Giving up dogs.

I think giving up your dog is sometimes OK.  It's sometimes the only option.  For example if safety was an issue.  Or if you were no longer ALLOWED to keep the dog(s). 

Other than that, rule of thumb for me is - if you are UNABLE to meet the dogs needs and he is UNABLE to adapt to the new lifestyle.  Someone in taht situation giving up their dog.... I sympathise whole heartedly.  I can't even imagine what it must be like.  If you are UNWILLING to meet the dogs needs.... well, THAT is pretty treacherous IMO, but in that case maybe the dog is better off with someone else to be honest.... someone who cares for him like he deserves.  I see some people UNWILLING to meet the dogs needs that DONT give him up and I wish they would as the dog seems miserable and uncared-for.

janetmichel3009

just read this thread, and forgot who said this, but i agree with the person who said, that it's a lifetime commitment TO DO WHATS BEST FOR THE DOG!

 

Thanks for restating this.  I agree.  Actually, I have both of my dogs because someone else did what they thought was best for them. 

Kenya's first home did not work out and she was returned to the breeder.  The breeder is her "grandma" and they love each other dearly, but Kenya is velcro, even by GSD standards!  She needs ONE person to be her person and she needs a lot of time, hours and hours each day, with that person.  The breeder's other dogs have a different personality than Kenya.  Kenya needed more one-on-one, so she was adopted to me.  The breeder very carefully screened.  I was not even looking at this breeder but my application somewhere else crossed the path of the breeder's head trainer and they thought I was a good match for Kenya so she got us in contact.

Coke was born in rescue and adopted out to a couple that started having serious health problems.  Their family tried to keep Coke around but he just became neglected, hence he was returned to the rescue so he could have a better life.  They could have kept him out in the yard by himself indefinitely, but they realized he was too much for them to take on and deserved better.

I'm not saying giving up or re-homing dogs is good, but it happens a lot for the best interests of the dog. 

Every dog I have ever adopted from the shelters I have kept for life. I try to choose each dog very carefully, not impulsively, and I have raised many amazing dogs who have lived long happy lives. There was one dog I did have to give up. She was a dog I rescued from a playground in the city. She was a black pitbull and I fell in love immediately. She was very skinny when I found her, but she seemed super sweet. I decided to take her home with me. My other dog wasn't too crazy about that at first...it took 2 days for them to warm up to eachother for an off leash greet. They really got along great after that and spent alot of time wrestling and playing. I named her Molly. The vet said she looked to be about a year old. He checked her over, did some blood work, and gave her shots. She freaked out and tried to bite the vet. She was muzzled at the time and managed to get half the muzzle off and she bit the tech. They could not control her and warned me about her aggression. I figured she was just really scared and who knew what she had been through? I posted in this forum about her, seeking advice. She seemed to start adjusting well to our home.I signed her up with a personal obedience trainer, and there was no sign of aggression in Molly at this time, but she didn't do too well with training. I figured the trainer wasnt very good and hired another. Then we had her spayed. She became really unpredictable after that...snapping at people with no warning whatsoever. Back to the vet for more bloodwork and an evaluation. I thought she was going through some major hormonal  upsets after her spay, but months later she was becoming MORE agressive. She bit my 4 year old son on the face. She bit her trainer twice. She bit the vet tech again when he tried to pet her while we were there on a well visit. She managed to scale a 6 foot fence in my yard and bit my son's friend on the leg. She almost killed my sister's JRT...went right for the jugular..it's a miracle that dog survived it. All completely unprovoked. I had to give her up because I was afraid of what she could do to my kids. I wasn't in any position to deal with such an aggressive dog...especially since she checked out fine medically and 2 personal trainers were not able to help. Her problems ran much deeper I'm sure. I adored her despite it all. I cried when I had to give her up. I think about her all the time. I miss her...but I don't feel that giving her up was the wrong thing to do. She went to a home where there were no children, no other dogs, and her new mom was very experienced in raising dogs with special needs.

