I am in tears right now. I feel like such a complete and utter failure. [
]
Madison has become progressively human aggressive. I don't know what I did wrong with her but she's just getting worse and worse and I don't know what else to do.
She has always been terrified that we're going to hit her. Understandable, since she was hit often in the past. At first it was just her being really scared of little things- raised voices, that sort of stuff. So we were quieter. She rarely needed corrections, since she was so well behaved.
Well, her bahvior has gotten progressively worse. She started attacking the other dogs. Okay, no more play time with the other dogs. She started becoming possessive of various objects- we just ignored her, practiced really extreme NILIF, and hoped that would help. It didn't. She started opening cabinets to steal food right in front of us. A verbal correction resulted in her flipping over onto her back, urinating in fear, and yelping- as if I had hit her. This became a trend, and she began to progressively overeact to even the slightest verbal correction- the only corrections we gave. We never laid a hand on her.
Then she started snapping at us whenever she thought we were angry. If we grabbed her collar to stop her from physically doing something wrong, she would flip out and snap at us. It was entirely out of fear- but what else were we going to do? Never ever correct her for anything? We tried ignoring all bad behavior and rewarding the good. She then did more of the good behaviors, but continued the same level of bad. If there are no repurcussions for doing something she shouldn't do, she continues to do it. The reward for her is in the behavior itself.
All of this has progressed into full blown attacks. Over the past few weeks, she has been attacking DH and I several times a week. Full blow lunging snarling attacks, not snaps. For very simple things- "Madison, Leave it" results in her coming at us. She has bitten us both so many times that we have lost count. Drawing blood pretty much every time. No huge gashes, no horrible wounds, but always a few punctures and once, she got DH's leg and he probably SHOULD have gotten stitches.
I just don't know what to say. I practically grew up with this dog. When we took her from my parents, I thought we would be able to fix her problems and give her a good last few years. I have had her since early march and have spent well over a thousand dollars on her treatments alone since then. I have funneled so much time, and effort, and money into her it isn't even funny. Apparently none of this is good enough. I'm assuming she's just too far gone.
The final straw was yesterday....I had been attacked by her before but nothing like this. I was getting ready to take her outside. We're standing by the door, and I'm clipping the tie-out to her leash. She's not showing me ANY signs that shes in a bad mood, scared, upset, or anything. She just seemed happy to be going outside.
The next thing I knew, I was on the ground. She knocked me down, and had me pinned. She was snarling and screaming and snapping at me, but didn't really make contact with anything but my arms...and those just got some scratches from her teeth. I was punching her and trying to get her off of me, and it didn't work...Culley was asleep on my bed on the other end of the house. He heard the commotion, came running, and body slammed her- which enabled me to roll away and get up. She then turned and started attacking him- Culley stopped his end of the fight when I told him to, braced himself, and just took the onslaught from Madison...while I used a broom handle to fend her off of him. Eventually she calmed down and I was able to put her on a leash and throw her in a crate.
No one was seriously injured...but that was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I called DH in tears and he said that she is gone, today. I am absolutely horrified...but I agree with him. She has attacked us countless times, but last night was the scariest and the final straw. Right now it's pretty much out of my hands...DH says she is gone, period. I hate it, but I have to agree with him...I'm horrified that next time I won't be so lucky as to get away with just a few scrapes. If it weren't for Culley, I don't know that I would have.
I understand better than anyone that she is this way due to years of abuse and neglect. The fact is though, I can't undo it- god knows I've tried- and right now she is just plain dangerous. I have to think about my safety, my husband's safety, my other dog's safety, and the safety of people who may come in contact with her.
I am just absolutely mortified that I wasn't able to fix her. I am in tears and pretty much have been since yesterday when this last attack happened...because I know that she has to go. Right now she's having to spend 99% of her day locked in a crate or chained up...and that's no way to live.
We considered taking her to a shelter...but she's too dangerous. We don't want to risk someone adopting her and then her attacking a child- it's unlikely that she would be adopted at all, most likely she would just spend a miserable week terrified in a kennel and then be killed by a stranger. I couldn't do that to her, and I also couldn't risk her harming someone else.
We've decided that the best thing is probably for her to be PTS. DH and I are going to talk about it more in depth, but we're thinking about having it done tonight...we'll be moving starting on friday and there's really no point in putting her through the stress of a move.
I am so upset...but we just can't be around her anymore. We've done all we can and she has bitten and attacked us one time too many. She is truly scary to be around and I'm scared she is going to seriously injure someone...she seems to be of the mindset to do it.
Flam away you guys...I know that I deserve it. I thought I could help her, but I just can't. I've done all that I can, my resources and will are just totally drained.
I have known this dog since I was nine years old. I just can't believe this is happening...but I guess this is it. I am so, so sorry I failed her. [
]