My yorkie is scared of my boyfriend and pees when punished

her peeing is a sign of submission, and a lot of dogs, especially small dogs tend to do it more with guys. i have the same problem here. honestly, i would NOT use physical punishment as a form of training with this dog. does she pee at all when you interact with her? honestly things will not get better by just not having her there. in this case, your boyfriend is the one who needs to work with her on this issue. so here are a few things that he should keep in mind: (and sorry, i can't seem to make paragraphs) 1) never punish her physically 2) no roughhousing 3) no sudden movements around the dog 4) no touching her on top of her head or scruffing her neck, instead pet the chin, chest or tummy 5) no leaning over her (it's a sign of dominance for dogs)            these are things he should avoid doing with the dog at all times. now a few things that he CAN do that will help this issue: 1) always act calm around her 2) try sitting or lying on the floor when interacting with her 3) obedience training, like sit, come etc, but make it fun. bring out the coolest treats ever. and remember to keep it calm. this will help her gain some confidence and eventually make her obedient with your boyfriend as well. 4)he could take her for a walk occasionally. this is a great way to bond with a dog. 5) he could feed her her meals.       also be sure to NEVER EVER EVER scold or punish her for peeing. this will only make her more scared and worsens the issue. but also dont sweet talk, cause then you're telling her, "yes, good dog, i like it when you pee". just ignore it and clean up. this is an issue where you dont concetrate on the peeing itself but more on your interactions with the dog. for more information you could try googling "submussive urination". i'm sure you'll find a lot of info. i feel your pain. i have a submissive pee-er as well and it's also the BF who's the issue. patience with the dog and even more patience with the BF is the only thing i can tell you! good luck.. it might also help if you talk things through with him before hand. do a little research together with him on the submissive urination. it will help him understand the underlying problems better.

She never pees with me.  I'm guessing she trusts me and knows I would never hurt her but she's still unsure about him.  Thanks for all the great information!  I already copied it and sent it to my boyfriend.  I'm hoping he'll be onboard and we can try to fix this right away.  Thank you so much! I appriciate it greatly!!!

Dana

Remember that it can take small dogs a bit longer to catch onto housetraining issues, simply because everything is SO BIG to them. Going two rooms over can be like us going to the neighbor's house

There's never need for hitting when training a dog. And, no matter what method is being used, if it results in a dog showing fear of that person or submissively urinating, it's time to switch methods. Patience and consistency is key in dog training. There is never a need to instill fear in a dog.

I'm more concerned that a "new" (or any for that matter) boyfriend is around the house enough to dictate when YOUR pet can come into YOUR home. Who is he to displace a pet from THEIR home, simply because he is impatient. I would seriously consider a relationship that's gotten off to that kind of start.  I would be wondering what the next thing in your life he'll feel the need to dictate. As an adult, I would presume that you would have the final decision on what animal will be in your home.

 This kind of thing always saddens me. Relationships should be about sharing and consideration of each other's feelings.  Not forcing one's pet out of the home.

no problem nola. if you have any more questions, feel free to PM me :)

I'm sorry to say this but the dog needs to come home and the boyfriend needs to leave.  Forever.  He sounds like a classic abuser in the making.  In my experience, and oh, I have plenty of it, guys like this start by needing to bully and dominate animals and children and slowly work their way up to women.  Toss his butt out before he hurts you or the dog seriously.

grab01

There's never need for hitting when training a dog. And, no matter what method is being used, if it results in a dog showing fear of that person or submissively urinating, it's time to switch methods. Patience and consistency is key in dog training. There is never a need to instill fear in a dog.

Please send the above quote to your boyfriend as well. I know many people are taught that hitting a dog is the right thing to do, but it's not. I don't think it means he's an abuser, I think it's highly possible that he never learned the PROPER way to discipline a dog.

Good luck to you all! I'm sure this problem can be solved with a little education.  

First, bring the dog home.  Put your foot down.  Tell them boyfriend you made a mistake in sending her away and he can like it or leave.

Second, BAN all hitting or smacking of the dog.  There is no gentle way to say this:  This is abuse!  Protect your beloved pet.