Sometimes....you just have to do what you have to do.  We all have to live with the choices we make, as do our innocent pets.. and only we ourselves know what is in our hearts..so I try not to judge anyone having to give their dogs up. I know there are people that feel they have no other choice...and I know how desperately hard and heartbreaking that can be.

TheDogHouseBCMPD

It crossed my mind that it would be easier to move if I didn't have all the dogs.  Well that thought didn't last long.  I could never pick who not to have.  I love them and don't want to be separated from them. 

... 

say I haven't thought about it.  But thinking and acting are two different things.  Now if I was truly homeless?  Well then it would probably be better for them to try to find another home for them (hopefully only temporarily).

Incredible honesty ...

Having "been there done that" ... both as a single person who had to, upon a couple of occasions make some BIG changes and BIG choices in my life, AND as a person who survived divorce and became *better* for it I just want to comment.

There's always the risk in this life of some mammoth thing happening -- losing a ton of family in a whole stroke, losing your health, etc. ... BUT by and large we *are* the choices we make.

At one time I chose to go back to college (I was thirty, for heavens sake, and I went back and lived *on* campus because it was the only way I could do it at the school I went to and I was 1500 miles from 'home';) I let Prissy live with my parents for almost 3 years.  I saw her two Christmas' and ONE summer.  But when I moved to Florida after graduation she came with me. 

there were times I worked .. no joke ... four and five jobs at a time.  Literally anything I could do for enough extra money to pay rent to have a roof over our heads, keep my car alive, and keep Pris healthy.  I had zero social life, I wasn't working "in my field" for most of that time and ... we made it.

When my ex left (I booted him out) he then stalked me for months.  He messed around coming in to my work, and breaking into my house repeatedly (I had to take off work twice because I discovered he'd broken into the house *again* and I had to change locks, etc.) and ultimately all those shenanigans got me fired.  He left me in debt to the IRS many many many thousands of dollars and left me overdrawn with no money to pay rent.  I was SOO close to the street many many times -- and had I lived differently before the divorce I might have been one of those ON the street.  It can happen SO easy.

BUT ... the choices I made to keep a roof over my head and the dogs heads those times of my life when it was super difficult -- those choices changed ME.

I didn't give Pris up - but I tell ya, there were times when I wasn't home much.  And I won't look down on someone else who has rehomed animals in difficult times.  I didn't have a child to feed, however I didn't have a home situation where I could just "go home" to Mom and Dad.  The fact that they kept Pris for me while I was in school was nothing short of miraculous and it was amazing she stayed healthy living with them because THEY wouldn't have spent the money on her I did or would have.

But I do think it's worth saying here that we're all accountable for our own choices. 

But Steph, you said SO much when you said "thinking and acting are two different things."  They are.  It's no sin to think about it ... it's no sin to be MOTIVATED because you scared yourself witless.  We're all tempted -- but that's part of our own mental mechanism to do something. 

Some folks don't -- they're tempted and they take the easy route ... most every time.  In fact, one of the reasons they're IN trouble is because they perhaps haven't sucked it up and tried harder in the past.

It's not for ME to pass judgment ... they've got to live in their own skin.  I have to live in *mine*.

I've enjoyed reading this thread and the well thought out and honest replies.  Thank you for sharing!!

I'm seeing that there seems to be a difference between those who adopt or rescue a dog and people who have brought home puppies.  And then there are those that change their lifestyle and those that either try to change the dog or re-home to a, let's say, more appropriate situation. 

I think when you are bringing home a dog, from say the pound (or any shelter, non-rescue) you are taking a chance that the dog will fit into your home, particularly if you have other pets.  Sometimes it doesn't work.  Still there are some who tenaciously hold on making it work, as best they can (my hats of to you!  And none of this is a judgment, just re-stating as I've interpreted the posts).

