Do we have a double standard here?!

Honestly I'm of the opinion that while I may not always agree with everyone there is a tactful way of saying things... and then there are biting/baiting ways of saying it that are more prone to inducing the raised hackles.  I personally don't say something, often, because it won't add to the thread, it would just bring it down, mainly because I don't agree.  I think educating is a very important part of this forum and as someone else said can be a bit overwhelming to someone who has a completely different view on dogs and dog-care.  Educating and disagreement aren't the samething and I feel that maybe the lines are being blurred.

I chose not to say anything in several threads recently, because I didn't think they were what they seemed.  I personally don't think NOT saying something is the same thing as implicit consent. Sometimes it's just the higher road, maybe?

I think that whenever we tell someone that we think what they have done is wrong, we risk having them be upset at us for doing so.  I mean, it's like the old "do you tell the wife her hubby is having an affair?" dilemma.  I think that has less to do with whether the person is new or old on the forum, and more to do with the perceived error.  Maybe what we need is a sticky telling newbies, and oldies, that if they step into shark infested waters they may get more than a nibble on the toe.  Most people who frequent Internet forums are used to what happens on them...I think that if we spend too much time worrying about this, we will become too politically correct to say anything.  Then we just have a pap forum like a lot of the others, where people just talk about what outfit Fifi had on yesterday, and not about serious issues like puppy mills.

Even if it is a case of a double standard being used here, I hope everyone will go back and look at posts from the person they are questioning.  She has always been a kind and graceful person, always offering good wishes and prayers for those in need, and I feel if there was a question, maybe she could have been PM'd, rather than having it brought up on the board.  I may be very wrong, but could we show her some of the understanding and kindness that she has shown others?

stardog85

So, if we all agree that silence implies "agreement" in some manner

 

Uh... Sorry, I may be in the minority, but we don't ALL agree with this. To me, silence many times implies respect of other people's choices that may be different than my own. I don't feel that I automatically have the right to "educate" someone who makes a choice that I wouldn't have made. If they ask, that's one thing, and I will fully give my opinion. But if they don't ask, then as far as I'm concerned, I'm just sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

As regards the double standard... I'm not sure I see it. I see "old" members and "new" members alike ridiculed for the choices they make, MOST times when they haven't asked for it.

So, I'm stating here that I disagree with most of you that we have any sort of obligation to "educate" anyone. Especially under certain circumstances. It's none of our business. And after the fact??? That's just mean, IMO.

 

FourIsCompany

Uh... Sorry, I may be in the minority, but we don't ALL agree with this. To me, silence many times implies respect of other people's choices that may be different than my own. I don't feel that I automatically have the right to "educate" someone who makes a choice that I wouldn't have made. If they ask, that's one thing, and I will fully give my opinion. But if they don't ask, then as far as I'm concerned, I'm just sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I agree with you 100%.  Are you sure you didn't read my mind when writing this post. 

FourIsCompany

So, I'm stating here that I disagree with most of you that we have any sort of obligation to "educate" anyone. Especially under certain circumstances. It's none of our business. And after the fact??? That's just mean, IMO.

Amen!!!!

 

 I find myself in agreement with FourIsCompany and Timsdat. 

 I don't know that I would say there is a double standard, just harder to say something to someone you have known longer. That being said, this board is about people who love dogs. Personal choices are personal choices, whether they agree with the popular thought of a certain group or not. I can come to this board and be able to talk about dogs with fellow dog lovers, but that doesn't mean that I have to toe the line to the mainstream beliefs. We all make our own choices. Whether we regret them later is up to each individual, but having someone else judge our choice when they may not know either the whole story or the person like they thought......that is just as wrong.  As they say about assume.....

Just my 2 cents worth.

Amy
 

Yes I think we have a double standard here.  I think that it is far easier to get on your soap box when faced with a total newbie than it is with someone you "know".

I also think there is a double standard in that some people, if their posts are to be believed, appear to be much more compassionate and understanding to dogs than they are to their fellow human beings.  And no, I do not think that is admirable.  Shame on you, if you even know who you are.

I agree with FourIsCompany completely. 

I also have to say, I felt like this whole topic was brought up in the other thread just to cause a problem.  I think a lot of us knew where the dog most likely came from but didn't want to go into it. 

Well now, I wish my life was mistake free, for those of you who have managed it, please share how you have done it.

I do not see this situation as a double standard. Here you have a woman who lost a young dog, in cloudy circumstances, is a little more up in years than some of us and she, for whatever reason did something that many say they would not do. So what. She did not ask for an opinion on it, so I don't feel that I have any right to comment on it. IMO, no one does.

