Xeph needs help... (UPDATE!)

 Personally, I don't think you should be doing anything that makes you so uncomfortable that you are in tears.  Part of being in a relationship with someone is wanting to be with them for who they are, not some image of perfection that they have in their head.  I'm sure that if he was not attracted to you for who you were and how you look already, then he would not be your boyfriend.

I understand that people have preferences, and that you naturally want to make him happy, and all that's OK--but if you force yourself into doing something that makes you uncomfortable, then it is only going to come back to bite you (and the relationship) later on.  

If I were you and I were determined to make him happy, I would do this--first of all-relax--then explain to him that the situation makes you uncomfortable, but you are willing to take a shot at dressing the way he wants you to.  HOWEVER, what you need in return is his patience and understanding and the realization that you need to take baby steps.  If he wants you to wear lower cut tops, try something just a tiny bit more reveling than you would normally wear and see where it goes from there.  If you are extremely uncomfortable, then back up a step. 

There will be some who disagree with me and who will tell you that you should in no way change anything about yourself for a guy, but I don't see the harm in occasionally stepping out of your comfort zone and seeing where it takes you--just so long as you are true to yourself and don't try to force yourself into being somebody that you are not. 

I don't want anybody to think he's trying to push me into doing it...he's not.  He's very kind, and inexplicably patient, and tolerant, and incredibly reassuring.  This is very much a case of "it's not you, it's me".

He finds my every day dress perfectly acceptable....perhaps he'd like me to wear lower cut things (I don't even own any) but he doesn't say anything.  It's just bedroom stuff...think Pussycat Doll.  Personally I don't know how they can stand to wear things like that and move the way they do, but men seem to find that sort of dress attractive.

I feel exposed and ugly....I'm not the skinny piece of nothing that the models are...never will be.  And while the logical side of me realizes they're airbrushed and madeover in remarkable ways, that doesn't make me feel better.

Jon's been telling me for five years that I'm beautiful and sexy, and I don't doubt that he sees me that way.  I believe him without question...it's just that I don't feel the same way about myself.  For 17 years I've dressed to hide my body in an attempt to avoid people looking at me...now he wants the exact opposite, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give it to him.
 

Can you break this issue down into more manageable pieces? 

I've been in a similar situation before myself (with my now DH lol) and I just broke things down and took little baby steps: first just trying one small thing I was just a little weird about and building on that.  Shaping my behavior as it were.  My naivety and weird little hangups have become somewhat of an inside joke with DH and I and we both know that new things can send me into fits of nervous giggling and "weirdness" so we take things easy. 

Don't flood yourself with things you're not comfortable, but gradually desensitize yourself to them if you want.  (And yes I did find it helpful to look at the issues from a "dog training" perspective lol; it helped me be more objective I think)
 

Xeph

 I just don't think I can live up to the image that he's got in his head, and it's stressing me out. 
 

 

The thing about men is that, with rare exception, they're so much less concerned about perfection. I'd be willing to bet that the image he has is YOU. In more suggestive clothing, but YOU. 

I don't think you should *have* to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but if you want to try and build your confidence with him, I think stardogs is right. Baby steps. You could even start with things that are not typically bedroom attire - like a low cut blouse that you wouldn't dare wear outside the house. Maybe wear some pretty underwear underneath your every day clothes. (I've found that dressing myself up, underneath whatever I'm wearing, helps me feel more confident.) Or get a pair of ridiculously trashy stripper shoes! Don't worry, you don't actually need to walk in them. The possibilities are endless.

With time and patience, you can be sexy Xeph. No pussycat doll needed. 

Jackie, great advice from everyone, so I don't have a whole lot to add. I just wanted to say I totally understand where you're coming from. Many women, myself included, feel self-conscious in lingerie that's designed for skinny perfect bodies, and it's hard to feel sexy and desirable, no matter how much your partner says you are, when you can't stop thinking about how awful you must look (AND HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY NOT NOTICE?!?!?!) because what you're wearing accentuates all the flaws you try so hard to cover up. Men have a hard time understanding - how they look during sex is the furthest thing from their minds. 

As others have said, try to compromise with something that accentuates parts of your body that you're okay with, and still covers the parts that you're most self conscious about. If you are well endowed, but you hate your butt or thighs, go for something that shows a little cleavage, but is long enough to skim over your hips and covers your thighs. Maybe the two of you could shop together and find some things you both like. A little compromise is a good thing - you shouldn't have to dress like a whore in the bedroom, and he shouldn't ask you to, but it would be a nice gesture to try and find some lingerie that you can live with, even if it's just some not very revealing lacy bras and panties in pretty colors that you can wear under your regular clothes.

