calliecritturs
Posted : 6/7/2010 5:59:17 PM
Gosh I am so very very sorry. I tried to call you back this afternoon -- I completely understand.
These horrible diseases that they get take such an enormous toll on the family and the dog. You did the kindest, most loving thing you could do.
don't feel guilty -- all Brownie said to you was 'I love you Mom'. There is NO guilt there. Considering what your husband said -- that there was a *painful* tumor on his side -- then you DID *do* the best thing.
There is this wonderful place -- it's called Rainbow Bridge -- and it's just this side of Heaven's Gates. There they wait for us. And they have lots of company. There is a whole section on this website for Rainbow Bridge -- where you can post and receive a whole lot of support. MANY of us have been through this -- it is always difficult.
But think about it -- they ARE our best friends. So grieving for them honors them -- but don't beat yourself up. You did the BEST you could -- and that's all anyone or anything can ever ask of us. We learn ... we do better.
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com -- When Brownie came over that Bridge and stopped at the bottom, there was a whole crowd there to meet him. Maybe a little confusing at first because Brownie probably thot "Wow -- who are all THESE guys?? They all know MY name!!"
Because there is always a Welcoming Committee -- either dogs they've known and sometimes friends. I know my Kee Shu, Prissy, Socks, Muffin, Polly and ... of course the little MOstlie Sheltie named Foxy -- they were all there. Foxy LOVED the computer ... and being the herding dog mix that he is, I often think he's up there just organizing the heck out of everbuddy!! (with help from SpiritDogs Dancer and many others). But in short -- a lot of us on here have dogs up there -- and I firmly believe that whatever is important to us here -- is important up there. So Brownie had quite the Welcome.
And then there would have been time for reassurance -- because he didn't want to leave YOU -- that's always their most difficult thing. They think WE can't live without them. But somebuddy up there showed Brownie a nice cool spot in the green grass of the Meadow and told him -- about how all the dogs wait for us ... and one day, we'll be reunited with those we loved the most.
Today you feel raw ... and beat up. And nothing any of us can say or do really can help. But our hearts ARE with you.
You truly did all you could. Just let yourself grieve for now ... and miss Brownie. Of *course* you miss him -- it's normal ... it's natural ... it's healthy.
And as you begin to pick up the pieces ... you will have learned somethings ... and there will be things you may do differently next time. NOT because you did 'wrong" ... but just because there is only so much we CAN do.
So next time we start a little earlier -- maybe we change food ... maybe we change how we watch their health ... only things because we have learned better. And those things only honor Brownie.
I have lost many dogs in this life. I know with my first dog, Prissy that I made a lot of mistakes. But I also know she doesn't hold that against me. In fact ... I kinda like to think the old girl is a bit proud of me that I've learned so much over the years.
There is a saying "hindsight is 20/20" -- only because we can look back and know what decision led to what else. But we don't know those things as we step thru life. So don't waste time making yourself feel worse.
Right now missing Brownie is so very sore. Give yourself a few days to deal with that. Hang around here -- and you'll find many here understand. You won't hear ANYONE here say "oh, it's JUST a dog".
Nope -- you'll never EVER get that here. We're all a bunch of certified looonies in some ways because all of us go to great lengths for our dogs. Not all in the same way -- but we're all passionate about them and that's what binds us together.
(((hugs))) Take care hon -- we're here as you need us.