My yorkie is scared of my boyfriend and pees when punished

The fact that she urinates when she's alone with him worries me.

 I think essentially you're going to have to decide if you really want to share your life with someone who doesn't share the same views about pets as you do. Pets are not, to me, expendable or 'just animals' and I'd never give one up when moving.  As such, I wouldn't date someone who viewed them that way.  I moved across country with a carload of pets, it never crossed my mind to get rid of any of them.

the fact that he's saying you're putting the dog first and 'if you loved me, you'd get rid of such and such that I hate' also gives me an icky feeling.  Someone who cares about their partner won't do that. Period.

 And frankly, regardless of how he was raised, one should be able to use common sense to deduct that hitting a dog is wrong.

I didn't read too in depth with this thread but I kind of have the gist and want to add this:

My husband and I both used to train our dogs "the old fashioned way". We never hit or anything, but we did do a few things and had a general attitude that may be like your boyfriend's.  Anyway,  we have both come a long way since then---both of us, together. And when I decided that I was feeling like I wanted to take learning about and working with the dogs to the next level, and my husband was not so interested, he deferred to me and my judgment regarding them from there on out. I did the leg work and the reading and the researching and he was not interested in doing that so he respected my intelligence enough to respect the new ways in which I wanted to work with the dogs, that I had learned about. I explained to him the general ideas of what I had learned and he listened and asked questions and gave me props for being so dedicated. My husband's primary job with the dogs is to give them occasional walks and love on them ridiculously. I'm the trainer. And because I am the trainer, what I say goes as far as what needs to happen in the dogs' training and what he needs to do in order for them to make good progress.

To me it's about respect. And I'm not talking about Reece respecting anyone. I'm talking about someone in your life and how they are handling a fundamental disagreement with you about something very important to you. Look in to your heart on that one and ask yourself if you feel your wishes and your intelligence are being respected, or not.
 

Observations from an old broad.  If a person does not respect your wishes now, can they ever do so?  If fault is to be laid at someone's feet not shared; what happens if there is a disagreement on child raising strategies?  If you don't feel respected in this issue and you feel you must always bend in the future; does that bode well long term?

I am a believer that folks can change their attitudes, their approaches and their minds.  Is there evidence that will happen?

you could also explain to your boyfriend, that although he used to train dogs a certain way and it worked for him in the past, doesnt mean it will always work with every dog. and it seems obvious to me that with your dog his methods clearly arent working.

more than that though, i agree, that he really should be making an efford and at least TRY to understand your relationship with your dog. to me, this is very important. my BF has also in the past (half jokingly) accused me of loving my dogs more than him. i just tell him, i love them equally. loving a pet can not be compared to loving a partner. but i will always side for my dogs. why? because they cannot stand up for themselves. when i took them in, it became my responsibility to protect them and give them the best life that i can. he on the other hand is a grown person and while i respect his opinion, he CAN fend for himself if need be, and if he doesnt understand the sense of responsibility i feel or can at least respect it, then he is not someone i want to be with.

After reading your edited version I'm afraid that I feel even more strongly that this is not a "good guy" or a healthy relationship.

glenmar

After reading your edited version I'm afraid that I feel even more strongly that this is not a "good guy" or a healthy relationship.

I would have to agree.  If this guy is willing to hit a tiny dog that weighs less than ten pounds, what will he do to your children, and if you married, what would he then expect from you?  In my opinion, a man should respect that this is your dog, not his, and allow you the dignity of deciding how it is trained and cared for.  He should not be controlling your decisions, or overriding them.  That's the sign of a control freak, or someone who, at the least, has no respect for your opinions.  And, it is codependent behavior to send a dog away in favor of a man who behaves like that.  But, it is criminal to leave a dog in a situation where she must be in fear for her life every day.

janetmichel3009

you could also explain to your boyfriend, that although he used to train dogs a certain way and it worked for him in the past, doesnt mean it will always work with every dog. and it seems obvious to me that with your dog his methods clearly arent working.

I think this bears repeating.  You should also mention that just because his parents did it does not mean its the only way or even the best way.  Tell him that those methods were common and much used by the most respected and experienced trainers of the day, BUT NOT ANY MORE because they have moved on to BETTER ways. 

I am so so sorry for you right now.  You only came here for help with your dog and you're getting everyone telling you that you should leave your boyfriend!  I really hope that this doesn't put you off, there has been some great advice offered here.  I do think it might be fair to give your BF the chance to change his attitude... but if he resists this, or if you feel that (as houndlove said) your wishes and intelligence are not being respected, then I would definately say LEAVE HIM!!  Not "just for the sake of the dog" (although I am sure Reece would be delighted!).... but for your own sake most of all.  We are dog lovers here and that WILL colour the advice being offered... but honestly, this looks like a bigger issue than dog training to me.  There seems to be a conflict in very fundamental desires, goals and personalities here.... the way he is handling this doggie problem is indicative of something much larger and uglier.  My very best to you. 

Chuffy

    There seems to be a conflict in very fundamental desires, goals and personalities here.... the way he is handling this doggie problem is indicative of something much larger and uglier.  My very best to you. 

Ditto on that.  Years ago I met a person who I thought was just great.  We moved in together and my dog didn't like him from day one.  The situation was a bit different then yours, though, because he moved into my home.  I still should have listened to the dog, however, because it took me two long, painful years and a brief marriage/divorce to figure out what the dog knew all along. 

