I hate when family members get all judgmental......

Believe me Lisa, I know exactly what disapproving tone you are talking about.  My mom does it too.  Or, she'll ask a question but really be implying another. 

 I just shrug this kind of stuff off.  Other people may disapprove of things that I do, but invariably, when you put them under the microscope you find a few bugs in their modus operandi, too.  Remember, she can only make you feel like  you're still 16 if you let her!

 My mom does the same thing...she doesn't like dogs much, she says she does, but she thinks they belong outside. She took the first two very well, but the third and fourth she made comments about, about how they should be outside, about rehoming one or two of them. She does this quite a bit even though I'm 34, married, two kids, and haven't lived with them or asked them for anything since I was 19. We're pretty close though, so I just let it go in one ear and out the other mostly, though when I added #4 I didn't tell her right away...DH ended up telling her because he thinks it's funny when she freaks out. Even worse than meddling from my mother though is meddling from my ex-husband...I'll take mom any day.

Its ok we all understand you can vent here anytime.

 Ah...and you are now, officially, an iDogger!  Welcome!  LOL

I wonder if any of us don't get that kind of dissaproving tone or look when something happens concerning our dogs?

 That's ok, my family thinks that my second dog is ugly, and that it was stupid to spay her when I could have made my millions by breeding her to death. Nevermind that she isn't a physically sound dog, or that exploiting a living creature is completely against my entire.......

 ARG! 

Oh, and I'm wasting my money showing spayed dogs, and especially with the medical expenses. I don't tell them what I spend, but if they ask, they do hear that we're on the way to the dr's, or that Emma eats prescription food and takes seizure meds. There are a LOT of things I could spend my money on, and the dogs are pretty constructive, if you ask me. 

spiritdogs

 I just shrug this kind of stuff off.  Other people may disapprove of things that I do, but invariably, when you put them under the microscope you find a few bugs in their modus operandi, too.  Remember, she can only make you feel like  you're still 16 if you let her!

 

I know that in the back of my mind, but it just bugs me.  My husband is good at letting that stuff roll off his back...I think I was just a tad PMS-y today too!  Anyway, in my opinion bringing a snuggly warm being into our lives, brings us more love and more closeness and I can't see how that's a bad thing!  My parents think it's okay to have an inside dog, but boy...my MIL makes sure we know she thinks a dog belongs outside and comments about the fur, etc...Thankfully, we only have visits from them once a year.

lisa4kids1pup

...anyone else have weird families?

Umm, anyone have a normal family, lol?

I can't wait to hear what my family is going to say about the 2 cockers we just took in from my cousin! They'll probably flip. Seriously, I just plain don't care anymore. They'll be in control (something my Mom LOVES being) of my life.

Seriously, my dog (soon to be dogs) is a lifestyle. And some people can't understand that type of lifestyle.

I think no one understands me, truthfully.  I mean, we had people all up in arms when we got preggo with baby #4, and then they were all SO relieved when we decided to have dh get the big "v" so we couldn't have more.  That really ticked me off because honestly, they would have had to love another child if we had one.  Anyway, so I've got four kids, and a house full of critters.  I think that's great!  I have 2 step sisters and 2 sister in laws, who either just have 1 cat, or no pets at all. To me, a house is just not a home without a dog.  It doesn't feel right.  I'll never not have one.  Maybe when I'm older, I'll end up with a smaller shih-tzu type or something, and then if I'm senile I obviously won't be able to care for one, but as long as I'm in my right mind (which is questionable now at times, LOL) and can care for a dog, I'll have at least 1.  Anyway....all of these other women in my life are very self absorbed and into their ladies nights and traveling, and the one wouldn't want the "mess" in her home, so they don't bother.  I'm much more of a home-body type of person.  I enjoy traveling to the beach every year...but if we play our cards right, we can rent a house and take the dogs along.  Other than that, I figure if we're putting all our money into our home and we've got a nice yard and tons of things to do here, why not enjoy it?  So, instead of running around and spending my money doing other stuff, I spend it on my kids, and my pets.  Poo on everyone else.