I am happy for her, and happy for the little one too, for now it has a home, will be pampered and loved and hopefully joy will be had by all.

Look at it this way, that little ball of fluff could have not gone to a loving home, could have become just another breeding machine, would know nothing of gentle hands, soothing voices and many of the things we proclaim we do for our dogs. Would you really rather see it live that kind of life? 

Not me.

Truley

Well now, I wish my life was mistake free, for those of you who have managed it, please share how you have done it.

I do not see this situation as a double standard. Here you have a woman who lost a young dog, in cloudy circumstances, is a little more up in years than some of us and she, for whatever reason did something that many say they would not do. So what. She did not ask for an opinion on it, so I don't feel that I have any right to comment on it. IMO, no one does.

I am happy for her, and happy for the little one too, for now it has a home, will be pampered and loved and hopefully joy will be had by all.

Look at it this way, that little ball of fluff could have not gone to a loving home, could have become just another breeding machine, would know nothing of gentle hands, soothing voices and many of the things we proclaim we do for our dogs. Would you really rather see it live that kind of life? 

Not me.

 

 

 

Thank you!! very well said..

I also think this thread was just to cause trouble..She asked no one for there opinion .. it really isn't anyones buisness where she got her pup from....I do however know that this little pup will be loved and cherished...Good god people give her a break!

minimom

In general, I do not think that remaining silent is the same thing as condoning. 

 

I agree, and after reading more responses like this, I resent the comment made back to me earlier.  There are a lot of things I chose not to butt into that I don't agree with (I'm not just talking about on Internet boards) and I do not see how that equals condoning those things.  I think in life, you have to pick your battles.  If I voiced my personal objections to every little thing I disagreed with, on the Internet and in real life, I would run out of hours in the day.  People that I love and are very close to me have done far worse things in their lives than buy a dog from a shady breeder and I'm over it.

Maybe the double standard is that this is really just a message board and we only know selective bits of information about each person, their circumstances, and their motivation.  We're trying to help lurkers and stay true to what we think is right, but often that involves one person who we don't even really know being crucified.  I try not to post anything here that I wouldn't say to someone's face. Just today in the office I overheard a co-worker talking about a "puppy".  Sure I was curious about where the puppy was coming from, but what good does it do to butt in?  I am grateful that I found so many people to point me in the right direction before I got a dog and I don't remember any of them giving unsolicited advice from a soapbox.  I don't post based on what lurkers might be reading and might think.

I do not think it's appropriate for anyone to get dogs from pet stores, puppy mills, or BYBs and I will voice my objections when asked, but I don't think it's a reason to crucify someone for it.  Most of my friends have done it and I'm still friends with them. I just avoid the subject.  I'm not going to praise them for it, but I won't judge them entirely on that one decision either.  The only time I ask someone where they got their dog from is when I really want to know, as in, I love the dog and would like to know more about the breeder or parentage of the dog.

No one is saying to attack someone, just be honest and speak up when something is NOT right. There seems to be a prevalent belief that if you don't agree with someone you are attacking them, or if they went through something rough they somehow don't deserve to be questioned which is just nonsense. You don't have to be perfect to point out a fault in someone elses behavior either. I'd much rather a honest friend who will tell me the truth and object when I'm doing something inappropriate then a superficial friend who just doesn't want to rock the boat. Feel resentful all you want, but in the end failing to stand up for what you believe because it is easier to do so is just as bad as condoning it IMO. Would you call the cops if someone beat a child and you saw it? Or would you not get involved? Would that be the same as condoning it? What if a neighbor's dog was in poor health and they did nothing, would you report it, even if they just lost a child? Or is it ok to do something wrong if you are hurting? These are obviously more serious examples, but the principle remains the same. Someone who you know and has gone through a lot deserves to be handled softly, but they still need to be told they are wrong when they are. I guess it depends on how you feel about puppy mills, if you don't think they are that bad then............say nothing.

ottoluv

Someone who you know and has gone through a lot deserves to be handled softly, but they still need to be told they are wrong when they are. I guess it depends on how you feel about puppy mills, if you don't think they are that bad then............say nothing.

Now how do you know that someone did the wrong thing.  Were you there.  Did you observe anything or are you just working on assumptions.  I'll go back to something I say over and over.  Everyone's definition of a puppy mill is different.  Even the best breeders are called puppy mills by a segment of the population.  So unless you can observe a kennel situation you have no idea if a person is a puppy miller or not.  Just because someone cross breeds doesn't make them a puppy mill.  What really matters is the health of the puppies produced and the condition of the kennel and what claims are made about the puppies.  Now does anyone on the board know these things.

 

did you look at the site? designer dogs? are you serious?