HELP please, crying and crying - don't want to have to get rid of Trixie

maybe an organized family meeting is in order to get everyone (including the kids) on the same page as to what is happening in this forum exchange of ideas

What you are seeing here is a natural escalation of fear aggression.  It will only get worse, in time, if you do not take steps to correct these behaviors.  I know you know that, otherwise you wouldn't be here.  The first step has already been taken, you've acknowledged that there's a problem and asked for help.  Take a deep breath.
 
The path to being a well balanced dog starts with some basic boundaries (rules) that are equally and consistently applied by everyone in the household.  So EVERYONE needs to be on board.
 
The first rule, IMO, is to agree that there will be NO kicking, hitting, striking, throwing of objects or other attempts at hurting/injuring the dog.  This dog has fear aggression and any attempts at the above will escalate things further.
 
The second rule, is that the Crate is her safe, happy place.  Nobody crawls inside, corrects, yells, screams, or even pets her while she's in that crate.  That's her refuge.  Only good things happen in the crate...feeding times, kongs, chewies, rawhides...whatever.  Only in the crate. 
 
Exercise is super important.  She needs to be walked daily at least twice.  The walks should be made to be part of the routine.  (And a consistent routine, along with a consistent feeding schedule is super important too!)  The walks help stimulate her, and give her an outlet for energy.  If she doesn't like to walk nicely on lead, investigate the gentler leader or other "easy walk" halters/harnesses.  Even further basic obedience from a positive standpoint will benefit her confidence greatly as well.
 
If you are free feeding now, stop it.  Feed at specific times only.  Keep to those times as closely as possible.  After she's had 10-15 minutes to eat, take the food back up.  She won't starve.  She'll learn very quickly that eating should be done at meal times.
 
Google Nilif (Nothing in Life is Free) and implement that protocol, in a very strict manner.  You can ease off after a while, but to begin she needs to learn that you, and the rest of the humans, are in control and set the rules/boundaries.  Besides that, it's a fun thing for both you and for her.
 
These are some basic steps that you can do while you are contacting a behaviorist.  This dog needs professional help, but more than that, you need to learn some management skills for a fear aggressive dog.  It's not a difficult thing to do, and it in no way assumes that you aren't a good dog owner.  You are.  You just need to get some advanced skills.[]
 
Good luck and keep us posted.  We're all on your side and here if you have more questions!
 
 

This is all fantastic advice.  Maybe this latest incident is a good opportunity to sit the whole family down and commit to starting over from scratch with Trixie.  Just like the first day you brought her home.  She needs to feel comfortable and safe in her environment before you can hope to accomplish anything else.

ORIGINAL: Xerxes

The first rule, IMO, is to agree that there will be NO kicking, hitting, striking, throwing of objects or other attempts at hurting/injuring the dog.  This dog has fear aggression and any attempts at the above will escalate things further.

Pay careful attention to this.  I realize you can't supervise the situation 24/7, but young boys can do some pretty awful things to shy dogs in the spirit of teasing (I was a young boy once I can vouch for this).  You have a dog that cannot tolerate much, if any teasing, no pulling of tails or ears, etc.  Not only can this result in nipping at the teasers, but also nipping at pretty much anybody that tries to handle or touch her at all. 

Hi twins,

[]
I'm glad you've come for help, and have gotten so much supportive feedback here!

I feel for you. You've got a serious choice to make.

Based on what you describe, you'll either be making some lifestyle adjustments, or putting Trixie to sleep and not getting another dog. If you opt for lifestyle change, enlist your kids, it sounds like they have already made a committment to this dog, and it'll be good for them, too. Or maybe, and I hope I'm not overstepping here, you'll consider finding a family counselor, rather than a dog behaviorist, to help you work on bringing your family together to work towards a common goal. That alone might do wonders to improve the Trixie's sense of security, as well.

Here's what I have to offer, based on what's worked for us, echoing some of what others have already said:

Consistency. This sounds like your biggest problem. Take on NILIF, all day, everyday.http://k9deb.com/nilif.htm . NILIF is like pack leader stuff, which your behaviorist probably taught you, so it'll be familiar to you. Being strict with Trixie may not "feel good", but it's a better management tool for your husband than his current one, and it's better than putting her sleep. Your dog needs leadership everyday. NILIF makes it easy, it's a habit more than a project. Have a family meeting - get everyone on board 24/7.

Exercise. Why can't your kids walk Trixie or go with you? 45 minutes every morning would do wonders for the dog's moodiness and the kid's fighting, too.[]

If you liked the behaviorist you had before, call him back. Just follow through this time. It won't matter what you read or who you call, if you don't follow through! It sounds like Trixie lives in an uncertain world. The behaviorist would come to teach you to provide what the dog needs, not to fix her. [] Here's another source to find trainers and behaviorists: www.dogpro.org/ .

This site might also inspire you.http://www.k9connection.org/Home.html . Your kids are old enough to take on more direct responsibility with a dog. This site talks about kids training dogs as part of an at-risk youth program. The point is that teaching a dog gives the young people pride in developing leadership skills, which builds self-esteem and confidence.[sm=happy.gif]

My dog had fear aggression issues when I adopted her. I found that giving her a stable world, via firm leadership, combined with self-esteem building, through socialization and training with positive rewards was the best combination of approaches for us. Here's a thread that describes some of what we did:http://forum.dog.com/asp/tm.asp?m=355468&mpage=1&key=distraction%2Ctraining񖳠


Wishing you and your family peace, whatever choice you make. []

ETA: grammar

There has been so much excellent advice given above.  I have only a few thoughts to add.  The first is that with dogs and kids, there are times the dog needs to be crated or separated and that's a normal part of life with both.  When we have other kids over, I keep Sasha with me.  (We don't have crates set up, although they are in the garage should we want them).  I do not trust other kids with my dog, and I know that if trapped by a hug, Sasha would give a warning snap and that snap could break skin.  Sasha loves kids - adores them.  What she does not love is being manhandled, and if need be she'll communicate it.  My job is to make sure there is no need. 

