You guys should make a new law...

I used to make myself crazy trying to follow every bit of advice and feeling guilty if I didn't when I first got Willow.  I've found over the years to take what info fits into my lifestyle and file away the rest.  If someone answers me in a truly rude way I think twice before even considering that persons advice. 

i think one problem is establishing the difference between rudeness and tact.... some people just.... lack tact lol and come across as rude...
 

DumDog

i think one problem is establishing the difference between rudeness and tact.... some people just.... lack tact lol and come across as rude...
 

I have heard that there is a book called "Tact for Dummies."  Maybe that would help!

jenn52

Kyda - I'm not breeding dogs, just taking care of my little beagle puppy.

Opps that was my bad. I thought you breed them. XP Many people have posted good ideas. There really is no perfect dog owner but as long as you try then.. okay I lost my train of thought, now, but you get the idea, right?

There are people on this forum who can be straight up vicious, for no reason. I've been torn apart before on this forum, and I don't feel that it was deserved at all. Hell, some of the stuff that I was ripped apart for was stuff that wasn't even TRUE, that people just made up and decided about my situation. It wasn't a matter of miscommunication, people were just being straight up mean.

I though about leaving, more than once, and then I realized that this is an internet forum. There are going to be jerks, because some people get off on being cruel on the internet. That's how it's always going to be. It's stupid and it would be great if everyone acted like an adults, but it isn't going to happen so you can either develop a thick skin or you can run away crying. Either way they're not going to stop, so I personally chose to just take the good with the bad and start ignoring people who couldn't help but be childish.

From personal experience, I can tell you it's HARD to get past the rude comments and just see the good advice most members are giving you. The truly cruel people on this forum are a very, very small group- and the rest of the people here have been amazing. When you're being attacked, you tend to only see the cruel comments, and you lose perspective- MOST people here are very knowledgeable and helpful. I have gotten amazing advice from the members here and have learned so much.

I don't know your particular situation because I didn't see the thread, but my advice is to take the good with the bad. If you'll go back and look, like I had to, I'm sure you'll see that the vast majority of members here are knowledgeable, helpful people. The few who aren't will be fairly obvious, and you can just learn to ignore those. Some people are just immature and petty there's nothing to be done about it. Take the high ground.

Admin note,

Anyone who feels as though a member has been deliberately hurtful to them is welcome to contact me.  You can PM me through my profile or through the "contact" button, and my email address is public as well.

DumDog

kelliope

rolenta

IMy pet peeve, however, is the unsolicited advice/not answering the question you actually asked in order to get on your case about something. For example: OP: What brand of dog kibble is best? Response: If you cared about your dog's health, you'd feed raw. All kibble is crap.

I mean, it's not helpful as it doesn't answer the OP's question.

 Actually, that type of comment WOULD and has helped me.  I would never have researched raw if not for some of those types of posts.  I would never have researched home-cooked either.  I would have just blindly gone on feeding kibble.  Now, as in this example, I don't feed raw.  Why?  Because it doesn't work for me or my dogs.  However I really don't care if someone else feels strongly that feeding raw is the best.

 

going out on a limb here but i think she meant the part about "IF you cared about your dog" as if you intentionally feeding them sewer sludge... 

Yeah, that's what I meant. I probably could've come up with a better example.

Oh yeah, I just wanted to add that I don't think rudeness is exclusive to those who are new or those who know little about dogs. I've been noticing this thing I call "out experting" people. Not just on this forum, the most recent example I'm thinking of actually happened on a photography forum I go to - people who all know a lot about something gather together to enjoy their common interest but for those with a competitive nature or a superiority complex, it turns into this need to out-expert everyone. I think it's because in normal day-to-day life among average people, these people are the expert. For instance, among my friends and family, I'm the "dog expert", but I come here, and I'm not the expert anymore because there are people who know three times as much as I'll ever know. Most people don't mind, most people like the learning opportunity and having someone to get advice from, but I think some people are threatened by that and have to be the number one, usually by making sure everyone else is number two - that's when you get the rudeness and accusations that someone else is a bad dog owner or whatever. I think the vast majority of the members here AREN'T like that, but even just a few can really be a pain in the neck!

rolenta

people who all know a lot about something gather together to enjoy their common interest but for those with a competitive nature or a superiority complex, it turns into this need to out-expert everyone. I think it's because in normal day-to-day life among average people, these people are the expert. For instance, among my friends and family, I'm the "dog expert", but I come here, and I'm not the expert anymore because there are people who know three times as much as I'll ever know. Most people don't mind, most people like the learning opportunity and having someone to get advice from, but I think some people are threatened by that and have to be the number one, usually by making sure everyone else is number two - that's when you get the rudeness and accusations that someone else is a bad dog owner or whatever.

THAT is a very insightful post.

What I see is accumulated irritation being taken out on some people who ask questions... like lambs to the slaughter, they don't realise that a lot of people here have come up against almost that strain of ignorance - and likely had to pick up the pieces, or were unable to help the dog in that situation.... and who gets the brunt of that frustration?  Who gets the choice words that you wanted to say to Owner X who severely hurt or frightened their poor dog through ignorance or negligence?  Well, the poor innocent who doesn;t know any better - but is better than Owner X because they actually want to LEARN!!

It does irritate me when I see people flamed and chased away in this way... I just think - well, would you get mad at puppy just because he was the 600th puppy to pee on your rug???  Is it the puppy's fault that you have already cleaned up after 599 other hapless pups?  No, of course not.  You begin with each dog, now, as he is today.... not how a different dog was yesterday, or goodness knows how many before that....  Again and again it astonishes me that folks who are so kind and compassionate about dogs seem to fail in those qualities when it comes to fellow human beings....

A lot of people here denounce the use of P+ in dogs, yet use it on their fellow board members mercilessly.  And, just as a dog may associate the punishment with a nearby child, or with his handler and flinch away.... so the OP of a thread desperately seeking help does not associate the sound word-thrashing with the supposed "crime" but with the person administering it, or with the board itself.... and thus lose the value of the real message that someone is trying to convey.

I hope I have not come across as rude or nasty, although I'm bound to have done at times as very few of us escape that.... its the curse of communicating via internet rather than face to face.  I think I have got a lot better with time.  Especially since starting to learn to drive and getting heaped with criticism because its something I am pretty rubbish at.

About once a month a conversation gets started about rude people.  Everytime it starts..there are people that see exactly what the rudeness is,,,and then there are people that don't see any of it.   Makes you wonder if the people that don't see it..are the people being rude!  Then there are the people that say that it is not rude...but honest..direct... whatever.   I guess your going to get that on a public forum....but I sure wish we were all on the same wave length as far as what is rude or not....because regardless if you believe you are being rude or not...if your saying something to someone that is hurting their feelings and its avoidable...then you should not be saying it.

To the original poster...hang in there...try to see past the rude people...because there are a lot of people here that are helpful...and honest and direct...but they don't hurt your feelings.