Funny thing is, we REALLY want to buy land and build our dream house which we bought plans for 2 years ago.  If we get to do that before we're 50, I wanted to get goats and alpaca and have at least one or two LGD's.  I love, love, love the great pyrenees breed...as does my husband.  I'm quite sure our family will want to have us committed if we were to do that.

Also, we never say anything to our family members when they do things like buy expensive luxury cars, or refinance to get an inground pool. That's their business.  Why can't everyone understand what we do is OURS?  Grrrr.

lisa4kids1pup

I know that in the back of my mind, but it just bugs me. 

I know exactly how you feel -- and I'm in my 50's and you'd think I still didn't know enough to come in out of the rain! 

But you know what?  IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!

David truly taught me that -- You grow up, you move out and that should be IT.  As long as you're not asking them to bail you out it is NONE of their business. 

Mine would like to micromanage my life too --  but I just plain don't tell them much any more.   My parents have literally told me to "put that one to sleep and get a HEALTHY one".  And I think they finally got the message when we flew to TEXAS to pick up Tinkerbell ***BECAUSE*** she was sick.  By the time we flew 2000 miles, rented a car (back when gas was $4 a gallon) drove back (took us 3 days staying in motels 3 nights) ... and oh yeah -- a $250 adoption fee *grin* AND when we got back I had two vets examine her, got her spayed, etc. and then paid to spring the other 3 from their respective dog sitters/kennels just to get us all back under the same roof.  Money we spent rather than a vacation because it was OUR way to spend together time and "do" something, and frankly it also invested in a future for us to have more to do **together**.  You know ... that thing called "quality time"??

"Er Mom - you need to BEGIN to understand -- David and I do this BECAUSE they are sick ... because we **enjoy** what we learn and then being able to help people.  IT IS WHAT *****WE***** ENJOY!!!"  I actually had to have a huge in-depth talk with my Dad reminding him that I've never been able to have kids and this is HOW David and I **CHOOSE** to live our lives. 

My mother would SO freak if she saw my house -- because I don't give a flying fig about drapes, nice furniture or any of that.  It is absolutely MEANINGLESS to me.  She would so disapprove because I'm not the neat freak she is (and there is a REASON we live 1800 miles from them!!) But for us to spend the money on vets that we do (and often DAvid takes off early from work (remember he usually works 14 hour days) JUST so we can go to the vets TOGETHER??  Our choice.

Not theirs.

So yeah, I hate it too when family members get all judgmental ... but do I cave?  No.  Do I feel bad?  No.  And the instant I finally learned that and cut loose all the family angst in trying to make them understand or fighting comparisons?  Nope sometimes I just plain remind them those are our choices.

It tends to leave them speechless -- but it's pretty satisfying when you do!!

Callie, maybe by the time I get into my 50's, I will be better at shrugging it off.  It's easier for me with my mom...for some reason, my dad turns me into a sniveling, wimpy teenager all over again.  I used to be scared to ask him anything back when I was younger.  I remember when I was 22, I took a cruise with my boyfriend and man did I catch a load of crap about that one.  And his wife at the time (a different one than now, and she was really horrible) went around telling everyone she could, that I was a *** and was going to get aids.  That was so devastating to me because I was none of those things and I was in a monogamous relationship for a year and a half at that point. (she was actually having an affair and left my dad 6 months later...interesting).

Anyway, I still feel slightly annoyed today, but I'm mostly over it.  I'm sorry you were never able to have kids...I have a friend who had to have a hysterectomy at 25 and she has filled her life with lots of pets too.  In fact, she could probably get out of hand and be considered a crazy cat lady if she doesn't be careful, haha!!!!

Yep, one of the advatages of getting older is learning what matters when it comes to other peoples opinions of your lifestyle.  I used to spend way too much time trying to please others.  Now I try and please the ones who matter to me and my DH and any others can think what they want.  :)

lisa4kids1pup

That was so devastating to me because I was none of those things and I was in a monogamous relationship for a year and a half at that point. (she was actually having an affair and left my dad 6 months later...interesting).

RIGHT THERE you nailed it in essence -- and honestly you can pretty well chuck most of this under the same heading. 

