My beloved bulldog Holly is gone

Redbird is so right Hollysmom! 
Hold onto the good - there are others out there that need you and whatever help you can give. 
Try for now to put your care into Red, Jim and your MIL. They are hurting too.You guys are all in this together,,even though Holly was your heart.   Holly would want you to be strong and to think of all the good things she was to you. I know, in a way that makes you sadder but so many of these memories bring smiles to our faces.  I remember so welll that empty house after loosing my dogs.  But you do have Red, thank goodness for that.  Maybe you can go an extra step with him to bring him out of his depression,,,an extra bone,,,maybe longer play time. You guys can help eachother.  We do understand what your going thru, we all wish we could do something for you because we know the hurt so much. I said I would never get another dog after loosing my Cindy dog....and here I am with Bubblegum,,crying as I'm putting myself in your shoes.  We all just have to enjoy and love our pets the most we can while we have them, knowing we won't have them as long as we would like to.    Hang in there Hollysmom,,,,try to think of happy thoughts when you can,,,and keep coming here to write your sorrow,,we will all listen.

I don't feel like living anymore, but I know red needs me.

 
Pam - I know it's beyond comprehension right now, but the pain and sadness really will begin to lift one day soon.  It won't be obvious, but you will begin to feel less sad and better able to remember Holly with a smile mixed in with the tears.  What you're feeling is completely normal and many of us have felt the exact same sense of hopelessness.  There are others, like Red, your husband and your MIL who are feeling it too and you all need each other right now.  Lean on them and let them lean on you too.
 
Times like this, it would be nice if we all lived closer and could sit with you and share your pain.  It is a blessing that we have this place where people really do understand what you're going through.  I know that journal writing has gotten me thru many a crisis, and this forum can help you too in that way. 
 
My thoughts are with you and I hope to hear that each day is bringing a little more sun and a little less sadness.   Hugs to you and your family.
 
 

I am so sorry for your loss.
 
You gave Holly a beautiful loss, and she could not have asked for more.
 
My thoughts are with you.

Hollysmom you did all the best -- none of that is your fault.  And if the tumor ruptured it was a blessing she didn't linger to be in pain. 
 
You have to understand -- she's up there at the Bridge still sorting thru friends she hadn't met yet -- "Oh, Foxy and Muffin ... I heard my Mom talk about YOUR Mom Callie ... and Tonka?? Wow -- YOU are an I-Dog legend!!!  Your Mom Tacran talks about you still .... Mr EARs??? REALLY is it you???  Oh my ... MY Mom says Glenda loved you ever so much -- I saw it all over her shoulder!!!"
 
Then she brags to all of them about how much you loved her and how much you did for her.  She and Ms. Socks are likely comparing heart meds and all the cool stuff their moms did for them **because they were loved SOO much**.
 
This is not your faul -- it was simply her time.  This is so tough for you and I to understand ... because we're human and frankly we have to think everything to death.  Dogs just plain "accept" things and franly it's easier for them than us. 
 
Just understand she was with her favorite human and to her the car meant safety.  That was very likely her last thought -- that she could simply RELAX because she was with you and in her car and that was just plain fine. 
 
Hollysmom -- you and I grieve because there wasn't "more time" -- dogs look at quality of time.  Holly would have told you this was the right place to exit.  So trust her judgment dear ... Holly was a bright girl and a good girl -- she did what she thot was best at the moment and sometimes just knowing that a dog went at peace and in a place they enjoyed being ... man ... I only hope *I* get to go in that sort of way.  You didn't have her long enough .. we nevere ver do. 
 
But Holly was a good girl -- she made her own choice ... it will be easier for you if you accept HER decision to sigh and go then.  She knew what was going on inside of her more than you know.  Prolonging her life to be more dependant on meds with perhaps far less quality and more pain (with side effects, etc.) may not have been what she wanted. 
 
You and I may hate their 'decision' and miss them like crazy ... but it will honestly help you if you remember she would have not wanted to worry you ... nor would she have wanted to be "less" with you.  A dog with pride is an awesome thing -- and honestly it's a lot easier to accept that you were with her on your way TO the vet's than having her die just after you had to leave ... she chose to go with you ... that's an awesome legacy.  *hugs as light as a feather*.

Thankyou Callie.  Monica Segal was truely devasted too.  I was a good mom because i had enlisted all the best vets and nutritionists in the country.  But her number was up ;( .
 
Today - Day5 began with sobbing of course. Oh when will I stop thinking like this?  Day1006?  DH tells me that he is seeing Holly in a lush green place and she is sleeping alot, her favorite activity.  He is very pyhic(sp) and spiritual and he says Holly is asking why is Mommy crying all the time? 
 
I do hope she is playing with the bridge kids.  Her brother cat Onyx jsut went on Jan 10, about when Tonka went.  I have been seeing Onyx on our patio lately.  The patio was Hollys fav place, her lounge chairs and fan and  watching the birds and Red playing.
 
