I'm at the end of my rope

Gosh, Xeph,
 
I wish I could give you good advice.  Maybe this will bump it up so someone more knowledgeable can chime in. 
 
The only thing I thought of was if he had a place to run free.  Maybe if he could get out his excess energy before training sessions, then he might be more willing to learn and be able to focus on you since he's already got all that excess running around out of his system.

How old is the dog?

Yeah I think I hear ya - I was never a lab fan. Actually scratch that, I loved my grandpa's hunting labs that were imported from Scotland. You know, the ones that actually weighed within AKC standards and had a brain? Most labs I see now are 110 pounds and dumb dumb dumb. [&:] sorry lab people....
 
How old is this dog? I'd say if he's under 3 it'll only get better. My friend's lab was a ramrod until age 3ish. All she could do to contain him was exercise him like CRAZY. Did you try the Gentle Leader? I only suggest that because, if the prong didn't work it sounds like he has high pain tolerance and couldn't care less. The GL however, is more annoying to dogs (as opposed to painful) and might give better results (just a guess?).
 
Maybe you could work him in something he was made for - retrieving. Another friend of mine has an amazing lab, and he trained him using a video called Water Dog.  [linkhttp://www.gundogsonline.com/great-gift-ideas/retriever-gifts/water-dog-dvd.html]http://www.gundogsonline.com/great-gift-ideas/retriever-gifts/water-dog-dvd.html[/link]
 
Never seen it, so I have no idea what techniques or style it is. All I can say is, the guy swears by this video and his dog is SO attentive to him.
 
Good luck!

Oh, you sound so frustrated!  I'm sorry it's not going well.
 
I've got a lab mix and I second the idea of playing fetch with this dog as much as possible.  (Unless he is so badly bred that he does not retrieve -- sadly this seems to happen more and more with labs and goldens both, it's really sad.)  But if he retrieves, it's a fantastic tool both for exercising him and for training.  That's what he's built for so use it to your advantage.  I've got a lab mix and he works much, much more enthusiastically for a chance to retrieve than for anything else -- it's not even close.  I'd keep a ball on you all the time and throw it as the reward for anything you are trying to teach him.  For a good exercise session pick up a chuck-it ball-throwing toy to use outside -- and if he's a strong retriever, you will not have too much trouble getting his attention outdoors when you are carrying that thing.  If he loves to fetch it can also be a great bonding activity for the owner -- you get to make him happy and watch his joy at doing what he was meant to do -- and it sounds like you two definetely need some bonding! 
 
I am sure you know that labs generally have long puppyhoods, are strong chewers, and need lots of exercise.  A tired dog is a good dog and all of that.  Fetch with that dog until he can barely keep his tongue in his mouth, that should mellow him out a bit, for a while anyway.   
 
Finally, I'm not really sure the best way to say this but . . . I don't know how long you've had the dog, so maybe you are just in the initial adjustment period, but it sounds like you've already decided he's not a good match for you.  If you truly believe that, and you can't see yourself growing to love this dog, even when he's a little older and more settled in your home, then consider rehoming him.  Not dropping him off at animal control or anything, but think of him more as a foster and be on the lookout for opportunities to find him a family that will appreciate him a little more.  Sometimes it's just not a good match and you don't have to feel awful about that if you can find him a good forever home where he'll be happy.  If your relationship is always a frustrating struggle it won't be the best for either of you.  If you've only had him a short time and you're still adjusting that probably is premature -- but if it's truly a terrible match and your mind is totally closed to him, I think it's an option you might want to consider. 
 
   
 
 
 

I'm sorry you're having trouble "clicking" with this dog! It sounds like you've tried a lot, and it's not working...
I don't really have anything to add, but I just wanted to say that I agree with acesmom on all counts.
 
 
Edited cos I'm a dufus.

The dog is 2.  He's only about 6 months younger than Strauss.  They've grown up together.  My mother got my brother the Labrador because (get this) he was mad that I got a dog and he didn't.
 
I paid for my own dog with my high school graduation money.
 
This dog runs and runs all over the acre of fenced field my kennel club has to offer.  This dog doesn't fetch.  Strauss will fetch.  Buddy (because what the heck else do you name a Labrador >.< will only fetch if he's competing wtih Strauss, which, as you can imagine, will end in a dog fight (and Buddy always loses).
 
Can't tell a lie....didn't like the dog since the day he came home.  I took him because my mother guilted me into it (worst reason ever to get a dog, and yes I know better, but family guilt...don't get me started).
 
The thing that probably makes this hardest is that I have this (reasonably) easy to train GSD, takes direction, complies almost immediately, wants to work, thinks on his own and offers behavior....and then there's this other thing that just sits and stares at me, never offers a behavior, and just appears to be dumb as a box of rocks.  Strauss is frustrating in a fun way (For the most part), and this Labrador...does absolutely nothing.
 
I've tried a Halti....he just refuses to walk.  He's not motivated to train at all in the first place.  He'd rather sniff the other dogs.  The only virtue this dog has, is that no matter what kind of collar you put him on, he doesn't pull.  Any commands he follows he does because he's afraid of me (gotta give him credit...not so dim that he's unaware that I don't like him).
 
People tell me to try and pretend but all I feel for this dog is disdain, and it makes me angrier because I love working with dogs, but I just want to chuck this one away and never look at him again >.<.  He's not rewarding to work with.
 
