Dogs/(boyfriend) not adjusting well

Besides moving into a new place with your dogs and now living with boyfriend, have any of your typical routines with your dogs changed? 

has the *fear* and shaking gotten worse over the 3 weeks?  Is your BF ever home alone with the dogs?  My concern, and this is from the outside looking in and based on the information you have given, is that maybe your boyfriend is not being nice to them when you're not around.  I hope to goodness that is not the case... but you haven't given us a ton of info and we're obviously not there to see what exactly is going on.

The only thing that has changed in my schedule is that since they aren't begging me to eat first thing in the morning (they used to wake me up for food at 6 am), I sometimes don't feed them right away when I wake up.  They're not harrassing me to eat, and when I do finally fix their food, I'm usually coaxing them to eat.  I even started adding warm water to their dry food to entice them to eat - they seem to think it's extra special now, but still won't always eat when I set it down for them. 

tashakota - i also initially suspected that as well.  i asked him what he does when he's home with them, which he is because he works a lot of evenings and i work days.  i basically think he ignores them because they don't approach him.  in fact, they usually hide out in the spare bedroom where he is not.  he's taken them for walks, takes them out to the bathroom (he has to hunt them down in order to get them to go outside).  i asked him to spend some times bonding with them when i'm not there, but it seems that they are just as reluctant to bond with him.  i think he takes it personally and therefor doesn't go out of his way to spend time with them.
 
also, he told me recently that he behaves the way he does with them because i don't think he wants to get attached due to a past incident with the dog he used to have.  basically, he was away on business and his german shephard tried to bite someone, so his live-in girlfriend at the time called him to say they needed to finda  new home for the dog.  well, he tried to call a few people that might take the dog, but to no avail.  without his knowledge, the girlfriend took the dog to the pound.  when he returned home and found out, he went to the poun and the dog was no longer there and might have been put to sleep.  it was so painful for him to tell me, that he just told me after we moved in together.  so i understand he is afraid of getting too attached. 

also, i think the fear has remained the same - not better, not worse

Well I think they are confused as to who is the leader of the pack. Up until now you have always been and now they have moved into a den where everything smells like him, ha ha! I would say if he REALLY wants to be respected by your fur babies then he should take one out at a time, maybe to a park or enclosed area, bring some treats and work on their commands with them. Also having him feed them will give them signs that he is alpha male, prefferably let them watch him eat and then have him feed them when he is done. That is how it is done in packs and that is how I raised my girl from day one and she knows who is boss. They probably think that they are preserving your heirachy and that they are doingtheir job. Give them some time, tell your bf not to take it personally and they can defintly tell if he is starting to get frusterated. Good luck soon enough you all four should be snug as a bug in a rug!

I suspect that the new surroundings and the dynamics have changed and that change has created a bit of nervousness in the dogs.  There's a big difference between a friendly person coming into the pack's den for a visit, and that person living in the den.  Also big difference between living in one place versus living in the other.  I think that they'll adjust, but remember that the more you give into them, the more that they'll expect in the future.
 
I have a feeling that they'll come around in a few weeks.

i did forget that they can't sleep in bed with me/us at night - new rule.  they each have a chair in the bedroom that they can sleep on at night.  also he doesn't want them on his couch - they shed a lot.  so that is also a new routine.  sometimes if i take a nap i sleep in the spare room (my old bed) so they can come and snuggle up with me. 
 
thanks so much for your feedback!  i really hope that this works itself out, with of course effort on everyone's part.  it's a sore subject between my boyfriend and me.  he gets defensive if i ask him to do something or do it differently or tell him he's not trying enough.

ORIGINAL: haleypepper
  it's a sore subject between my boyfriend and me.  he gets defensive if i ask him to do something or do it differently or tell him he's not trying enough.

most people do get offended when you tell them they are doing something wrong or not trying hard enough, especially if it is something important to them.  And in a touchy situation like this, things could get very sticky very fast.  This is a huge adjustment for all of you.  Your dogs have had you all to themselves for a long time, and your BF hasnt had to really share you with your dog before either, as most likely your time with him before was devoted to him.  Let him know that you appreciate that he is trying, and give him the suggestions that you have gotten here, and let him know where they came from.  Also if things are tense between the two of you , your dogs may be picking up on that too.  I second the idea of him spending one on one time with them in a place not as familiar to them.  It will make him the one thing they do know, and may endear him to them.  Good luck!