Thanks for the comforting thought that she choose me and my station wagon car to go. Oh how she loved that car.  It was perfect for her to see out of the windows.  Our SUV's windows were a little to high for her.  We took her for a ride every weekend.
 
Hollys death has shown me how many people care about me and her, cards and flowers and calls. A wonderful thing.  Thanks for helping me thru...Pam
 
Still trying to post her photos.
 
 

[linkhttp://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=holly-xmas.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch5]http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=holly-xmas.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch5[/link]

Sorry I'm not good at posting pics..here some more.
 
 [linkhttp://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=DSCN0508.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch6]http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=DSCN0508.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch6[/link]
 
[linkhttp://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=DSCN0513.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch7]http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=DSCN0513.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch7[/link]
 
[linkhttp://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=holly.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch1]http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=holly.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch1[/link]
 
[linkhttp://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=H-R.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch4]http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m314/hollysmom1/?action=view¤t=H-R.jpg&refPage=&imgAnch=imgAnch4[/link]

Thank you for posting the pictures of your Holly,,,what a cutie!!  I love the one of her scrunching up her face while sleeping,,,or at  least it looks like she is sleeping.  I LOVE Bulldogs,,,gotta get me one one day!  Soon I will be too old to handle a Dane,,, gee, an English Bull will be a good thought for another dog.   
I'm so happy that you are beginning to see the truth,,,and that is you ARE a good mommy and you did everything for her.   And you DID take her to her favorite place to end her life with her favorite person.  She knew that, and was comfortable enough to leave. How peaceful that was to her.  I'm sure she is ever greatful to you for letting her do that, and now she is playing at the bridge.

Hollysmom... oh my goodness, I was in your position almost 4 months ago.  I still have those moments.  Wanting my husband to stay home with me, not wanting to work, crying all the time, not sleeping, etc.  I could not bare to look at her pics and sometimes if I get the courage to look, I end up in a crying fit.  Even experienced anxiety attacks and I never had those before.  After I found out her diagnosis... we started taking even more photos in all of her outfits, after baths, after rolling in poopie... if I look at them, they make me smile and cry at the same time.  I have yet to look at the videos of her.  I made a video montage at onetruemedia.com of pics of us with her.... with happy music (in hopes of not crying as much) and mainly to look back at the gift God blessed us with.  Our little FeFe! 
 
Everyone that posted is right... please try to not let the guilt overwhelm you.  There will eventually be better days & you'll still have some bad ones too.  I didn't believe it when my closest friends & family told me that.  I had the same issue with Gracie after her sissy passed.  She seemed depressed as much as my husband and I, wouldn't eat or play and would lay under tables (i assume because she could smell Fe under them, she would sleep under them)  I will continue to pray for you and your family.  Keep writing... even if it's just a journal because it helps to get your feelings off your chest!

Yes I am glad that she chose to go with me.  I can't imagine what quilt I would have if she went after I went to work, or if MIL found her first.  I would never have forgiven myself becuase I knew she was sick the nite before.
 
I went and bought myself some valerian, Star Of Bethemlem (Bach flower), and lavender. all these help with grief.  DH and I moved into the quest room as her presence isn't as great in there.  We were painting our room and had moved in there for a couple months in March and she slept bewteen us there, unlike in my bed she slept between my legs.
 
Dyan - she is adorable isn't she?  bullies are so humanlike.
Bragg - I'm so sorry about FeFe
thanks everyone for helping me

Im so sorry!!  Run free Holly [sm=angel.gif]
 
As everyone said...  Holly knew the love you had and wouldnt want you to feel anything but joy for the time you had together.  Hugs!

Holly is such a cutie pie!  Just had to tell you after looking at the pics again.  Keep writing... hoping you will have better days soon. 

Nope, here it is Day6 with no letup.  I can't function at work, I can't function at home.  I gave Red - Hollys blankets, someone told me too. honing friends and writing on this board and emailing is all that brings me comfort.  IT is soo hot here that I can't even go for walks with Red except at 6 AM.   My mother couldn't stand to hear my crying so she abrubtly hungup on me, she doesn't even call every day to check on me. She used to call every day.  My brother has been calling me almost every day .   Jim says he sees her walking around making friends and socializing, not playing.  She wasn't a playing dog on earth.  The moments when he is alseep and I am in the dark are so unbearable.  I have asked my Angels for help but I don't see any help.
 
I'm sorry I am prolonging this thread...i don;t mean to take away from the other painful pet losses... 

Grief takes as long as it takes - there is no time limit, and your grief is no less just because it is no more recent than another.
 
You may not see your angels, but they're working for you so long as you continue to believe.  They will show up in a place and time you won't expect and will help lift some of the burden from your heart and home.  Carry the special memories of Holly closest to your heart, so that they will drown out the sorrowful feelings you have now.  If you let the sorrowful feelings take over to the exclusion of everything else, you'll have more grief than you need bear.
Look for all the things that bring you peaceful and happy thoughts of Holly.  They're there, but you may be missing them for the sorrow.  Lift the veil and you'll see them.  You have help all around you in places you don't know, that will be there for you.