He runs around in the kennel club field or in our (large) back yard for an hour to an hour and a half before class....still doesn't focus.  I give him cookies when he looks at me.  Doesn't matter to him, he goes right back to looking elsewhere.  He doesn't seem to "get it" when I reward him for good behavior.
 
This isn't an "initial adjustment period"  I've seen this dog every bloody day for two years, and I've worked with him every bloody day for two years, and the only thing he does is walk nicely on lead, and sit and down when I tell him to.  He still bolts out of the yard, digs holes, and steals my dogs toys (which again, results in a dog fight).
 
He steals food off my plate, he chases my cats, he pees all over the gating at my club...
 
Strauss has never done any of these things...I'm ready to just turn him back over to my mother and say "Get a professional" because I'm afraid I'm just going to clock this dog.  I have a short temper to begin with (I've often just screamed during a training session to let off some steam), and to try and do positive reinforcement training with a dog that offers me nothing, is beyond irritating.
 
I'll try finding another toy or something to work him with, but I'm just about to develop a twitch because of this animal

I think you should rehome the dog.  It sounds like that would be best for both of you. 

Your dog "walks nicely on lead" and "sits when you tell him".  How bad can it be?  I'm far from an expert, but it sounds like your dog was initially bought by your brother for the wrong reasons and then adopted by you for the wrong reasons (as you say) and your dog is keenly aware of all this.  I think that sometimes we can have unfair expectations for our dogs and this just exacerbates the situation because they react to our frustration.  Love him for who he is and I bet things get better.
 
Its hard for me to imagine a person not liking their dog.  What is it exactly that you are expecting of him?  You say that he is scared of you and that he knows that you don't like him.  This sounds like an awful situation for the both of you.  If you get so frustrated during training sessions that you scream then that sounds like problem number one.  Many dogs are very sensitive to their handlers temperament and perhaps that is what needs to change.  My dog totally shuts down if I get frustrated with him.  The more chill I am the more chill he is.
 
I may be missing something here, but your dog doesn't sound that bad.  You can take him  on walks.  Focus on his strengths and have fun with him.  If he pees on gates, chases cats and hops around he is just being a dog.  Perhaps a bratty one, but one worthy of being liked, if not loved by his owner.  I'd start from there and then work on the training.       

I agree with Acesmom. Rehoming seems like the best solution for everyone.

Contact a Labrador rescue for help in placing this dog in a forever home. If you don't like him now and feel resentment, how will you feel when he needs an expensive surgery? Neither of you should be forced to live in this situation for the next 10-12 years when there are many people out there who would love to have a leash trained, housebroken, 2 year old lab.

Yes I think so too. Some people love labs, and their goofy, wacky nature, and you obviously prefer a working dog type much more. I can't really imagine a bond forming at this point.

Xeph, you may not like the breed, but now that you are his owner, his behavior is your responsibility, not his.  How long has he been with you?  Labs can be very supplicative (please like me, please, please, pleeeeeaaaase!!!!! Especially if they are nervous.) He sounds immature (Labs are not like Shepherds, as you know - they mature verrrrrry late, and many Lab owners don't even like their dogs until they are 3, but then wouldn't trade them for the world)  But, the distaste that you have expressed for this breed, and particularly for this dog leads me to believe that he would do better with someone else.  Every dog deserves a home with a loving owner, and this one is no different.
As to clicker training being a failure, I suspect this is a dog that had no idea about obedience training, traditional or otherwise (so became obnoxious, as many Labs do, which is why they end up homeless).
But, I would be willing to bet that he feeds off the *dislike vibes* a bit, too.  Forget the freakin' obedience club - hyper Labs that go to traditional obedience often end up wearing prongs the rest of their lives, and not doing anything constructive.  Forget the treats - maybe he's toy or ball motivated.  Some of them will do anything for a tug toy.  If you really can't do this, find a Lab lover who can.  If he's a field type, maybe he could be someone's SAR prospect (work for toys?) Post photos.
P.S.  Don't you usually know when a human doesn't like you?  Dogs sense it quicker.  Now, the poor thing not only has found himself abandoned, he is trying to fit with a new pack that he senses he cannot - this means *death* to dogs, and they become very anxious - which usually translates to behavior that humans can't stand.  Vicious circle.

BTW, Yorkies would never be my first choice, but when BF's mom died, I got them...
I would never have dreamed that the two screaming meemies would learn everything my other dogs did (those herders spoil you, they're so easy), and would enlighten me more about the special considerations that the owners of "itty bitties" face. Made me a much better trainer.
Fergie is still with me at age 17+, and I would not trade the toothless little ragamuffin for anything.  (I especially love how she slams that little 6 pound body into a down when I raise my hand over my head.  It's as if she's saying, "See, mom, I can do what that little herdin' dog can do." Would I get another Yorkie?  Nope.  But, will I always love this one?  Forever. []
When you are at the end of your rope, once-in-a-while sometimes it makes some sense to tie a knot and hang on.
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ORIGINAL: Xeph

Never have I disliked a dog as much as I dislike this one. 

 
Well thats a big part of your problem right there, he does not need you to tell him to know exactly what do you feel about him, he knows you dont like him, so he will do the same, would you be able to obey someone that does not like you at all? maybe your boss but at least you are getting a paycheck out of it  []
 
You have to take a deep breathe and start all over again, his way to act would be different from the beginning if he didnt sense you didnt like him, he can change but you have to change the way you feel about him, if not then it does not matter how much effort you put into it he wont get better