My yorkie is scared of my boyfriend and pees when punished

Nola0841

Hello,
I have a Yorkie named Reece and she has been spoiled by me since I got her.  

Like everyone here I am a dog lover. However, spoiled and/or badly trained dogs can be off putting even to me. We all set our personal standards when it comes to the bahaviour we expect from our dogs and I make no judgement. If I chose to live with a dog that has bad habits, that's up to me but I can't expect others to accept certain things just because I tolerate them. So I think you have to take some responsibility for the situation if you have "spoiled" this dog. Simply dumping on the BF, suggesting he is a potential child abuser who should be shown the door is a little extreme IMO. You and your BF need to work on solving this problem together. You have received some good training advice which I think can work if you both get on the same page. Obedience class is where I would start. 

Matt, it seems to me that your problem IS a bit different from the OP's.  I suspect that your GF's dog is not truly housetrained.  A REALLY trained dog will absolutely not pee in the house unless there is a serious medical issue or he absolutely can't hold it after hours on end with no relief in sight.

With this dog, I'd go back to housetraining 101 AND some basic obedience classes.

Just to back up Glenda--there's a difference between a dog who has problems with "submissive urination" (peeing when either excited or afraid) which is what the original poster was describing, and a dog who just plain is not housetrained. A dog who isn't housetrained just needs to go back to being treated like an 8 week old puppy, so that housetraining can happen for real this time (it is entirely possible to housetrain an adult dog who has never been completely trained before). Glenda's right, a lot of people don't really realize that their dog isn't fully housetrained, but a housetrained dog absolutely will not go inside the house anywhere, for any reason, except a dire, dire emergency. Any dog who does not meet that standard is not housetrained, and dogs don't train themselves so that is an issue with the people in the dog's life, not the dog.

The most effective way to stop toileting accidents is to limit her access to areas of the house where she is going.  I would also pick her poop up in a paper towel and put it outside where I want her to go.  Treat her like a new puppy in the early stages of housetraining and don't allow her enough freedom to eliminate anyplace but outside when you are home.  That means that she is either crated or leashed to you when you can't pay 100% attention to what's she's doing.  That she hides from you to make her mistakes says that someone at sometime has done some serious scolding.....she doesn't know that it's wrong to go in the house, just that SEEING her go in the house makes someone angry at her.

Nola, glad to hear you are starting to think about the long term.  I PM'd you my housetraining sheet - maybe it will help. 

I'm glad things are going better for you and your BF and your dog!!

My BF and I have had some serious conflicts over my dog as well, but with a lot of time and patience and some great advice from people on this forum we've done a pretty good job of resolving things. My BF is not at all an animal person and we had some real troubles getting him and my dog, Rascal, to make friends with each other. BF's only real concept of training was "punishment" and loud, stern voices. Rascal is by nature a nervous dog, so started to get really frightened by my BF's intimidating ways. BF and Rascal also had some unspoken resentment on both sides that neither one was getting my undivided attention anymore.

I sat BF down and we had some very intense talks wherein I told him I still loved him very much but that his behavior towards my dog was really hurtful to me. He basically expressed that he had no idea what to do with a dog, but just wanted it to be basically well-trained and to kind of stay out of his hair.

So we worked on some compromises - BF didn't really want Rascal up on the furniture much, if ever (he doesn't like shedding), so Rascal and I practiced a really strong "off" command for getting off things he wasn't supposed to be on. BF was frustrated that Rascal was having potty accidents, so I leashed the dog to me at all times for a couple of weeks and took him outside once an hour. BF was frustrated that Rascal "didn't like him" so I taught him non-threatening, positive ways to interact with Rascal to make friends. I was frustrated that BF "wasn't making enough of an effort" so BF started taking Rascal out to potty sometimes and practicing Rascal's obedience commands.

Practicing the commands made a *huge* difference for my BF. From me coaching him (gently!) and from him watching me with Rascal, BF started to learn how to be I guess "calm and assertive" in that he could be strict with the dog, like asking him to obey commands, without being "harsh" (like shouting the commands or wanting to use punishment). BF did **great**! He can be kind of anal, so he never ever rewarded Rascal unless Rascal obeyed perfectly, but when he did, BF praised him a bunch and gave him treats. Rascal stopped fearing my BF and started respecting him, and BF started liking the attention and respect he was getting. (And of course I praised and rewarded BF for his efforts, too!) So now I teach Rascal tricks, and once they're relatively solid, BF practices with him. Both Rascal and BF think this is a lot of fun, and though he wouldn't admit it, BF loves showing off Rascal's tricks in front of his friends.

Rascal is still a "special needs dog" and still occasionally growls or snaps at BF, but their relationship is soooooooooo much better. BF has started trying to understand the dog better, so now can recognize when Rascal is feeling uncomfortable and so can usually prevent an oncoming growl/snap. It's such a relief and a joy to have them be somewhat friendly with each other. And I'm super duper proud of my BF for making the effort and for being willing to change.

A couple of days ago we were at my BF's parents' house for dinner and their (large, new, untrained) dog was annoying people at the table, so BF's mom yelled at him, "Go lie down!!" the dog grudgingly did, and dinner continued on, but then BF protested, "Mom!! You can't ask him to do something like that and then not reward him when he does it! Geez!" so BF got up and went over to the dog and gave him a treat, and THEN practiced "go lie down" with treats 2 more times! I was so proud of him I could have exploded! (This is the boy who doesn't like animals and thinks dogs are very annoying and too much work, but he was offended that the dog wasn't getting the recognition he deserved, so he went over to reward him!)

So anyway... just because things seem very bad at first doesn't mean they can't work out in the long run. Ignorance isn't necessarily an excuse for poor behavior towards dogs, but it can be an explanation. And the good part is, if the person is willing, ignorance is fixable!! Just be very careful to take care of yourself and your dog and really evaluate whether or not it's really worth it to stick it out and try for change. It took about a year for BF and Rascal to sort of make friends, and it was a lot of hard work. We still have a lot of work to do. But sometimes it is possible to train "problem people" just like it is possible to train "problem dogs."

Thanks for the update! I'm glad your BF is making some effort.  Whatever you end up doing relationship wise I wish you the best of luck and am sending you prayers and good vibes to have the wisdom to see whichever choice is the best for you.  Good luck working with the housetraining refresher, hopefully since he's already been trained before this won't take too terribly long.

Cita---that is so amazing that your BF actually on his own initiative went to reward and practice w/ the dog.  I think that is a awesome step forward!!!  WTG for him!!! (and to you for....let's say....guidance )