that they are killing their children by feeding them that crap.  Yet this is all stuff that goes on all the time here, and there are always excuses for it like calling it "education" or "enlightenment" or "just defending myself." 

It is so sad that so many threads that could be useful go downhill--and not even because of WHAT is being said necessarily, but HOW it is being said--and hey, I've been just as guilty at times.  I just think it's possible to educate and inform and learn and debate and grow and support each other into becoming the best dog parents/guardians/owners/leaders/partners we can be without getting nasty, personal, and catty.
 

sillysally

When ever ANYONE acts like that, regardless of the reason, it ruins it for everyone--not just for a "movement" but for those of us who would just like to get through a thread without the back and forth and snarking.

One point I hope to make, though, is that we cannot control how other people are or what they say. The only thing I can control is me, my reaction and what I say and do in response. I CAN control that. My goal (and it's none of my business, but I hope it's the goal of some others reading here) is to let other people be the way they are without taking it on as something I NEED to defend.

Let people say what they will, but by God, I am doing a heck of a job with my dogs and I know I'm doing right by them. Since when are some words on a screen more important than that? Never again.  

And here again, Carla, is a door that swings both ways.

I have been called a treat dispensing butler, been accused of having wild and out of control dogs because of the way I train, the list goes on and on.......and ya know what?  I've done the evaluation too.  I've done the sharper tone of voice and had my dogs look at me like I was on some danged bad drugs.

I think that it is human nature for us to constantly question ourselves, to try to learn and to grow....and I don't mean by questioning oneself that we don't have confidence in what we are doing.  Some of you guys throw around initials that I look at and go "HUH?????"  and wonder if I'm a total dummy.

For myself, I long ago had to stop trying to live up to everyone elses standards, and do what I know is best for my dogs.

glenmar

And here again, Carla, is a door that swings both ways.

I know. Did you see the part where I quoted sillysally and agreed with her? I'm NOT arguing for one "side" or the other here. I guess I'm not sure the point you're trying to get across to me...? I'm sorry.

I knew you GSD girls would band together ... why the very idea ...  that's okay, us Husky girls get together now and then, too.

And yes, I know I'm making a joke, calling myself a girl. Back in 2005 or 2006, I helped start a canard on myself. First, I got accepted into the old broad club, the best clique there is. Second, because of that bit of whimsy, someone though I was a woman and saw a pic of me and Shadow in the parking lot in front of Petco and commented that I was a tall lady with hairy legs.

So, I guess I'm a girl, if necessary.

"I'm just a girl, living in captivity, ..."

"Just a Girl" - No Doubt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygqew4RxIg8

glenmar

I think that it is human nature for us to constantly question ourselves, to try to learn and to grow....and I don't mean by questioning oneself that we don't have confidence in what we are doing.  Some of you guys throw around initials that I look at and go "HUH?????"  and wonder if I'm a total dummy.

For myself, I long ago had to stop trying to live up to everyone elses standards, and do what I know is best for my dogs.

And that was what I meant. It just took me awhile to remember I needed to be true to myself and my pets and phooey on the rest. Just because I once again will go down my own path, does not mean I won't try what other's have learned on theirs.

Want to talk about dummy and initials? I did not, in any way, shape or form, know what the heck NILIF stood for. I very quietly looked it up and researched it from another site. And toy drive, food drive for training tools? I referred to it as ball drive for Babe, as for food drive, never had a dog so driven by food before Kord, and that was when he was little.

I

What I was trying to say is that it doesn't matter which side of the "great divide" you are on, I think it's pretty normal to take some of the brow beating to heart.  Does that make more sense?

glenmar

What I was trying to say is that it doesn't matter which side of the "great divide" you are on, I think it's pretty normal to take some of the brow beating to heart.  Does that make more sense?

I agree we all do that. It's human nature. BTW, I still don't know what meh means.

If I remember Ron, doesn't shadow have some shepherd in him? I think that makes you part of the club, heck if he doesn't, I vote you can join anyway.

glenmar

Does that make more sense?

Yes. And I agree with you.   And (in my opinion) it's up to you and it's up to me NOT to feel browbeaten, but to know that when someone is being "mean" or judgmental or making assumptions or whatever, it's about them, not you or me. Because we can't control what they say or do.

FourIsCompany

glenmar

Does that make more sense?

 

Yes. And I agree with you.   And (in my opinion) it's up to you and it's up to me NOT to feel browbeaten, but to know that when someone is being "mean" or judgmental or making assumptions or whatever, it's about them, not you or me. Because we can't control what they say or do.

That's right.  *content removed, inappropriate* I will simply assume that it's about you, and that I cannot control what you say or do.

Nah, that's MY Shadow who's gsd.  Ron's Shadow is lab/husky if I remember right.

But, that's ok, if we can make him a member of the old broads club we can let him slide on the breed too.  There was a thread AGES ago for black and white dogs, and they let my crew in...Sheba has a black nose on her white body and the boys (except maybe Thor) all have a least a smidgen of white...other than the undercoats.

Self-edited. 

Truley

And that was what I meant. It just took me awhile to remember I needed to be true to myself and my pets and phooey on the rest. Just because I once again will go down my own path, does not mean I won't try what other's have learned on theirs.

That's what I meant when I said if I'm out of integrity (not being true to myself) my dogs will know it. They are my best teachers. That's not to say that there's nothing out there to learn. There's much to learn. But doing something that "doesn't feel right" because of someone else's judgments is something I will steer clear of in the future.

And, ron, what can I say? You just "feel" like one of the girls! I love a man who's in touch with his feminine side.

ron2

 BTW, I still don't know what meh means.

My ex used to call me "meh" instead of "Mel" because I said it so much. It's a non-commital sound that means you don't really care enough to express your opinion about something, or maybe even have one in the first place.

 Come to think, maybe that nickname was about more than just a word I said a lot at the time....