Cultural Differences - examples for a class assignment

I don't know her but I don't think she was offended by you refusing some coffee. Maybe it was just a comment... Do you think she is the kind of person that would make remarks like that?

I'm particularly considered rude by my husband and my mom, because I always forget to offer right away something to drink or to eat to our visitors... it's just me, I guess I like to wait for people to settle in the house first ~lol~. Anyway I think that we do like to eat while we talk or at least drink something ALWAYS... There is always some dessert, fruit, coffee, tea, something to share when you meet with somebody: specially if you are in a place that offers food/drinks. I even have always a candy to offer when I meet somebody in the street. But, at the same time, at this point I have realized that people in this part of the continent are used to say no, in a way that I think they are being polite, like "don't bother please".

Oh, for example: DH and I everytime the cable guy or the gas guy (internet, landlord, etc) comes to our house we feel oh-so-sad that we cannot offer them anything. We do look at each other dissapointed... after the four times with different people that we offered something and got a very surprised face and an automatical "NO". In Venezuela, when the X guy comes, he would ask for water himself! And if you offer coffee, he would die before saying "no" and even ask for sugar ~LOL~

BEVOLASVEGAS

Down south, all carbonated drinks are called Cokes. Apparently, according to a new employee frome Detroit, they are referred to as "pop." I always thought that a pop was what you gt when you misbehaved or forgot to say ma'am or sir.....

Ewww that one is WAY more complicated than that!! LOL -- I'm from "western" NY (what SOME ~completely uneducated people who haven't a CLUE about geography harummmphhhhhhhhhh~ people call "upstate";).  If you live WEST of Elmira/Cornell area you call it "pop" -- if you live EAST of there you call it "soda".

*grin* once upon a time (true story) a little girl met some friends while on vacation and they invited the girl to come back to their room because their Mom would have a soda for them! "WOW -- really?  That'd be NEAT!!"  So all the kids went trooping to this other family's room (who were, by the way, from Teaneck, NJ -- just "south" of New York City LOL) and the Mom asked "Who wants orange?  Who wants cola?  Who wants root beer?"

The little girl thot WOW -- Not only is this lady making sodas for all of us, but we get our CHOICE of what we want in it??? -- so the little girl said "Oh, I don't care as long as it's vanilla ice cream in the soda!     I like all of them!!"

Of course they all LAUGHED at the "silly" little girl because why would anyone think there was ICE CREAM in your drink???

DUH -- you SAID ***SODA***.  And that's ice cream in a glass with pop in it!!

Last I talked to all of them about 20 years ago they were all STILL teasing me about "pop/soda" -- And yeah, then I moved down here and half the world calls everything "Coke" (and then they order Pepsi??? what's up with THAT???)

But interestingly -- it's not just about "words" -- but it's more about people's reactions to the use of words.  i.e., the interchanging of such words is confusing -- but the problems come in when it actually causes bad feelings.  Alieza's examples above -- particularly about the children responding to discipline -- that's a big frigging deal to communication.  Things like eye contact -- and even how far away you stand from someone when you talk to them -- that is SUCH a big huge deal culturally when trying to communicate with someone and not offend them.

hmm, lemme see..

for the chinese when handing someone money or especially your name card, the respectful way to do it is with both hands. and when someone hands it to you in this way it is really bad not to also accept it with both hands.

in the west many high rise buildings don't have a 13th floor, because 13 is an unlucky number. in china 4 and all numbers that have a 4 in them are unlucky (sounds like the word "death" so...) so high rise buildings dont have those floors. nowadays most newer buildings don't have either. in my building it goes 11-12-15-16...

oh, and in line with gift giving in china: the chinese will give money instead of gifts in many situations. take for example a wedding. in the west you give a wedding gift. in china you give money in a red envelope (the term "red bag" means nothing more than cash as a gift). but in many western cultures it is considered sort of rude and is seen as the person not putting any thought into it.

spitting (including noisily snorting the flem up first) is pretty normal here in china.

some cultures eat food with their hands. in the west it is usually very rude..

in uighur culture it is considered rude and greedy to not start eating the portion of the plate that is directly in front of you. of course many dishes are huge dishes that everybody eats from directly, so in these cases the rule is even stricter.

oh, also, in chinese culture it is considered curtious to take food from the middle of the table and put it on your guests plate. i for one find that pretty annoying..

ok, i think i am out.

apoligies if some of these were mentioned before...

