Mindless chatter, weekend edition

 Last night we had my cousin, his four kids and a friend over for pizza and games.  Just a really nice way to spend an evening.  I'm constantly reminded of how good these kids are, ages 6 - 13.  They enjoyed eating with us, cleared their plates, played with the dogs, the XBox and all the dog toys in the basement and cleaned everything up before they left.  They even left a note on the XBox thanking us for a fun night.

DH is very psyched about the game this afternoon.  He's from the Philly area but his whole family are diehard Giants fans.  I'll be getting the dogs and him ready for the game (meaty bones, chili, beer etc) and making myself scarce, perhaps at a movie theatre.

Glenda, I'm so sorry about your friends.  It is such a difficult situation that, as you know, requires such a high level of self-realization to change anything.  My prayers will be with them.

Here's Morrison, he'll be ready after his pre-game snooze

I was battered in my first life so I know what this gal is dealing with emotionally.  No matter what he does though, she CHOSE him to spend her life with, so some part of her is saying, man, I really screwed up,  while another part is half believing that it IS somehow her fault.  I can help with that, by constantly reassuring her that it is in NO way her fault that he drinks, and it is in NO way OK for him to put his hands on her regardless of what he does.

The part of me that recognizes his addiction feels badly for him.  But the part of me that was abused wants to chop off certain dangling parts and make him watch me fry them up in a pain.  I won't get anymore graphic than that since I don't want red ink.......

I do hope that knowing me, and knowing what I went through in my first life WILL help C.  I shared more with her than I normally share with anyone, but mostly because I want her to really get that I DO understand, I can help and she can come out on the upside of this.  She's so afraid right now and understandably so.  And hopefully I can help her to be strong enough to see that if M violates the restraining order that gets put in place, and she makes that 911 call she will be HELPING and not hurting him.  As well as herself and the kids.  It is NOT helping M one bit to allow him to continue on this downward spiral, and I hope that by sharing MY experiences with her I can help her to help herself, her kids, and maybe even M.  Or at the very least to know she CAN have a good life with a good man.

Thanks for your support and prayers guys.  I may be calling on you for much more in the next few weeks.

VanMorrison

I just called DH over to look at Morrison.  He said "OMG, our guys need jerseys!"  Now he's on his computer searching for them. 

Yea Morrison!!!!!!!!!  Yea Amanda's DH!!!!!!!!!!!  BTW let me know if he finds a BIG jersey.  I looked all over the net for one for B after seeing Morrison in his at Halloween with no luck!

BEVOLASVEGAS

VanMorrison

I just called DH over to look at Morrison.  He said "OMG, our guys need jerseys!"  Now he's on his computer searching for them. 

Glenda I have worked with many victims of DV and also in addictions and this young woman and her family have all my sympathies and lots of prayers

OK, folks, lets ramp up the prayers if you will.  C called me from work in a panic because M is out of jail, somehow, and sending her text messages.  The gal who is watching the kids today had turned her freaking cell phone off, and C was absolutely freaking that he'd gotten to her and the kids.  So, I went running over there, warned the gal, made her lock everything up, took HIS truck keys.  Oh my gosh  she just called, HE IS THERE.  Why she called me and not the police???  I've called them, they have her on the line finally, and hopefully will get someone out there FAST.  Prayers PLEASE.

Glenda - if you could convince her to go to an Alanon meeting she'd get a lot of information and support there too. It might help to offer to attend a meeting with her.

Wow.  I hope everything turns out OK for C, Glenda.  I can't imagine the fear she must be living with and I'm sure in his own warped way, M is blaming her for all of his problems. On a slightly brighter note, it's absolutely gorgeous here.  I know we need more rain (I had DS turn the sprinklers on) but it's not windy, and the sun felt so darn good when I took Max out about 10:30 this a.m. I didn't even wear my gloves.

Joyce

fuzzy_dogs_mom

On a slightly brighter note, it's absolutely gorgeous here.  I know we need more rain (I had DS turn the sprinklers on) but it's not windy, and the sun felt so darn good when I took Max out about 10:30 this a.m. I didn't even wear my gloves.

Yes! it has been a gorgeous day and I don't want to go back to work. I actually feel like I have spring fever. I know this won't last though, but it sure has been a great weekend.

I just made a wonderful batch of lasagna that's now baking in the oven. I also made garlic roasted brocolli to go with it. Too bad DH is working and I'll have to eat it by myself, but he'll enjoy tomorrow when he gets off.

 bleck for the Giants - I mean it's OK if you get beat but they lost!  Ah well not like as a Giants fan you can ask for more

DH decided that he didn't want B hanging out under the dining room table when we have company so we practiced tonight even though it was just us. He figured out what we wanted QUICKLY!  He's a good boy when rib roast is the reward LOL

Yes, when he is drunk or in a bad mood, everything that is wrong in his life is HER fault.

C had tried going to Alanon (sp) and he found out and got really, really mad at her about it.

