Guilt phase of grief

Cathy - I hope your doggies live long and happy lives, I hope they live longer than Kayla, though.  She was only 3 and a half... but I am more thankful for those 3 years (i got her from the pound at 6 mos) than any other years of my life.  I dont know what I did to deserve such a heavenly being to bless my life.  And yes, although it took a while to realize and be thankful for... I am so very thankful for the way she went. As others have said she went happy, warm, relaxed, loved, with us both and asleep.  She got her walk that day and had a blast rolling around in the grass and running through the ditches.  I guess the complete and total shock of what happened is was caused me so much questioning and anger.  Basically we found out that nothing could have been done, it was one of those things... rare, but real.  I am evermore thankful of how she went.. Im glad we didnt know because if we had we would have rushed her to a clinic where she would have died in a panic with strange people in a strange place.  Good luck with your doggies and may they die as wonderful a death as Kayla did (as strange as that sounds).

Lisa - I am so sorry about your husband, you must be a very strong person, I cant imagine.

Amy - I am soooo sorry.  I thought Kayla had been with you for many more years than 3 1/2.  I must've gotten messages confused, but I apologize.  My lab, Sassy, is going thru some medical issues now and I keep looking at her and thinking "you're only 6.  You can't be so young and so unhealthy".  It's such a helpless feeling.   You just sort of assume that maybe they'll get arthritic or have incontinence problems in old age, but they will reach old age.  It's devastating when that doesn't happen.  I hope you're finding peace and comfort in your memories.

Lisa - I am so sorry about your husband, you must be a very strong person, I cant imagine.

 
Thank you so much, even though it's been a long time (1989) I still think of him, especially when my kids are graduating or going through special things.  I do feel like I am a strong person now, but for a long time I didn't feel that way.  Keep you chin up, it will get better.

Thank you Cathy, hope your pup gets better... last night was the first night with the new puppy for us, we were going to try to let her sleep in the bed with us so I put newspaper on the floor and shut the door and she slept right with us.  I left the lamp light on in case the puppy had to get up and peepee or anything (of course we knew she would not sleep through the night). 
I had a very very long talk with Kayla last night, about 2 hours.  When I woke up at about 3am, I had to pee, and the lamp was off.  I woke up husband and he said he didnt do it.  I peed and went back to bed and turned it back on.  Then I got this feeling that it was to be off, so i turned it back off, almost like a sleep well and dont worry thing.  I dont want to think that I am "looking" for things.  But I did ask Kayla to help us with this new pup and watch over us.  Maybe she turned it off.  That puppy did not wake up once last night, and this morning at 9 am when we woke up she ran outside and peepeed.  Wow. 
 
Lisa, I know you are a very strong woman, anyone who can make it through such a thing most certainly is.  I didnt know how you would react to me saying that because it had been so long, but I dont think time takes away any of the memory, and certainly not the strength it must have taken to get through.

you can't beat yourself up.
When we lost Sadie I had a suspicion she had a tumor as she ate like a horse yet kept losing weight. Yeah I could have done something but she'd been through so much in the past couple of years I wasn't going to put her through more at her age. So I let her be happy as long as she could.
And that's the important thing - their quality of life.
When my son came home from school the day we put Sadie down he was very upset cause his last words to her were "GET OUT OF THE GARBAGE"....he had a tough time with that (lost Sadie unexpectedly). I told him he couldn't look at his last words to her - Sadie had YEARS of kindness from her boy and I told Geoff she wasn't going to hold 5 words against him.
Remember the kindness and love you gave your dog while she was alive - don't remember the few moments of scoldings.

Wow Amy - I love that story about last night.  It sort of gave me goosebumps, but in a good way.  I am so happy that the first night with the new puppy went so well.  That seems unusual that a new puppy would settle in that quickly, so it looks like Kayla was looking over all of you.  Comforting to think of her watching over you, your husband and the new puppy all sleeping peacefully [].  

She will be with me forever, and I will be with her forever [sm=angel.gif]

I too have lost pets. It hurts like crazy! In Oct.05 i put my oldest dog to sleep he had cancer too and i dont even have his ashes. I had Cody for almost 14 years and he quit eatting and drinking so i knew it was time. I almost wish i would of went somewhere else to have him put to sleep because #1 the vet didnt want me in the room when they give the final shot but i said NO WAY am i leaving him to die without me so they let me stay.  I paid for individual cremation and they didnt even save his ashes they lost my paper work they said. This tells me that they see too many pets and no longer think of pets as they should. I will never go back to that clinic ever again! It really bothers me to think that when the exact vet that put him to sleep put him in the cremator thing that he wasnt thinking this is someones beloved pet or even remembered that he told me as soon as he was done they would call me. I am happy to know that he is at Rainbow Bridge playing with his buddy Hunter who he played with all the time. Hunter was hit and killed about 2 weeks before Cody was put to sleep. Hunter belonged to my 17 yr old son and he is the one who came home from work one late night to find that someone hit and killed his dog just minutes before he got home. Nobody even bothered to stop and say your dog was out on the road and was hit.

Im so sorry you were not able to get your ashs back that is absolutey terrible!  I really dont know what I would do.
Kaylas should be ready Friday.
We did a ton of research on a reputable company that really cares, and even then I talked with the lady crying telling her how important it was for me that she be alone (no other doggie ashs) and with her toys and blanket.  I cant wait until Friday.
 
Oh and I guess I will mention, I smelled a hint of peepee on our sheets last night in the spot where my angel passed, so I had to force myself to wash them today.  It was hard.  Frankly, I thought about just leaving them, but I know I cant do that.

