I hate when family members get all judgmental......

I really do understand what you are saying, this is why I moved away from my folks.  (Several states away)

I love them dearly, I just need space between them and myself.  (A Buffer Zone, so to speak)  :)

huskymom

I wonder if any of us don't get that kind of dissaproving tone or look when something happens concerning our dogs?

Oh, you know we all do!  That's one of the reasons I like to come here every day...like-minded people who remind me I'm not off my rocker.

My non-dog friends are the worst.  They think I spoil my dogs (well, they deserve to be spoiled!).  They don't get that I actually like to do things with my dogs.  I like to take them for walks, train them, anything at all with my dogs is a wonderful time in my mind.

They can't believe I spend so much money on dog food.  Even when I try to explain why I feed what I do, they still all have that mindset of "You can go to Wal-mart and get a 50 lb bag of Ol' Roy for like $10!"

Luckily I have a few friends who think of their dogs in the same way I do, so we always love to get together and talk "dogs."  Everyone else can go talk about something else, lol.

I told someone else the other day "leave and cleave" -- meaning leave your family WHEN you marry ... and "cleave to" (become a part of) your husband.  It's not a popular concept these days -- but if you spend your time building your family it works.  Particularly for those of us who were pretty careful (*sigh* the second time around??) to finally ally myself with someone who DOES "get" me. 

Often it takes these little repeated digs to give us all a clue that these folks really just don't get you -- so don't waste your time feeling bad -- particularly when you physically can't do what they want to drive you to

calliecritturs

I told someone else the other day "leave and cleave" -- meaning leave your family WHEN you marry ... and "cleave to" (become a part of) your husband.

Good advice!

I guess my thing at 43 would be a simple reply...  "I am 43 years old...did I make you think you had input in my choices?"   

Yes been there done that and had to justify the T shirt.....  WE make the mistake of allowing those we care about to believe they actually have a vote in the everyday things in our lives. They don't.  If they are not paying your rent or mortgage, if they are not lending you tons of money or bailing you out of problem after problem then NO they do not have a vote.

Families used to understand that, they once knew they had an option. Acknowledge you or don't.  either was okay and if we wanted to be included then, and only then did we try to live by the other's rules and thoughts.

Since she is a step mom chances are good she feels as if offering opinions when you first met indicated interest and acceptance.  By being a polite and most likely loving person your allowing opinions to be given unchallenged may have been interpreted as needing guidance instead of being a generous person.   I would , with a pleasant but firm tone let them know as an adult you thought they were interested in DOGS..... that you would never venture an opinion as to their lives and choices....  Then if they sputter and try to turn it one you look amazed, and say " Wow, I thought we were both grown ups and discussing something easily fixed?? I guess not, we will just add this to the politics and religion list and no longer share this part of our life with you."

And we have 10  people living in our home 5 adults, 5 kids plus 3 adult step daughters with families in other states ex  in laws and their families  sigh...we had to learn how to get along with ages from tiny kids to both of our moms who lived with us to their dying days!

Bonita of Bwana

My family always assumes that my dogs are my kids.  I am NOT like that at all.  My dogs are dogs.  I know they don't really care about dogs so I don't talk about them unless I am asked ("What did you do this weekend?"  "I had a competition with Kenya, you?";).  But I like how they like to think that's all I do or care about.  For example I just got an e-mail asking for a picture of DH and I for a card and it also said "So and so doesn't care about your dogs."  Well duh, why would I put a picture of a dog in a birthday card?  Sometimes I wish I DID gush about my dogs.  I get really sick of certain people constantly bringing up every little gurgle noise their baby makes, like they are the first couple in world history to ever give birth.

Also I hate that people always twist my words to make it sound like I'm complaining.  What I mean is, my mom will say "Can you do this vacation with us?" and I will say "No, I can't afford hiring a dog sitter for that weekend" and then my mom will say "well don't complain, YOU wanted dogs!"  When I never DID complain.  I fully accept the added time and financial responsibility of my pets, and I understand it often means I can't do things that other people can.