I ended up going and getting the kids and my friend whose house we live at.  M and C's sister were really mean to her when she wouldn't let them in, and she was a basket case.  I did not want the little girl to see any more, and I didn't want H over there alone (she's, lets just say a couple sandwiches short of a picnic and does not deal well in crisis situations.  And, I had already made a commitment to my mom, and sis is still out of town, so I didn't want to stand her up.

So, got the kids out of there, called C and let her know where they would be, and then did my thing.  C and the kids were still here when I got home, and OMG!  The bruises on that girls arms are incredible.  Parts of her lower arms are bruised ALLL the way around. the left arm looks like a tree trunk it's so swollen.  She needs to have them looked at, and I told her that tomorrow after work she is to go see a doc BEFORE she comes to get the kids.  I'm going to have her bring the kids over here tomorrow just so the little girl doesn't see anymore unpleasantness.  If M shows up when I am there, it won't be pretty, so the kids will come here.

I am not afraid of M....tough old broad that I am....and I'll be happy to talk with him, but NOT around the children.  H told the sister that I had told her to call the police and NOT that C had, because, that was the truth, and if he wants to be mad at me, that's ok.  But, he won't give me any grief because he knows that C listens to me, and I'm sure that he'll want me to try to convince her to give him another chance.  That won't happen, but I will tell him what I think he needs to do.  Like, get clean and sober, take anger management classes, and see a danged good shrink!

I told C tonight that she needs to follow through on this regardless of what anyone says or does.  That she needs to employ tough love with him for BOTH their sakes, and that they have no chance of a future, if that's what she wants, so long as she continues to allow him to act like a dweeb.  And he will end up killing himself when he's driving drunk.

And I assured her again, and again, that none of this is HER fault.  Apparently the sister called her at work and just tore her apart.  This is HER sister....so much for family loyalty.

I sure hope that I did all the right things.  I've been a counselor at womens shelters, but this is a whole lot more personal.  I'd about kill for those kids, especially the baby, and I genuinly LIKE M....when he's sober.

I need to hit the grocery store tomorrow -- thanks to Gina I want to look for TastyKake. Great.

glenmar

C had tried going to Alanon (sp) and he found out and got really, really mad at her about it.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. She really needs to hook up with a victims assistance group and get out of there ASAP. This guy is out control and the possibility that it escalates now is huge. He's angry and certainly blames it all on her. I will keep her and her children in my thoughts and prayers. I know it must be hard for her to see light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there and she needs to go towards it. You did all the right things Glenda. That doesn't mean you prevented anything bad from happening in the future, but you did the right thing. It's okay to love the sinner but hate the sin. He's got serious problems and needs help before he hurts someone. Sadly, I doubt he's ready to hear that yet and so the best thing for the wife and children is to steer clear from him and hide from him if necessary.

sl2crmeg

Ugh, I feel like I blinked and the weekend was over!

You and me both, Meg.  And, I'm due in 2 hours early in the morning!

This morning, DH strolled through & casually mentioned that some of the guys were coming over to watch the football games.  The house needed to be vaccuumed.  Breakfast dishes needed to be washed, & we had ex-pens set up in the living room & den that needed to be relocated.  It was a mad dash to get everything done before people started showing up. 

I have had an issue with my dogs & a neighbor during our walk last night, & again tonight.  I'm not sure how to handle it.  I need to post about it.  Maybe others will have suggestions.

The night was quiet and M didn't try to go to the house, thankfully.  I still have a headache and am feeling majorly stressed.

I guess C did go to the sisters house and talked face to face with M who asked her "what are we going to do to mke this better?"  I told her that she needs to let him know that WE can't fix it....only HE can fix things so that she is willing to consider giving him another chance and what her conditions are.

Of course she enables to a certain degree.  For example, it's ok for him to drink beer because he doesn't get mean with that.  She only objects to the hard stuff because thats when he gets mean and hurts her.  I think she finally understands that an addict can't have ANY of the thing he's addicted to, ever.  For any reason.  Not even the communion wine at Church.  I think that she finally accepts that NO alcohol is acceptable for this man because he just can't stop at a little.  She had an eating disorder in high school and I compared the two conidtions, and have been doing so for months, and she finally GETS that addiction is addiction and even a little sets you on the road to hell again.  Now HE needs to get that.

These people still have a chance, but HE has got to change, really work to change, and she has to stay strong and demand that he respect her as an equal.  Not accept being called worthless and all the rest of the mind games abusers like to play.

I told her this morning that if things can work out, I'll be the first to stand up and cheer, but if not, I'll help her put the pieces back together.

I'm worried that the little girl who SAW daddy and Auntie at the door, HEARD Auntie being verbally abusive to the sitter, etc, has not said word one about any of it.  Sooner or later this stuff is going to come out, and I did strongly suggest some therapy for the little girl.

So today, well, we'll do the library and maybe walk dogs together and just do FUN stuff that she'll enjoy so she can be a normal kid for awhile.  I really enjoy the baby the most...he's always so danged happy....but will let DH have him a bit more and I'll give the little girl a special day.