Third, buy a crate or a tether or an xpen... a safe, comfortable way to confine her when you cannot supervise her, to minimise her mistakes.  Go back to the start with house training.  Forum search "house training" and you will find LOADS of great tips.

What is the dog punsihed for?  Can you be more specific?  Perhaps we can suggest ways to solve these problems without using punishment.  Generally speaking its best to reward what you DO want rather than punishing what you DON'T want.

You are RIGHT that the dog knows he does not like her.  The dog is scared of him, and with good reason.  Tell the boyfriend to IGNORE the dog totally.  It's going to take time for the dog to realise that the boyfriend will never hurt her again.  Give him the benefit of the doubt for now - perhaps he IS just ignorant.  Perhaps this is the way his parents did it with their dogs.  But this is YOUR home and YOUR dog.  And you really do know how to fix these problems kindly, it is so obvious that you are a caring person who wants the best for your dog. 

Please keep using more positive training.  The more positive you can be, the better!!  As I said:  its best to reward what you DO want rather than punishing what you DON'T want.  Do some research, educate yourself on ways to teach your dog in a kind and effective manner and then you will have more confidence to say THIS is how my dog is being trained because *I* know this is the best way!  Punishment is actually hard to use effectively and fairly, timing is crucial... its no good punishming minutes or hours later.... and its no good calling the dog away from something and THEN telling her off, because that "punishes" her for coming to you!

I would recommend NILIF because I recommend it for every dog.  It is a good starting point.  It means Nothing In Life Is Free and it just means the dog has to "work" (sit or down or whatever) for everything he WANTS in life... treats, petting, meals, chews, toys, games, attention, doors being opened, lead being put on or taken off.... ANYTHING.  The "punishment" is then that if the dog does not comply, she does not get what she wants (the only exceptions are: fresh water, obviously, and going outside to the toilet.  When it comes to potty trips, just GO to minimise accidents indoors)  Perhaps your boyfriend will take to this idea, as the dog is still being "punished", just not physically... Make sure that there is no "telling the dog off" or anger... when she does not comply, just "shut down" on her, turn away without giving her what she wants.  Telling off or even a smack is still attention, and attention is still rewarding to the dog... any is better than none right?

Nola0841

He will not let her back in my house until he states she is trained and he doesn't have to walk on egg shells around her so she doesn't pee. Help please! She is currently at my parent's house.

I'm sorry. I did not read the entire post before I responded. My first post was just to address dealing with the dog. I know you're not asking about how to deal with your boyfriend, but now that I've read your post completely, I'm going  to agree 100% with Chuffy. Bring your dog home. If your boyfriend doesn't want to be with your dog, he can stay away. What if this were your child he was hitting on? Would you send your baby away for this man? Think real hard about your priorities here and good luck to you.

If everything is fine between you and your dog, but when your boyfriend comes into the picture, things go haywire, consider who is the source of the problem... Animals are brilliant and can read people VERY well. Listen to what your dog is telling you.

Good luck to you! And to your little Yorkie.  

Everyone here has given you great advice.  Really go forth with some of their ideas, especially from Janet and Chuffy.  It sounds like your Yorkie needs time, patience, and work in order to foster a relationship with your boyfriend.

I really want to echo FourIsCompany's sentiments about bringing your dog home.  Aside from the fact that this is your dog in your home, nothing can be accomplished with the dog at your parents' house.  How is your boyfriend supposed to deem Reece "trained", when she's not even with you both?  Training Reece needs to be a task that both of you undertake as a unit, and it's not sounding like you're together on this when he's calling all the shots.  Please talk to your boyfriend about how much Reece means to you, and how you want her to behave for him as well, but it will take his cooperation and patience.

I have no doubt that Reece can feel your boyfriend's irritation with her, and that's only making the situation worse.  I want to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, and maybe he was never taught the best way to deal with a frightened dog.  So this is an opportunity for him to learn about dogs, and how to become friends with Reece.  As well as a chance for him to become closer to BOTH of you, through the work that you'll be undertaking to bring the three of you together.  I dearly hope he takes it, and best of luck to you.