My hubby has often brought me home lingerie that looks perfectly hideous on me. I'll wear it once to make him happy and then it goes to the bottom of the drawer, never to be seen again. Or it will be completely the wrong size. Lingerie seems to be sized differently than regular clothing - just 'cause it says it's a medium and I'm a medium sized woman that doesn't mean I can cram myself into that little bitty thing! And after all these years he's finally stopped with the thongs and switched to lacy boy shorts instead. Not only can I not stand the feel of something..... well, never mind, I do not now, and have never had, a thong butt! Sorry, ain't going to happen.
 

Xeph

  HE'S absolutely fine...I am not,

Maybe I'm reading this wrong or misinterpreting it ... but Jackie, you need to realize that you are absolutely fine also, just the way you are. It's possible that you'll never be comfortable wearing certain types of clothing and I'll bet that most of us on the forum have things we wouldn't be comfortable in. Maybe he'd be happy with something long, a little sheer and in a drop dead gorgeous color.

Joyce

Man, y'all are like the girlfriends I never had :-)

He tells me often that he'd be perfectly fine with just some nice panty and bra sets...and I can do that...perfectly comfortable with that.  I even swallow my utter disdain for thongs just for him.

I just hate it that I can't offer him more than that because I'm too insecure with the way I look.

I was talking to my friend, Niko, last night, and she was showing me all of this horrifically (to me) provocative (and in some cases, down right slutty) clothing, and I was absolutely mortified.  I couldn't see myself in ANY of it, though I knew good and well Jon would love me in ALL of it.  I rather wanted to crawl inside myself and die....I cried instead.  My breaking point was partially rooted in jealousy, as Niko was telling me how cute all of it was, and how she'd wear it without a thought...things like that made her feel sexy.

Things like that make me feel like a cow.

I'm sure she's got some physical or personality flaw that she wishes she could exchange with me, just like I wish I had her confidence.

*sighs* Baby steps indeed, heh.
 

This may be too much right now, but I bet this would look lovely on you:

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/baby-dolls/%22BFF%22-Baby-Doll--Robe-Set/DG3717.htm

You can work your way to this adorable piece:

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/baby-dolls/White-Eyelet-Baby-Doll/DG4288W.htm

And if you want to give him cleavage, something like this may do the trick!

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/bras/Padded-Push-Up-Bra/X392.htm

They have a neat gallery section on that website, with women who aren't tiny looking beautiful and sexy.

See...I'd be comfortable in all of that...that doesn't bother me.

It also doesn't even come close to what he's asking for x.x
 

Xeph

See...I'd be comfortable in all of that...that doesn't bother me.

It also doesn't even come close to what he's asking for x.x
 

 Ah. LOL! 

Maybe you just need a glass of wine (or three) to take your mind off the outfit

This comes with a handy cover up for feeling shy but its smoking hot underneath: http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/baby-dolls/Lace-Baby-Doll--Charmeuse-Robe/DG4291.htm

Don't mind me, I like virtual shopping.  

Maybe you just need a glass of wine (or three) to take your mind off the outfit

I don't drink either!  ROFL!!

Jon is a "thigh highs and garter belt" kind of guy, so I'm sure you can sympathize with my problem to some degree xD

ETA:  I do appreciate that these models have normal breasts instead of chests pumped full of silicone that makes them look good in anything and everything :-p     

I'm in the same position as you are except I've been with my guy for about 3 years.  Alex is the same "thigh highs and garter belts" but he also likes cat ears with the outfit. Now in the beginning when he first asked, I freaked!  I'm extremely self conscious of my stomach. But baby steps like suggested. And now I can wear some of the outfit.. Not sure about the thigh highs yet. Lol.

A good suggestion was go shopping together and come to a compromise  that will make you both happy. and have fun while doing it! He'll understand if you talk to him about your "issues". 

And believe me when I say, I wish I had this support 3 years ago.  

Xeph

Jon is a "thigh highs and garter belt" kind of guy, so I'm sure you can sympathize with my problem to some degree xD

Why, yes I can!  

See...women make things easy.  You know what I think is sexy?  Semi baggy jeans with a button shirt that's laid open with no undershirt underneath

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/3522512/2/istockphoto_3522512_open_shirt_male.jpg like this..only with Jon under it xD

That or naked...see!  Women are simple that way!