Dogs/(boyfriend) not adjusting well

I also agree, something is going on when your not home, dogs just don't change like that without a good reason.  I'd get rid of the boyfriend myself.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that read that in her initial description.  I'm very sorry for all you that have lived through those situations.  People can be very two-faced without you knowing it.

When my BF moved in with me, we BOTH decided not to let the dogs sleep with us because there just wasn't enough room.  However, if I go to bed before him, I will call them up and let them sleep with me till he comes to bed.  We both don't want them on the couch unless invited and this is because Kota once knocked hot coffee on my sister when she was sitting on the couch.  She wasn't prepared for his random jump up there.  However if I'm watching TV, I invite them up to snuggle with me.   If your BF is making all the *rules* in your new living arrangement, then that could point to a controlling personality which can be just as bad as abusive!

I'm reading this thread and I have to say, haley - I do not envy the situation you are in.  Before you break up with your boyfriend, sit down and talk to him.  Don't accuse him or make him feel defensive, but talk to him about the dogs, what he sees in your future together, etc.  Be completely honest with him and ask him to be completely honest with you - about everything.  Is he REALLY ok with the dogs living with you guys, etc.  You moved in with this man because you think your relationship is solid and going somewhere - you should be able to trust each other and talk things out.  Don't make any assumptions until you've talked it out.  You can tell him how important your dogs are to you, how emotionally supportive they are to you, and if he acts like he totally understands, then I'm sure you can both work on his relationship with the dogs.  It's so difficult in this day and age to find a good man, and you obviously love this man enough to want to live with him. Find out what the root of the problem is, and if he did do something to hurt your dogs in the past, work on fixing the problem.  If you've tried talking to him and then find out something you don't like, then you do what you have to do, but find out what's really going on first.  We may have totally misinterpreted your problem, only you can find out for sure.  Good luck - and I truly hope you can work things out in your home.  Keep us posted.

Chris

thanks all for your input, and i'm sorry that some of you have had such experiences.  i don't blame you for thinking that that is what's going on with my situation, but it's not.  and no, i'm not in denial.  i certainly thought it when i first noticed their behavior, but my boyfriend is just not aggressive at all with them, or with anyone.

it's sort of funny that i could notice such improvements within such a short period of time, but this week has been helpful, and i'm starting to see signs of adjustment.  the dogs are not as antsy around him as of late, and they are eating more regularly, and even begging for their chewies again.  they're getting back into their regular routine it seems.  i don't really have to coax them (especially haley) into eating.  last night when we were watching television, my dogs were sitting in their little bed/couches i got for them for the living room, instead of hiding out in the other room. 

the only rules that my boyfriend has set has been the no couch rule (they are, however, allowed on the loveseat because it's older/crappier and we don't usually sit on that much), and the no sleeping in bed rule.  they are allowed to come up to visit us in bed, they're just not allowed to sleep all night in bed...both due to the crowded situation and also due to their major shedding (they like sleeping under the covers).  i understand why he requested those rules, and although i did things differently, i do not mind those rules at all. 

i had a very serious talk with my boyfriend last night to illustrate how serious i am about him liking my dogs and about how i want him to have a relationship with them.  i understand his hesitancy based on the incident i described with his former dog.  i made sure to let him know that i would not pressure him into bonding with my dogs anymore, and would let him engage with them as he becomes more comfortable.  my offering of suggestions is just making him a little defensive, so he will set the terms/frequency of bonding time with them.  he does make an effort, and that's all that matters to me right now.   i think i need to let it go and allow it to happen a little more naturally, so it doesn't feel so forced.  since that talk, i think we're both less frustrated, which the dogs can probably pick up on as well. 

thanks all for your kindness and advice!  i think after the past few days of further adjustment and communication (we have been communicating, but i think we were both too defensive at first to really listen), i have hope that soon it will be even better for all of us!

Oh good, I'm glad you guys can talk about this and that it's not what it seems to outsiders.    Good luck with the new arrangements and adjustments!