I just want to add - a lot of times she is probably SCARED of him, so whe he says, "do this" or "do that" she freezes up and she is thinking, "oh heck, I KNOW this one, oh no I cant remember, he's going to get mad again, yes he IS getting mad, oh no what am I going to DO>???!!!"  He may interpret this as stubborn, but really I am sure she would be willing if he showed some kindness.  And he may think "she knows she has done wrong" when she can simply see that he is abgry and is saying in Dog - look, I am only small, please don't hurt me!  This is what the peeing is likely to be about you see.  Look I'm just a baby, I am no threat, be gentle.

Look up the fruits and veggies game and you'll get more of an idea how the dog panicks and struggles to respond correctly.  It will make you much more empathetic and kind with her once you understand how nonsensical English really is to her!

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I have added more information to my post to give you a deeper background and understanding. Any new advice to go with the new info would be wonderful! Thank you!
Dana

Nola0841

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I have added more information to my post to give you a deeper background and understanding. Any new advice to go with the new info would be wonderful! Thank you!
Dana

Personally, I'd make a choice.  The dog or the boyfriend.  He hits her. He hates her.  She is terrified of him. She shouldn't be living in the same house as he is, for HER own good.  I'd choose the dog because people who bully animals give me bad tingly feelings, but that is me.  It isn't as though he's allergic. He's mean to her and that says a lot about him.

If you want to keep the boyfriend, can your dog stay at your parents for the rest of her life? That way you could see her sometimes.
 

He punishes her that way because that's the way his parents punished their dogs.  I don't think it's the right way but then he comes back and says I have no experience and his parents do.  It worked for them.  He just wants her trained.  He wants her to listen to him when he tells her to do something.  I don't think he's trying to bully her or be mean.  It's just the way he was taught to train dogs.  He blames me for spoiling her for so long and says that's why she's scared of him because I am not as strict or hard on her when she does wrong. 

My parents love her and will keep her forever if they could but I want her to be with me.  I'm trying to compromise with my bf but I think he expects too much too soon from her. 

 First of all, thank you so much for editing your post to tell us more about the situation.  It explained a lot of your boyfriend's behavior, and fills in some questions that I was left with the last time I posted.

I can tell you that I personally feel that you are taking the right steps to help Reece.  You're motivated to teach through positive reinforcement, and you understand that Reece's process of rebuilding a relationship with your boyfriend will take time.  Props to you, that's a big step in the right direction.  But if you are to save the relationship between Reece and your boyfriend, this still has to be a two-way street.

And that's what concerns me.  My only concern is that your boyfriend does not seem to be willing to compromise with you.  You've already moved your dog in with your parents, and he "blames" you for spoiling her and causing bad behavior.  From what you've told us, you're willing and able to work with Reece to improve her interactions with others.  I fully understand that your boyfriend's parents treated dogs the same way he does, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the right way.  And beyond that, leaving all dog treatment aside, he seems entirely unwilling to listen to you or work with you.  It seems like it's his way or the highway, and that concerns me. 

You've said that you think of Reece as family, and that's wonderful.  Believe me, you'll probably get nothing but support here for that, because we're all such dog lovers!  But not everyone feels like that, and your boyfriend is in the number who think of animals as just that...animals.  That works for some people, but your posts leave me feeling that you're being asked to change a lot of yourself and your situation for him.  I haven't seen any sign of compromise or giving from your boyfriend in your posts.  I don't like jumping into people's personal lives, but I'm going to suggest that you take the time to closely examine your relationship with your boyfriend and your priorities in life and relationships.  Things seem skewed right now with what's going on in your life, and you've already shown that you're unhappy with your situation.  I would think about why that is.

My best advice is to still work on your boyfriend with compromise.  Maybe suggest signing up for an obedience class TOGETHER.  This is the perfect way for you both to be on the same team, teaching him the best way to deal with dogs, and help her to be more confident and obedient.  Yay for killing three birds with one stone!  Your boyfriend will be able to see the progress that Reece is making, and it should strengthen their bond.

I have only the best wishes for you, and good luck!