We have developed into this nation of "attitude is everything"-- and "the best defense is a good offense" -- when the old timey saying was "people who throw rocks shouldn't live in glass houses".  Meaning -- when people feel insecure ... either because they have made bad decisions in the past, haven't gotten their lives in line as much as possible or are even just plain a bit jealous of your youth or your possibilities in life THOSE people disapprove.

People sometimes who have gone thru rough times decide that because *they* survived then their choices are the only right ones.  So -- because they are insecure -- they try to shove their entire family into the same small mold. 

SOME families get this idea that it's just built in ... that you HAVE to disapprove of anything good, positive, fun, or "different" because ... well, I think they think it's been hard enough for THEM, and if you make choices that scare *them* then you're automatically wrong. Judgment tends to be a familial disease to a huge degree.  It can be a personality thing that is inherent in a family -- and sometimes it takes us to "maturity" before we get it figured out that parents disapprove of us BECAUSE they think it's part of the job description (particularly when they haven't been all that successful themselves -- like your Father in keeping a wife contented/staying??)

The fact that you guys decided to add a dog -- probably for myriad reasons, many of which have to do with your own family's harmony and what you and your husband **as a couple** want to use to teach your kids and hold your family together???  Guess what?  That's YOUR business.  Sometimes it really does help to examine those "Parental Units" (can I use that old Saturday Nite Live skit to illustrate?) -- sometimes by stepping back and looking AT our parents, we can see that how they treat us may be what they think is expected (if they have to "guide" you that also may make them feel NEEDED and if your decisions are better, or at least as good as theirs, that makes them feel UN-needed and like they don't have anything to contribute).

You'll let it "roll off" when you're older only if you practice NOW.  For by arming yourself to see *next time* that their disapproval may just plain be not unlike those empty recorded warnings we get in airports and stuff.  They have them at Universal near the automated walkways where the sidewalk "moves" but where you get on and off there are these repeated warnings ad nauseum "WATCH YOUR STEP" -- first off, they're more apt to startle you into a mis-step than warn you, and they simply blare to no one in particular (because they think legally they have to WARN you of **SOMETHING** (like you've been on it 25 feet and you've forgotten where you are??).

Somepeople MAY go to sleep at the switch and forget to step off 'carefully' -- but most of the world is so busy watching their step that being yelled at for something they already know doesn't help a bit and it just adds to the general cacophony of life.

IF your family really cared?  They might either listen to what actually went into your decision, or be proud of what you're doing.  Many times tho it's just a way of stinging you with the fact that they're a bit jealous of your unity as a family and it's easier to poke at you than deal with their own shtick!

My family dominated me like that for many years -- no more.  Life's too short to spend weekends with a hot rot in your gut over some stupid thing someone dumped on you just because they're "family".

Callie, you're right...and I know my family cares, but they care on their terms, not mine.  For example, my dad and his current wife can NOT allow themselves to understand who I really am.  I feel constantly compared to my step sisters, even though in my mind, I'm doing a knock-down job raising my kids, keeping my house running smoothly, etc....  I always say that if they really knew me, they wouldn't bother me over and over about coming to their little tiny cabin in the woods of wisconsin.  It's a 3 day drive at best (with four kids, no thanks) and then you get there and it's a one room dealie (where would we all sleep?) AND there's no electricity or running water.  Not that I'm a snob or anything, but if I'm going to have a vacation, I don't want to spend 6 days of it in the car only to spend the other several days with no modern conveniences!  If they'd take the time to KNOW me, they'd know that I'm a beach person. They'd know I don't like to travel more than a couple of hours in the car because of my back and because the kids don't travel particularly well.  They'd know that I NEED to have electricity for certain things. I could go without it if I had to, but to put myself into that situation purposely doesn't sound fun. 

Anyway...I do love my parents, but I wish they'd someday get a clue!  I'm hoping to be like my husband whose parents are worse than mine, and get really good at ignoring it all. He used to get really, really upset...now he doesn't.  He's 46 and this just happened over the last year, so maybe there's hope for me, haha.