School/biological parent issues....(MissT)

Just curious what this online school requires/offers -- because you seem to be on here 24/7....

I think your dad wants you in school -- for good reason -- and I'm on his side.

I am on here a lot. My online school has 3 different classes, and in each class there are different modules, each moledule has a due date. I don't have to be on it daily, or even weekly, as long as I "turn in" all the work.

It's fine if he wants me in school - I understand that, but he sure as heck isn't trying to help or be in my life any other way.

 I think Karissa has a valid point, there is a lot more to school then just the curriculum. And possibly that is what your father is thinking about??

I think you are cutting yourself short.  I would imagine both of your parents love you and want the best for you,  3 Classes with out a structured lesson plan and zero interaction or challenge to show motivation and growth?  Never a good thing.

Bonita of Bwana

It's not that its a 'pick an answer and submit' type deal thou. I have to make power point, do essays, group projects, for all three classes, and one class I had to go buy voice recognition software.

I'm sorry to sound snarky, and maybe this is just because I hate the man, what in the heck is his point? If he wants me to suddenly forgive him that is not going to happen by taking my mom to court.

 maybe there is stuff going on that you just dont/cant understand because you are still a kid.

It's not about what your parents want, think or do. At the end of the day YOU need to get that education. If you screwed up and got suspended you need to do what ever it takes to get back in school. Beg if you have to! If you have no other choice than the alternative school - just go. It may be full of kids with problems but it is also probably set up with resources to address all sorts of adolescent problems like dealing with divorced parents. My son was a chronic truant and was suspended numerous times from school. He would have been happy to sit around at home. I put him in an alternative school where the admin and staff had the knowledge and skills to help him. Don't judge the school without giving it a try.
 

Seriously???   Do you actually want to see a different side or are you just hoping everyone will agree that things aren't what?? Fair?  If you want to chat about this we can but it may not be what you want to hear.

Bonita of Bwana

Meg, I too would be as hurt as you are if my Dad never bothered to spend time with me.  My parents divorced when I was 8, but my Dad had us every weekend and we all grew up to be very close to him.  He didn't always have the child support on time and our Mom got pretty upset over that but the bottom line for us, as children, was that it was obvious he loved us. When I was older and understood the whole dynamics better between my Mom and Dad I realized that they both were being unfair to the other as far as the way they portrayed the situation to us as kids. Adults can get so bitter after a divorce that they just don't seem to care how badly it is affecting the kids. I think you feel so strongly about your Dad because he hasn't made the effort (at least not successfully)  to make you feel that you are important to him.  I am curious why he has been trying to get custody for all these years.  Is it to avoid child support or is it for some other reason? 

I would like to say that hate is such a crippling emotion and it serves no real purpose.  I think you might have turned your hurting into hating.  I understand but hope you can try and see it for the damaging emotion that it is.  Your Mom is an adult and she also has a husband for support, maybe you should let her deal with some of this stuff and try to keep your feelings from being so mangled.  Hugs. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk anytime, well not anytime, since I go to bed pretty early. LOL

 First thing you need to do: take a deeeeeeeep breath, hold it, and let it out slowly. I'm absolutely serious. It's a great way to "center" and relax, and it sounds like you could use a lot of that right now.

If you can get yourself back into a "brick and mortar" school, most of them have school counselors/psychologists you can talk to. They're experts on this type of situation and can help give you some strategies to handle the stress better, and if nothing else they're just an understanding ear for you to vent your troubles to.

The bottom line is that parents aren't perfect - they're human beings, just like anyone else. Your parents aren't all that different from you, your friends, or your classmates at school. I think often it's this feeling that our parents "should be better" that makes us so angry at them when they screw up, but really, it's not at all helpful. Parents are flawed creatures just like the rest of us, and the sooner we accept that, the easier it is to start to forgive their mistakes.

It is what it is. Best thing you can do is accept it and take care of you. You can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself - change your own reactions to the challenges you face.

 I know you have a lot of anger, and I'm sure a large part of that is due to feeling helpless in this situation. I'm guessing that's the part that makes you the most frustrated. Here you are, caught in the middle, and you can't do a darned thing about it. That's where this "otherwise I would be in jail" and "I almost went over the desk" stuff is coming from, I'm guessing. I know that feeling very very very well, and I know how it makes you just want to explode out of frustration.