 This thread is very interesting!

 She has read all these examples (they are all great) and is wondering if anybody has more examples of international communication confusion.........

Americans tend to be very direct and forward in their communication approach. In contrast to many other cultures, they say what they want, when they want it, in an assertive way. Sometimes, this is off-putting to others.

In contrast, the Japanese tend to be very polite in their conversation and communication. This is often interpreted as "beating around the bush" by outsiders, or those of another culture. For example, a friend of mine (Japanese) mentioned that he *always* starts a phone call by saying "I'm sorry to bother you at this time." Rather than "Hey, I was wondering if...." Another friend of mine (also Japanese), who works with a company that does a lot of international business, was complaining about a partner of his, how she turned off the Japanese company with her "typical American demands." So, there you go. They lost business because of cross-cultural (mis)communication.

So, politeness vs. directness is often misconstrued by the person on the other end of the conversation. One is misinterpreted as "beating around the bush", and the other is perceived as "aggressive, impolite."

I will try to think of more, but is this the kind of thing you are looking for?

BEVOLASVEGAS

Down south, all carbonated drinks are called Cokes. Apparently, according to a new employee frome Detroit, they are referred to as "pop." I always thought that a pop was what you gt when you misbehaved or forgot to say ma'am or sir.....

When DH and I arrived in Canada from Venezuela we had a hard time understanding this:

When somebody said "eleven hundred" we where at loss... because we learned that 1100 is "one thousand one hundred" and in Spanish is that the way we say it too... never separate a figure that represents a whole amount in two, that really makes no sense to us

Hope it works. If that's the kind of example she wants, I have more.

alieliza

So, politeness vs. directness is often misconstrued by the person on the other end of the conversation. One is misinterpreted as "beating around the bush", and the other is perceived as "aggressive, impolite."

I will try to think of more, but is this the kind of thing you are looking for?

 thw chinese, when meeting a business contact or just ending up chatting with someone in a bar, often mention things like, "we should make friends". i mean VERY often. many westerners find it weird and dont really know what to do with that. they don't realize, that MOST of the time it isn't THAT serious. it is more about making contacts than making friends. contacts (called guanxi) are very important here because often they are theyonly means of getting anything done.

oh, and this one is funny. especially beijingers will sometimes ask you "have you eaten?" this is such a weird question to people who don't know what it's about. the correct answer is ALWAYS "yes". even if you have been fasting for days and you are starving, you say "yes". when you say no, it is taken to mean the person who asked the question should invite you for dinner/lunch, and so it's kinda rude... thankfully most chinese dont ask foreigners that, because they understand how confusing it is, and if you say the wrong thing as a foreighner, it's not as big a deal. "have you eaten" really is kind of like "what's up?" it's just a greeting, and not a genuine question.

i'm sure i'll come up with more once i leave my computer... lol..

David and I have been *together* for 13 years and married for 12.  And we STILL find stuff that doesn't "compute"

 But this one Saturday we were driving down one of those typical "city" sort of main drags (you know -- tons of car dealers, businesses ranging from McDonalds to plazas, etc.) and this one goes on for quite a ways.  We had gone for a short drive to get something and were heading somewhere specific on our way back and David wanted me to be "sure to tell him" where exactly to go. 

Soooooooooooo I was trying to be proactive and I said "Ok '-- when you get to the next corner, turn left."

He said "Ok -- but tell me WHEN to turn left!"

"I DID, turn left at the next corner!!"

"Yeah, but you have to tell me WHERE to turn."

By now, I'm fruatrated and we're rapidly WAY beyond "helpful" and I said "TURN LEFT *****HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****

 Well he did, but by now HE was mad and said "WHY didn't you tell me **WHERE** to turn!!!"