ZuesMom, I am so sorry that you did not get your babies ashes back. The exact same thing happened to my parents dog. It was so sad for my mom because my dad passed not long before my mom had to put their Kiki down and she wanted to put both of their ashes together when we had the burial in the spring.
Just know that your babies presence is always with you.
 

loveukaykay,
 Im for sure not letting this happen to my next pet i'll go back to where i know i'll get my pet back next time i lose a pet. I had Cody in the basement for a few days before i made the final decision. I kept trying everything under the sun to get him to eat but he wouldnt eat any kind of human food that he liked but at least he drank water. I didnt even wash the blankets he slept on for awhile and they smelled a little. Now my Sassie sleeps in that spot. Im hopeing for at the least a couple more years with her she is 13 this year.
 
lena,
 How terrible for your Mom! Im sure your Mom knows that they are togeather now and they are watching over her. I have special memories of my pets i have lost and evey so often somebody goes remember when such and such did this and we all have a good laugh.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Just wanted to say I'm sitting here bawling... and I haven't lost a pet in a decade. Now that I'm so in love w/ Stanley & I acquired Stanley at a not-so-young age (6-years-old) I think about this time to time and it almost gets me into a panic attack... I'll have to remember this thread, what wonderful contributions you've all made to this! Thank you so very much.

Calliecritters....I just read your post in reply, and can't believe I missed it before.  Definite words of wisdom.  I had another good cry reading your post...I think I needed it.   Now that some time has passed, I can look back and be a little more rational, and not so emotional about everything.   You mentioned doing something to help someone else as a result of what has been learned. 
 
I know that one thing I am going to do is offer my home for temporary housing to the animals of families who lose their house to fire.  I know that the day of the fire, that was our first concern...where would our animals go?  We have no family here, and amidst the confusion and shock we weren't prepared.  Once our home is finished I'll be contacting various agencies to see how this can be done, and how people can be made aware.  I'm a mobile dog groomer, and I'm trying to think of something that I can offer  as far as grooming.
 
One thing that I now know is that I will definitely make sure that any animal I own knows how to go down stairs.  In Chelsea's case, the fact that she was not able to go down stairs is why she didn't make it.  All the other dogs went down to the basement to safety.  She couldn't. 
 
We had the stickers on our doors listing the pets, and that is what I attribute to the firefighters being able to save 2 cats.   
 
 

ORIGINAL: lucybass

Thanks for the responses. I gave her a good life, when all is said and done. She knew I loved her. We formed a really strong bond near the end. I could swear I knew what she was thinking, which is how I knew when she was in so pain that I had to help her along in passing. In the last weeks before her death, I kept promising her that I'd give her a bath...she loved baths. However, with our bathtub on the second floor of our home and the fact that Lucy moaned in pain when she was lifted (and couldn't climb stairs by herself) I never did give her that last bath. It has caused me so much guilt that I have even dreamed about her begging me for that 'doggie bath.'
 
I am so sorry about your loss, I am sure she knew how much you loved her.  Someone sent this poem to me, my baby is 8 yrs old.  I hope he gets to be with me for a long time.
 
A Living Love

If you ever love an animal, there are three days
in your life you
will always remember . . .

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when
you bring home
your young new friend. You may have spent weeks
deciding on a
breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of
many vets, or done
long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps
in a fleeting
moment, you may have just chosen that silly
looking
mutt in a shelter -- simply because something in
its eyes reached
your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet
home, and watch it
explore, and claim its special place in your hall
or front room --
and when you feel it brush gainst you for the
first time -- it
instills a feeling of pure love you will carry
with you through the
many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten
years later. It will
be a day like any other. Routine and
unexceptional. But, for a
surprising instant, you will look at your
longtime friend and see
age where you once saw youth. You will see slow
deliberate steps
where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep
when you once saw
activity. So you will begin to adjust your
friend's diet -- and you
may add a pill or two to her food. And you may
feel a growing fear
deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming
emptiness.
And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and
off, until the third
day finally arrives...... And on this day -- if
your friend and
whatever higher being you believe inhave not
decided for you, then
you will be faced with making a decision of your
own -- on behalf
of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of
your own
deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend
eventually leaves you -
- you will feel as alone as a single star in the
dark night. If
you are wise, you will let the tears flow as
freely and as often as
they must. And if you are typical, you will find
that not many in
your circle of family or friends will be able to
understand your
grief, or comfort you. But if you are true to the
love of the pet
you cherished through the many joy-filled years,
you may find that a
soul -- a bit smaller in size than your own --
seems to walk with
you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
And at moments when
you least expect anything out of the ordinary to
happen, you may
feel something brush against your leg --very,
very lightly. And
looking down at the place where your dear,
perhaps dearest, friend
used to lie -- you will remember those three
significant days. The
memory will most likely to be painful, and leave
an ache in your
heart. As time passes the ache will come and go
as if it has a
life of its own. You will both reject it and
embrace it, and it may
confuse you. If you reject it,it will depress
you. If you embrace
it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still
be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day
when ..............
along with the memory of your pet -- and piercing
through the
heaviness in your heart -- there will come a
realization that
belongs only to you. It will be as unique and
strong as our
relationship with each animal we have loved, and
lost. This
realization takes the form of a Living Love --
like the heavenly
scent of a rose that remains after the petals
have wilted, this
Love will remain and grow -- and be there for us
to remember. It is
a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets
leave us when they
go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long
as we live. It is
a Love which is ours alone. And until we
ourselves leave, perhaps
to join our Beloved Pets -- it is a Love we will
always possess.

That is very beautiful and so true.
Thank you for sharing it.