Unfortunately, all you can really do in this situation is express/vent your anger somewhere in a non-harmful way (a school psychologist would be great for this) and do your best to stay calm and centered in the middle of all the stress and commotion. I'm sure your mother is just as upset by this as you are, if not more so - the best thing you can do to help her is to take care of yourself, and make sure that you're keeping your head through all of this. Getting mad, making poor decisions, and getting into trouble are only going to make the situation worse.

Best wishes.

 I have been in your position. Excatly your position. If you want to talk, PM me. 

I agree with Cita, once you get back to school, talk to a counsellor/pyschologist. They can help. 

Like I said, if you want to talk, just send me a note.

I agree with what denise said, your education is for YOU not your parents. I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are doing yourself a disservice by doing the online school. There is a reason why 16 year olds are not allowed to make these kind of decisions, because they don't have the maturity to make good ones. Do you have any goals? What do you want to do with your life? Do you have any hobbies that could become a career? What are you doing to achieve your goals? Your online school only has 3 classes? When I was a senior in highschool I was taking 6 classes plus several college courses after school. You by no means need to be crazy like me, but 3 classes is below the bar. My education is the one thing no one can ever take away from me. I am always safe from anything life throws at me because of it. I will never be without a job or forced to rely on anyone, and it's very comforting. Set yourself up to succeed, it sounds like you are setting yourself up to fail and struggle. Again sorry to be harsh, but this is your life here.

To answer most questions - YES, I do want to hear other people veiws on this, thats why I posted here instead of PMing one or two people who  might agree with me, I wanted to sort of discuss it, and try and make sence of this. YES, I do completely understand that life isn't fair, at 16 I've been thru more stuff then most other kids my age, I learned from it, I try not to whine, but sometimes I just need to let it out. YES, I have goals, I have dreams, but unlike most teens, I realize those far-fetched dreams probably wont come true.

My career, Vet Tech....thats not exackly what I want, but it will get me started. 3 classes is the maximum number of online courses avalible for a vitual student per simester. I AM going back to "real" school at hte end of this month, once it starts back. I thought I could do online schooling, I am barely holding my own. I realized I need a teacher.

And, please, do not blame my mom. She only wanted what was best for me. We both thought online school was something I could handle, I'm a pretty good student in regular school, so we thought I'd be Ok for one simester in this. I'm only in online school for one simester, and will be returning to normal school.

I really dont think its fair to say that just because I am 16 means I am irresponsible. I an extremely responsible for a person my age, maybe no tin comparison to say, a peron who is 35. Half of my graduating class has speeding tickets, multipule susspensions, or pregnant. I, only have one suspension, and have no intention of getting into anymore trouble. I messed up once, and I learned my lesson. We were not well informed about online school, and everyone we talked to(including th eman that enrolled me) told us it was easier then regular classes. Myself, my Mom, and my "Dad" made this decision.

I understand that the whole situation is 'adult' and how some may think my 'hurt has turned to hate' and in some perspecitives, it has. But when a 47 year old man calles his ex wife/my mother a b****, sl**, and a lier in front of his 8 year old(me, at the time), and contines with that for YEARS, I have a lot of issue with that....and then to go call his KID a b*****, manipulator, and lier when she is 14(ie - me) and just wanting to figure life out, I have even more issues with that. Sorry, I really didnt want to put all THAT out there, but, maybe it help explain this whole thing a little better. The man hurt my mom a LOT, which, in turn, hurt us growning up. He hurt me a LOT, my brother a LOT(ie - he got beat for droping the shampoo, and it making a loud bang), heck, I spent 4 DAYS with HIS mom, sister, and brother, and dad. I e-mailed him to tell him. His sister called him 3 times to let him know, and he finally called her back and YELLED at her for it! The man is basicly a jerk to anyone who doesn't see everything HIS way. Which, I get, I can be that way a lot too, but not to the extent of him. I took up boxing because of this man....normally, I try to be peachful, but he changed that over the years(specially the past 2 or 3), I dont trust people I meet day-to-day, or many people that have been in my life for a long time, I walk around watching my back for people he may know so I can behave extra well so he wont have any amo for count.

Thanks for all the support guys

I think that you need to focus on you.  Easier said than done, but what does on between your parents should not really involve you.  You're a kid, you shouldn't have to be fighting for or against this or that, they should deal with that on their own and give you the time and space you need to focus on school, friends, hobbies, maybe a part time job....just the normal stuff teens do.  Just focus on YOUR goals and hang in there for another year and a half...it sounds like you are having to deal with stuff that should never have been put on yout.

 I replyed to you But I just want to agree with Lies. Try to take a step and breath and focus on YOU!  Try to find work and start saving so once you're old enough you can support you and Sam and get out of the house.