Our baby is at peace...

On Tuesday our little baby boy went to be with the Lord, whole, at peace and never endured the hardship of humanity. We praise God for this, that he never knew the hurts of this world and that someday we will join him and rejoice at seeing him. It was kind of a dramatic story. We were up in NH vacationing at DH's grandmother's house. My water broke Monday afternoon and we luckily were able to leave Meri and Scout with my inlaws. We hopped in the car and called my OB. She wanted us to try and make it to Boston. It was a very nervewracking ride as amniotic fluid and blood kept coming out the whole 2.5 hour drive. We got to the hospital and they had us go to the ER because labor and delivery was full. I thank God for that because I think it would ahve been hard to be put amongst women laboring normally and expecting precious little bundles to love and care for at the end. We were admitted right away(probably because I looked pretty much a very big mess). After a few hours they took us to get an ultrasound and while they were looking they could see that our little boy was still going pretty strong and clinging to life admirably. It was actually harder to see that than had he passed. My placenta was not looking good and was the obvious cause of all the bleeding. My OB happened to be on call and she happened to have all her patients resolve so she got over to me in the ER. She said my placenta was pretty much a mess and that my cervix was open and that baby was coming. And if my water had broken I was at a very high risk of infection. She recommended a D&E for my safety considering how much I was bleeding. Delivering naturally at this stage could have taken up to 3 days. It wasn't how I imagined this would play out, but I felt at peace making the decision to have it done. It was a good thing because my OB said that once she got inside things were really really bad. The procedure and recovery have not been too bad. Its all the emotional stuff that is so hard and the hormones are really crazy. But we are managing ok and praising God for putting everyone in place and making the situation as bearable as possible. We have a lot of healing to get through, but I know we will make it and come out the other side of this very much stronger and better for it. As sad as this all is I do not wish any of it happened any differently. I know there was a purpose in all of this and I couldn't be who I am right now if I hadn't endured this hardship. I know in the end I will be happier and more grateful because of it. And for that I praise God.
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. You cannot know how much it has meant to me and already helped me through so much of this. Keep praying!

Emily