You KNOW this already, you said it in your first post.  It is not alright for someone to ask someone else to give up something they love. I'm sorry that he lied and got you into this living arrangement to begin with.  Look on the bright side, at least you didn't get married yet, like I had done!!  Good luck in whatever decision you make.  I know how difficult it will be.

If you really, really like this guy and don't want to give up on him, why don't you bring the dog home and you, the boyfriend, and the dog all go to an obedience class together?

IMO, hitting a dog to "discipline" it doesn't necessarily mean the person is a big huge horrible monster, it just means he doesn't know any better. If he's not willing to learn better, less cruel methods to train dogs, however, you might want to start thinking about other options.

It makes sense for him to be frustrated with the dog, and he no doubt is taking out a lot of that frustration inappropriately. If you help him learn new ways to deal with those feelings he's having, hopefully he'll be willing to change his ways. If not... not a good sign! 

Dana, there are plenty of guys who would not be this way.  It doesn't sound like a good environment for your dog and I am glad she is at your parent's house where she is safe.  The fact that she listens to you and your parents means she is trained and trainable.  It sounds to me like she is terrified of your boyfriend and knows he doesn't like her.  Please don't bring her home until you are not in this situation any more.

 I used to think I had to put up with stuff like that because that was just the way guys were, but I have since met and seen many really kind guys who love their girlfriends "foo-foo" dogs, including my own husband.  He used to think things like you had to rub their nose in pee to make them learn, but he would never hit them and has always been very kind to animals.  He was just a little uneducated about training, etc.

Your situation sounds more dire.  It sounds like your boyfriend has really no interest in learning new ways and is not committed to making it work with your dog.  So until your situation changes (which I hope in my heart for you that it does), it is better for your dog to live with your parents.  Please don't let him hurt her anymore - you are her only advocate and she needs you to stand up for her.

bring the dog back to your home, and tell the boyfriend he can come back when he is trained.

This is very sad.

The reality is, relationships come and go.  No matter how in love with someone you might be, the reality is that five years from now, you could very well not even be on speaking terms with that person.  Life happens, and romantic love dies a painful death between couples all the time.  On the other hand, your dog is going to love you unconditionally for her entire life.  Your boyfriend accuses you of choosing your dog over him as though it's a bad thing.  You can count on your dog to always be loyal and loving.  Can you count on your boyfriend for the same?

If your boyfriend had a problem living with your dog that couldn't be resolved by some patience and understanding on his part (like, say, severe allergies), that would be one thing.  But this is entirely different.  Your boyfriend hates your dog.  Sounds like he always has, and probably always will.  And that's all this is about.  Your dog annoys him.  So he abuses her, then pressures and guilts you into sending her away.  All because he's made her afraid of him, and her behavior reflects that fact.

The fact that he isn't even trying to look at the situation from your point of view, and that he doesn't care that you love your dog and that this situation is breaking your heart, tells me that he doesn't truly love you in the way that you deserve.  Regardless of other good qualities he may have, it would come down to that, for me.  He doesn't care about your relationship with your dog, or your sense of responsibility and devotion to her.  He is not attempting to look at this from your point of view.  He is indifferent to your heartache.  Does that sound like someone worth giving up your beloved dog over?

You hit the nail on the head in your first post.  Someone who "loves" you wouldn't and shouldn't ask you to give up something you love.  I agree with other posters who feel that the situation you're describing speaks to more than just the dog training issue.  This is not the sort of man you marry.  You have different values and he doesn't seem likely to change, or to even listen to and respect your feelings.  There are plenty of wonderful men out there who are animal lovers, like you.  Why not hold out for someone who will share your values -- or at the very least, love you enough to respect your feelings? 

If you're resolved to stay with your boyfriend, I think that rehoming your dog (either having your parents take her indefinitely or finding her a good forever home with someone else) is the best, kindest option.  It's obvious that you love your dog.  You need to protect her however you can.  If it's not by restoring her security within your own home, it should be through finding her a new place of safety.

 How could anyone hit a little yorkie is beyond me...If this was my boyfriend and he hit my dog...that would be the VERY last time he hit her...The boyfriend would be history...I sure would NOT give up my dog for someone who abused my dog...Dump the guy and go get your poor dog back..The reason it pees it's scared..This kind of thing really gets to me..

I'd leave her at your parents house, I'd never bring her back into that environment again.  I can not even imagine spanking or hitting a dog for any reason.  I feel so sorry for her.

I am so glad I have read this article it is exactly what I am going through my gf' and her little dog Rocco it’s a 2 yr old Chihuahua. I would not make her get rid of the dog because he brings her so much happiness but the truth is I hate her dog so much. He pees everywhere at my house which he no longer is welcome  and her own mothers house. This dog has no control, most of the time he will pee outside he is house broken pretty well but he gets so scared of me or whoever is in the room its crazy. The dog will even pee if he is happy well any mood swing he  has, he is peeing. Also to mark his territory I hear this on a daily basis. It’s always not the dog’s fault it’s always something else. This dog has the crappiest attitude I have ever seen (toward other dogs and people for that matter.) I have had chiuahua before it was not like this!! We just got the dog neutered do you guys think this will make him stop this foolish behavior?