Getting a puppy can be equally as challenging, up all hours, training,  I'm personally more prone to believe that if you bring in a puppy, you know what you're getting (USUALLY! None of this is hard and fast rules), particularly with purebreds. It was your job to read up on the breed, find a reputable breeder, etc, etc, etc.  So, you should be more prone to change your lifestyle to accommodate said puppy.  For some reason I feel more sympathetic toward the human who brings home an adult (from a shelter, I believe rescues, usually find good fits before the dogs are released) dog and it doesn't fit.  But clearly many here are just as tenacious and loyal as to make it work in those situations. 

Very interesting, I'm enjoying exploring this!  Figuring out why I sometimes pass judgment and other times do not... I guess it comes down to how things are presented.  Do I feel that they did all that they could, before rehoming?  Do I feel that they didnt, etc. 

We are a tough bunch, here on idog.  Is it the disposable pet idea that makes you angry, or all re-homing?  At what point is it that someone has crossed the line in your opinion?



 

Sera_J .

I have both a dog we got as a puppy and a shelter dog. Molly was a puppy and I knew what I was getting myself into when we got her. Bella came from a shelter a little less than 2 months ago. Things weren`t real good to start with but time is on our side and things have been improving everyday. This is Bellas third home and she is only 2 years old. I want it to work as I would find it very hard to return her yet again. Bella has some problems yes but DH said when you get a shelter dog you also get their problems. I feel when you adopt from a shelter you should expect maybe this dog has some problems and get ready to deal with it and give it some time.

willowchow

Edited to add--Bugsy's mom-The person who told you that is right, about the bond.  This dog that I was afraid of before comes everywhere with me now.  I can do anything to her and she is very tolerant.  She's a great, great friend to me. 

 

Just saw this - how awesome is that!  And I know how you feel.  BTW if Bugsy had aggression in him I don't think I could've done it.  His intensity, intelligence, power, and drive would have made it impossible (for me) to manage aggression.  That is what I think anyway

mollymoo

Sera_J .

I have both a dog we got as a puppy and a shelter dog. Molly was a puppy and I knew what I was getting myself into when we got her. Bella came from a shelter a little less than 2 months ago. Things weren`t real good to start with but time is on our side and things have been improving everyday. This is Bellas third home and she is only 2 years old. I want it to work as I would find it very hard to return her yet again. Bella has some problems yes but DH said when you get a shelter dog you also get their problems. I feel when you adopt from a shelter you should expect maybe this dog has some problems and get ready to deal with it and give it some time.

 

I agree. Coke is a rescue dog, also with a few issues, and we are taking things very slowly with him.  He is also a large dog and young, so just growing out of puppyhood.  I could never ever think of giving him up.  He is my heart dog.  Even the "naughty" things he does are still a part of his personality that is so endearing.  He is the total opposite of Kenya in every way but I love him just the same.  The other night I was feeling down, just sitting there in bed....he got up on the bed, laid next to me, put his paws around my lap and his head on my chest and licked my chin.  Technically, getting up on the bed without an invite is a no-no, but he's such a big little cuddle bug! 

With Kenya, I knew exactly what I was getting into.  There have been no surprises with her and if anything, I was OVER prepared.  She is one step ahead of me and teaches me something new every day. 

I think maybe one reason for the broad spectrum of responses in this thread is the motivation behind giving up the dog.  To me, there is absolutely no reason I'd every give up a dog unless I could not provide adequate care for the dog.  Getting pregnant, having to move, the dog biting someone....those are not reasons that I could not provide the kind of care my dogs deserve, and those are not reasons I see to give up a dog.  Losing a home and being forced to live in a homeless shelter or in a small house with a large family who don't like dogs...that's a situation where the owner probably can't meet the needs of their dog and the dog might be better off somewhere else. 

We are a tough bunch, here on idog.  Is it the disposable pet idea that makes you angry, or all re-homing?  At what point is it that someone has crossed the line in your opinion? 