 Those type of phone calls are why the world made potato chips.  Just grab a bag, crinkle it while dramatically saying, OH.... NO..... CONNECTION.... BAD.... CALL.... YOU..... LATER.... Then hang up, discounect the phone, and enjoy said potato chips.  After about the 2-5 time doing this your parents will eventually get the idea you don't need them nagging you about your dogs, kids, or anything else that is none of their business.

Krissim Klaw

 Those type of phone calls are why the world made potato chips.  Just grab a bag, crinkle it while dramatically saying, OH.... NO..... CONNECTION.... BAD.... CALL.... YOU..... LATER.... Then hang up, discounect the phone, and enjoy said potato chips. 

I so did this today with my grandma...heh.

that's funny.

I usually just make up some reason why I have to go...but I'll try the chips next time!

lisa4kids1pup

Callie, maybe by the time I get into my 50's, I will be better at shrugging it off. 

Hey, maybe that's why I can shrug $&(# off - I am in my 50's LOL.

I can so identify with Callie - I don't give a fig about curtains either.  My living room has a tile floor, a yard sale couch for my hound, and two yard sale couches the girls can lounge on, plus a comfy rocker recliner for me that's big enough for a dog to curl up on my lap in.  I don't "entertain" anyone except the dogs and my fiance's boys if they come for lunch or dinner and I like it that way - if I want to do any entertaining, I take my friends to a nice restaurant where I can have fun, too!  

BlackLabbie

calliecritturs

I told someone else the other day "leave and cleave" -- meaning leave your family WHEN you marry ... and "cleave to" (become a part of) your husband.

Good advice!

*grin*  Sooooooooo you know good preaching when you hear it, huh?? LOL

calliecritturs

BlackLabbie

calliecritturs

I told someone else the other day "leave and cleave" -- meaning leave your family WHEN you marry ... and "cleave to" (become a part of) your husband.

Good advice!

*grin*  Sooooooooo you know good preaching when you hear it, huh?? LOL

Sure do!

Yup, leave and cleave, that's what it's all about. Unless you are borrowing money from them to pay for stuff for your dogs, it's NONE of their business.

My parents and in laws have been pretty supportive of us getting dogs (we have three cats also), they love the dogs. I've heard a few negative comments from my Grandmother and a few friends, especially before getting Cruiser, who was our last addition to the family, but ya know, it's OUR life, if people truly hate dogs, they don't need to come over. They aren't the ones caring for the dogs, feeding them, taking them to the vet, walking them, cleaning up after them, and doing all those things dog ownership entails.   We can afford them and they are well taken care of here.

I think people are often a little jealous when they make negative comments.  I really think that is the root of it.  

 Sometimes people judge because we crate or we don't let the dogs up on the couch, but I maintain, our dogs are well loved and well taken care of. I don't feel badly for having rules and limits. I think it's just like parenting, kids are better off with boundaries, so are dogs.

I am pretty lucky in that neither of our families are judgemental about anything.  Both of our parents are pet people, so if we mention that so and so pet was sick, etc they just show sympathy and ask how that pet is doing. They never inquire about finances, etc.

I have some extended family that aren't pet people, but they aren't anyone that I chat with, so if they are judgemental about our pets (if they even know we have pets) I'm unaware of it.

I get that disapproving tone all the time.  I'm sick of it too, but for the most part I ignore it.  And you know what - I feel sorry for the people who say those things and act that way.  The joy and companionship I get from my dogs is worth so much more to me than their approval, even when it's family.  I cannot put into words all the ways my dogs enrich my life.  I have 4 large Standard Poodles.  And I am sick of apologizing for that.  I take care of them, I feed them high quality food, they are brushed and groomed on a regular basis, their nails are always trimmed, and they are happy, polite, full-of-fun dogs.  Yup, I have lots of dog 'gifts' in the yard, I have some yellow grass, I have a REALLY dirty floor sometimes, and sometimes it sounds like a kennel when they all get to barking.  And I LOVE it.  So they can stick their noses in the air and disapprove all they want.  All I can say is - I hope they come on over and step in a pile of poo.