WE actually pulled off the road at this point.  I said "I DID -- AT THE FRIGGING CORNER!!!!" (I didn't say "you moron!" but  thot it"

David finally said "WE had been on that lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng corner for half a mile -- I needed to know where on it I needed to turn."

I looked at him and said "DEFINE 'corner' please???"

He looked at me as tho I was brain dead and said "Well that whole area was a big huge corner -- probly it goes on for a mile or more"

I just looked at him and I said "Do you by ANY chance equate a 'corner' with a 'bend in the road'??"

"OF COURSE!"

"Welcome to the US of A my Love!!!  HERE a 'corner' means ONE THING -- an INTERSECTION OF Streets A and B!!!  Where you just turned WAS **A CORNER** -- you know ... stop light, intersection???"

Completely different definitions -- here it is SO clear ... "On the corner" is usually a right angle formed by two streets intersecting -- so much so that if a corner actually intersects with more than "4 corners" they call it a 5-way or a "Y" or whatever -- NOT a "corner".    We **still** laugh about that one to this day.

Another -- we had travelled extensively here back after we'd met (that was how David and I got together -- he was planning a big US trip and I helped him "plan" the trip).  We'd been 12,004 miles in two months -- eaten in countless restaurants.

But a few months after we got back, he brought me over to Scotland to meet his Dad and sisters  and we were all out to eat one evening.  I had really just started my meal and got part of my meat cut up and put my knife down and resumed eating.  Then I put my fork down to pick up my cup to drink my tea. 

 WAITRESS TOOK MY PLATE AWAY!!!!

 Huh????? What the heck???? David looked at me incredulously and said "But you were DONE!!"

noooooooooooooooo I wasn't.  I was drinking my tea!!  I had put my fork down to pick my cup up.

BUT -- Because I'm right-handed -- when I cut with my knife I use it in my right hand and hold the meat with my left (fork) -- but then I put the knife down (I'm right -handed so it went on the right side of my plate when I put it down and I didn't want to put it on the table because it was DIRTY).  But when I paused in my meal and laid my fork down -- AGAIN because I'm right-handed the fork rested next to the knife.

BUT in Europe if your knife and fork **are together** it is the signal to the waiting staff that you ARE FINISHED. 

I wasn't -- but Europeans don't switch hands with their knives to cut -- and they ROUTINELY eat with two utensils (knife in one hand and fork in the other).  But when they put them down they are on opposite sides of the plate and "done" is that effort to place knife and fork neatly together -- a "clear signal" to anyone they are finished

 Here it's all in the body language!!  Usually when an American pushes back just a bit from the table and LEANS BACK that's their signal they are done.  It's pretty unconscious -- most of us don't even know we're doing it.  David is far more prone to take his time eating -- and will often sit back and talk for a minute and be NOT done.

This always causes confusion when we're out eating -- and it always cracks David up that American servers don't know that "I'm not DONE if my knife and fork aren't together!!"

Not so much "rude" as it is simply unexpected

PurplePets22

alieliza

So, politeness vs. directness is often misconstrued by the person on the other end of the conversation. One is misinterpreted as "beating around the bush", and the other is perceived as "aggressive, impolite."

I will try to think of more, but is this the kind of thing you are looking for?

Yes, thank you.  This is the sort of thing that the class is all about.  How the very nature of communication is different around the world.   It's amazing how different we all are !

Ok. Good, I'm glad that I could be of help. My master's degree is in Multicultural Education, and throughout grad school I've taken many classes that have covered notions like this. I will look through some stuff tomorrow and see if I can come up with more.

I think its important, though, that you don't discount some of the other stuff that was mentioned here already, because communication doesn't just have to do with the way that people verbalize things, but some of the examples I gave before (like a lot of the stuff about differences between cultures in schools, especially in terms of discipline) cover non-verbal communication (body language, expression of feelings, etc.) that are just as important when it comes to cross-cultural communications and miscommunications/understandings. and even gift giving in chinese culture -- this practice, though not communication in and of itself in the traditional form, though the action does communicate something, results in miscommunications.

Anyway, in the time being, tomorrow I will look for some more.