I have no problem with people who truly cannot provide an adequate life for their dog (period of homelessness, significant health issues). The responsible thing to do would be rehome. The loving thing to do would be rehome. My problem lies in the fact that many people who I've seen rehome for selfish reasons IMO. In addition, I cannot stand when people refuse to see their situation for what it is and take in more dogs when their other ones are having issues, or getting dog after dog then rehoming them. I mean seriously, could you imagine rehoming three dogs in one year or getting another dog to add to your pack while you are dealing with significant behavior issues in your others? What about people with serious personal problems who aquire animal after animal then complain about the many behavioral/health issues? It's like watching a train wreck to me only I just CAN'T watch. I personally think it's selfishness that causes these problems. I would LOVE to have a bunch more pets, but I personally do not live in a situation that could support that. I've found that people often don't know what they are capable of taking care of, or probably more acurately don't accept what they are able to take care of.

 

For me the relationship is for life and there is not much that would ever make me consider giving one up other than:

1. I cannot meet the needs of the dog and the dog is clearly not suited for my home and is not happy in it. If this occured then I would work hard to find the place where the dog would have it's needs met.

2. The situation was so very severe that keeping my dogs meant my human family would suffer without a roof over their heads and no food to eat.

3. The dog attacked and injured a member of the family to the point that I feel the dog is a hazard to their safety.

  With all that being said, I would do everything in my power to make it work and to prevent any such thing even happening in the first place. Dogs are not just possesions and they are not disposable. The above (2) has happened to me one time in 30 years and I have never forgotten it and I vowed then that it would never happen again.

ottoluv

me. My problem lies in the fact that many people who I've seen rehome for selfish reasons IMO. In addition, I cannot stand when people refuse to see their situation for what it is and take in more dogs when their other ones are having issues, or getting dog after dog then rehoming them. I mean seriously, could you imagine rehoming three dogs in one year or getting another dog to add to your pack while you are dealing with significant behavior issues in your others? What about people with serious personal problems who aquire animal after animal then complain about the many behavioral/health issues? It's like watching a train wreck to me only I just CAN'T watch.

 

Ugh, so many times online and with friends and family I have seen this happen, it makes me sick!  I am especially disturbed when they don't ask for any advice before getting the animal ("look at the cute puppy I got at the flea market!";) and then turn to me and others when they're in over their heads and just want help "getting rid" of it.  To me one of the worse things is seeing people get rid of one animal that "just didn't work out" and immediately turn around and get another, rather than examining WHY these pets are not working out...

 I know what it is like to deal with a difficult dog - I was very honest in my first post when I said that I have contemplated re-homing Jamie as there are days that I feel like I am failing her miserably. I have sympathy for people who adopt a dog, and, despite all of their efforts, the dog will never fit into their household comfortably. I understand that not everyone will do what I have done - re-arrange their entire life and allow their house to become a constant battlefield - in order to keep a dog that does not blend in to the household and I certainly don't expect everyone to do so. There will be times when it is truly in the animal's best interests to be re-homed, regardless of the commitment that the owners made when they adopted him/her.

What gets me are the re-home situations like this:

• someone gets a puppy of a breed that they did not research, did not prepare for, and then at 10 months of age, they give it up because "it just got too wild"...the owner, of course, usually takes no responsibility for the way this dog turned out. They most likely will go out and get another puppy, then repeat this scenario again.
  
• getting any dog and expecting them to fit in seamlessly, then returning him/her when they dare bark or have an accident in the house
• insisting on getting a dog that is clearly not going to fit into their lifestyle, only to have the owner blame the dog for acting like he/she does, then re-homing the dog for convenience sake

I believe there is a difference between a responsible re-home and an irresponsible re-home situation. If someone is re-homing a dog because it is the best thing for the dog, regardless of how it makes the owner feel, then I feel that that owner is truly looking out for the good of the dog.

Lulu will be the youngest 'puppy' I've ever had (Pollyanna was 5 months, Prissy was 6 months but had already HAD a litter at 6 mos).  But all rescues, all abused. 