I completely agree with Crystal.  Have your BF work with the dogs on training exercises.  Right now, they aren't sure who the boss is.

HaleyPepper, I HOPE I"m totally wrong, but for what it's worth, I'm gonna say this because it happened TO ME.
 
I was married to someone for almost 10 years.  It took me almost FIVE to figure out what was going on.
 
I had an old dog when I met this man (like Pris was like 15).  One of my "guidelines" was that she LIKE someone and she seemed to really like Bill.  I had very little experience with men and frankly I missed a LOT of clues that he was not what he seemed to be.
 
I heard TWO things you said loud and clear.  Your dogs are *afraid* of him.  This is a change.  SOMETHING happened.  Trust me here ... something happened.  Now whether it was ONE incident or a pattern, no one knows.  I suspect because of the shaking that it is repetitive.
 
Will he tell you?  No way.  Will he admit it?  No way.  In fact, if he patterns after my ex, he will go out of his way to then be NICE to them.  "hurt" if they don't want to be with him.  I discovered he was bringing tidbits home from McDonalds for her (not something I ever let her have because she had pancreatitis!) -- but somehow it seemed if SHE 'liked' it and it was forbidden by me .... FAIR GAME!!!
 
Your dogs are no longer eating normally?  BIG CLUE.  My guess is something serious is going on while you aren't there.  I don't mean to be accusatory but it's not an uncommon pattern for an abuser to be 'mean'  (often in the guise of discipline) and then be super nice to 'make up'.  Kick the dog and then bring home McDonalds to it!
 
He doesn't want YOU to see the dogs are afraid of him.  So he tries to 'bribe' them and re-build the relationship before you get home.
 
I didn't see this for a LONG time.  I didn't want to think anything 'bad' about him -- then one day I saw him KICK her (she was almost 20 at the time!!) and HE made up this 'story' that he' tripped'.  NO HE KICKED HER and I saw it!
 
Bottom line?  If someone is capable of hurting a dog, ultimately they are capable of hurting you.  OR children. 
 
Bill was afraid of ME and never raised a 'hand' TO ME.  But he got horribly verbally abusive and I discovered later so many ugly ugly things. 
 
That's MY story.  I'm not saying it's yours.  But when you move in together things DO change.  And it's soon for things to be so ugly. 
 
Frankly don't think of giving up your dogs.  RE-examine the boyfriend in a big big BIG way.  There are clues in what you are seeing -- ones *I* ignored.  Good luck.

Thanks for that, Callie. An old BF that I held onto (like the insecure woman that I WAS, not am) did something to my hound once when he took her for a walk. I had to take her in because her disc were sore--and luckily the steroid worked, but she was never physically the same. She got along OK, but something happened. She HATED her walks down a certain canal after that and she ran from him, shaking, whenever he came over.
 
He was a mean man, too, to me--just in my face and picking on me, etc.--and one day when he barged in without knocking and waiting, my dog ran for the couch, jumped up on it, and shook so hard that I decided, right then and there, that the shaking HAD to stop. I had seen it one too many times and I had a very confident  and people-loving dog. No way was that going to happen again.
 
I'm sure this isn't the case here at all, but your story struck me as important to my own previous situation. I wish I would have listened to my hound months before. We dated about 5 months and I could have saved her back and both of us mentally and emotionally had I told him to fly a kite.
 
Oh, what my dog can teach me . . .

Haley did you discuss with bf about you living arrangements with your dogs as well as your routines?  I would totally disregard the dogs behavior just because of you moving into a new place....maybe your dogs are trying to tell you something.  It sounds like a lot of your dog's lives and routines have had to change since this move in...not exactly very fair to them....and I would not give up my dog for any man nor should you.  He needs to be accepted by you and your family (dogs) or he needs to go.  He also needs to be accepting of them too.   Animals are far better readers of character then we are.

Haley, listen to callie, please! I've seen this happen before to my sister and her dog. If those dogs are shaking and not eating something is very very wrong.