You can keep this dog - and keep her alive - but it will require major changes at home and work on your part. 

It would be wonderful if you could find a positive behaviorist/trainer to work with, as other posters have mentioned.  The key word is "positive."

Good luck, and welcome to idog.

I've also heard this book recommended several times to help with resource guarding - it's called "Mine!" by Jean Donaldson.http://www.amazon.com/Mine-Jean-Donaldson/dp/0970562942

I agree - you need to bring in a professional, if only to help you feel better and to get your family on board. I was stressing out for months about my dog's escalating aggression issues, and when I finally brought in a trainer most of the worry and stress melted away. Every day I was asking myself, "Am I doing this right? Am I making things worse? Am I missing something?" finally the trainer was able to reassure me of what I was doing, and was able to give me some additional tools to help correct the problem. Best of luck to you, your family, and your dog.

you do need to walk her more but at the same time you are right to be wary of the heat.  make time for a 30 min walk in the morning with kids and dog before it gets too hot and if you can, rinse and repeat in the evening before kids bedtimes, again when its not too hot.  i have a feeling that this one change alone wil make a noticeable difference.
 
 

I TRULY do not mean this to be unkind.  But, gosh, it wouldn't hurt to do a little NILF with the kids as well......and probably the hubby.  It really sounds like you've got a zoo going on there with little control over any of the players.  I honestly don't mean this to sound unkind, but, man, I'd go out of my mind with all the fighting and bickering[:-].    A certain amount is normal and healthy, but gosh, when you can't leave them alone long enough to walk the dog?  That would scare the tar right out of me!

twins... I just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you and hoping you can find a solution. I really support you in trying to keep the household together, including the dog. I SO hope you can find some help. Just wanted to give you a big cyber-hug, I guess... wondering how you're doing today.

ORIGINAL: houndlove
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and I can sense that you're in a pretty different place with this dog than your husband and your kids. You feel the burden laying entirely on you...

This paragraph is so compassionate and wonderful... I got tears reading it. This is the kind of support that can really make a difference in cases like this. Your username is appropriate.

Aww, thanks, Four. The support here is great. No flaming at all.

I talked to my husband and we have decided to give it a go with another behaviorist. The problem is choosing a good one. It's so hard.

If you'd like help choosing, please do post here about the people you're looking at. We have several very knowledable amateurs and some excellent professional trainers on here and word travels through the doggy grapevine about other dog pros.

I've been reading this thread since it began and my heart goes out to you Twins.  There are some great people here and with great advice. 
 
I just thought of another source to locate a behaviorist-- the local SPCA or other shelter. What got me thinking is looking at the one link of the "big guns"; my sister-in-law is a behaviorist and now works with her local shelter.  She has her Masters and will be starting a PhD program soon.  Most shelters are hiring behaviorists to work with their dogs to increase the chance for adoption.   Also this may be cheaper, that is if you like the person.
 
To add my [sm=2cents.gif] :  I have my degree in human development/education, thus mostly child development and can only agree with the others--the key to getting any animal, human or cannine, to respond to their environment in a positive manner is to be in a positive environment.  Children (and dogs) need limits and routines to feel safe and comfortable.  In the classroom we teachers talk about creating an environment that is conducive to learning. That is one where students feel comfortable, know what is expected of them and any consequences of not fulfilling the expectations.  I laugh at these nanny shows on tv; all they are doing is creating that safe environment and setting limits.
 
Gosh, I didn't mean to be preachy there.  But do sit down with your children and discuss how their fighting may be affecting Trixie.  Once you do set more limits you will likely find that the kids fight less, but before that use Trixie to help you try to get the kids to stop themselves.  Have them think about how their yelling and hitting impact Trixie, my guess is that if they love her as much as you have said they do, they will try to lessen their disputes with one another.[]
 
I only want the best for you and your family and will be looking for updates.

I wanted to say that but I couldn't come up with a nice way to say. I ended up sounding like a stern parent. Remove priviliges for misbehavior. Reward good behavior. For the entire family and dog.

I wish you the best of luck in rehabilitating your dog. There are many great suggestions offered to you from everyone. I hope you take my comments in the manner in which they are intended, as they may sound somewhat harsh and that is not the intention. Please do not give your dog to anyone. A dog with a bite history and with nervous aggressive behavior is most likely going to become worse if re-homed. I sympathize with your problem but urge you  to consider putting her to sleep if you cannot rehabilitate. There will be those who will flame me for even suggesting it, but we have a responsibility to do the right thing with red zone dogs and the right thing is never to give them away. I also urge you to use extreme caution in regards to your children and the children of others. If she has bitten kids she is very apt to do the same again. The results may not be as superficial as before the next time they occur. It is far better for her to walk the rainbow bridge surrounded by her family than to do it alone in some shelter.

I don't know, from what I read this is NOT a so called "red zone" dog.  Its a dog with not limits in a crazy household.  I think that all the advise is right on the money.  You do need to get the kids and your husband on board and for them all to beleive in what they are doing.  I would also highly suggest you find a way to manage the dog and be sure the kids and dogs are not together unsupervised.  How old are the kids?  Maybe going back to school will free you up to work with the dog without the disruptive distractions around.  Good luck!