One of the things my boss does is wills, living wills and durable powers of attorney for folks thru a little legal plan. It's not a major part of our business and he's *not* at tax or estate planning attorney, and I'm *not* an attorney either but that being said I can tell you part of what I respond when folks ask me that when I'm helping doing the fact-finding.
First off -- documents that you do *now* PLEASE don't expect those to be "forever" documents. Life changes, people change, your situation changes and you'll need to amend or re-do those documents.
EVERY state's laws are different. But generally a will will have a provision in it for a guardian if the person has children under 18. Then, at least the forms WE use has a small provision for a pourover 'trust' (not a living trust -- just a very plain, simple trust to administrate money to underage kids).
MOSTLY the basic premise of a couples wills is Wife leaves everything to her husband and Husband leaves everything to his wife. However, there is always also the assumption that IF they are both taken in some kind of common accident then if they pre-decease each other it goes to the kids.
Usually you have to pick someone to do a couple of "Jobs" that are referred to in the Wills. A Personal Representative (Executor/Executrix in other states) sorta takes care of the paperwork. A Trustee deals with the money. The Guardian(s) take care of the kids.
Guardians typically will change as time passes and the amount of money/property the kids may inherit changes. The Guardian may *not* be the person who watchdogs the money. That would be according to your particular situation.
The most appropriate person to be the guardian now may not be the appropriate person 5 or 10 years from now. Again - that's a reason to re-visit this periodically.
If something happened today you may simply have to choose whoever would be the best *today*. If you are still young, that might be your parents or his parents.
You may want to designate a second guardian -- in case something happens that makes the first guardian either incapable of doing the job or if something actually happens to them.
But generally -- you judge the best you can now, and then LATER re-visit it and change your documents.
DO NOT make the mistake of trying to cover every possible eventuality that might happen. "If my husband's parents can't do it then my brother, but only if he's got his act together".... you can't do stuff like that.
There is a certain amount of trust that has to be associated with this, but to a degree you can set things up between the Trustee, Personal Rep AND Guardian so the Guardian isn't solely responsible (particularly if you have doubts about their suitability).
I'll also tell you what I tell folks when I'm fact-finding. Guardians are usually appointed either as an individual OR as a couple. But in these days of blended families and divorce generally, think carefully before making a couple "jointly or individually" guardians. Maybe someone's sister and her husband might be great together, but what if something happens? Or if you leave someone's mother & father as guardians but what if one of them passes?
My point is you have some safety in the "substitute guardians" -- so if this one can't do it, then so and so can.
People can surprise you. So be prepared to change your documents if need be.
True story -- we did wills for a couple 2-3 years ago and at the time they left his brother & his wife as "first guardians" (jointly) and then made her sister (individually -- no mention of the sister's husband at all) "2d guardian".
About December 27 I got a phone call from a panicked client. Over the Holidays the brother & his wife had come to visit and stayed with them for a few days. Now she'd met the wife previously but hadn't spent scads of time with them.
Whooo boy. Apparently brother's wife was NOT good with the kids. For a short visit where she was 'busy' and the kids were outside it was great. But seeing her with them day in and day out? She was apparently a major disaster with kids PERIOD.
The first words out of this Client's mouth was "WE HAVE TO CHANGE THIS".
It was kinda funny -- because when they did their docs 2 years ago it was really quire a kerfuffle -- they changed their minds several times and it was kind of his family vs. her family and don't leave MY family out of it ... etc.
But a little more experience and it was apparently all painfully clear.
It's one of those things you have to do some talking about and then talk to THOSE FOLKS too. If your brother-in-law suddenly became substitute Dad to your kids? Some men would rise to the challenge, others wouldn't want any part of it.
Talk about it -- it's touchy with some folks. There are some couples that can't even figure out HOW to talk about it, which is pretty silly.
It doesn't have to be family -- truly doesn't. I'm an only child after the death of my maternal Grandfather (who would have been an awesome guardian) when I was a teen my parents made a new set of wills and because I was 14 my folks allowed me to be part of the decision.
"If something happened to both of us would you rather go live with Dorothy and Roy or with Dottie and Keith? (one set had been our next door neighbors and the other set was my Dad's best friend/cousin and his wife).
I think my parents were a bit taken aback by how FAST I said "Dorothy and Roy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".
Nothing happened to my folks and when I was 21 and "of age" in that state, we took them to dinner, but I still have a special place in my heart for those people.
I can promise you tho -- you can't make the decision alone. Your husband has certain 'rights' as long as you're married and he's alive so you probably can't just go make documents that elminate him if he's alive when you pass away.