I've always taken a dog who *needs* me -- for miscellaneous reasons.  But because (and pardon me, I don't usually mention this, but it IS absolutely integral to the whole 'thing' for ME, personally) -- because I truly feel these dogs have been divinely put in my path I figure sometimes part of the whole point is for ME to change and for ME to be "better" (anything from more understanding, more industrious, more consistent, more patient *sigh*)

Most of the world doens't feel that way.  In fact, it's my considered "opinion" (tongue in cheek here) that most people miss opportunity GALORE to better themselves and it's their loss.

I may think someone is scum for not trying harder, not caring, etc. ... but just because I *think* that probably isn't going to change it.  And even if I *DO* think it ... being critical probably isn't going to solve or help anything.

But sort of like what Steph said above -- "doing" and "thinking about it" are different things -- and SO IS "thinking someone is a cretin for giving up a dog" and SAYING SO -- that's different. 

I try not to waste my words of advise.  If they aren't going to be received, I often just shut up.  If I can say something constructively and MAYBE change things, fine.  But saying something only to anger someone or to vent ... it's often more counter productive than anything because it simply makes THEM resent and hate ... and it may not do a darned thing positive at all.  MY blood pressure is more precious than that.  So ... sometimes  I just gotta let it go.

Sera_J

Very interesting, I'm enjoying exploring this!  Figuring out why I sometimes pass judgment and other times do not... I guess it comes down to how things are presented.  Do I feel that they did all that they could, before rehoming?  Do I feel that they didnt, etc. 

We are a tough bunch, here on idog.  Is it the disposable pet idea that makes you angry, or all re-homing?  At what point is it that someone has crossed the line in your opinion?

I'm not sure I would say the disposable pet idea makes me angry, but more so it makes me sad.  Perhaps I am looking at the topic on a more emotional level, but when I hear of a person giving up a dog because it barks too much, peed on the floor, their having a baby, or another silly little reason, I see a person who was never truly bonded or attached to the dog in the first place.  Sure they might have some basic emotions of attachment but they are only surface deep.  If they truly loved the animal, and saw it as a family member, they wouldn't be able to so easily give it up.

I guess going off that level, I have a hard time seeing how it is going to work.  Sure, the person could buckle down and do the extra work to keep the dog around, but is that really what's best for the dog?  Will the dog ever be a true member of the family?  Can someone be forced or prodded into deeper feelings?

I think sometimes on animal forums, we forget that not everyone has been blessed to have a deep bond with an animal in their life.  Some people have never had a true pet period until, they decide as young adults, it might be fun to get that cute little puppy sitting in the petstore window.  It's a completely different mindset.

I've grown up around animals.  My parents had multiple pets before I was born, and I bonded to them like family in those early developmental periods as a child.  Hamsters, Guinea pigs, ferrets, birds, horses, fish, lizards, all kinds of bugs, cats, the varies animals I fostered, I never knew a life outside of being surrounded by animals till I went away to college and found myself living in a nothing but fish allowed dorm.  Even then I snuck in my mantises most terms.  I have discovered I am not a nice person if forced to live extended periods without animal companionship.  I become stressed, depressed, irritable, and plain just not a very fun or happy person. 

And yet, so many people I met and many of my friends, have lived all their life with pretty much zero animal contact.  On my side of the fence, I don't know how they survive, but on theirs that is just normal.

Thus, when I see someone who doesn't get it when it comes to animals, it makes me sad.  Sad for the animals unlucky enough to have a doomed start at life, and sad for the people that will never get to experience the true love and joys that come with an animal.  Even during my toughest times, the love and happiness I received from my animals has always easily out weighed the extra work, parties missed, lost sleep, spending money lost, and other such sacrifices I had to make for my animals.  

Giving up my dogs has never crossed my mind.  When I decided that they would come home with me, I did so with “forever” being the timetable for their stay.  I have had moments, most notably when training Shooter & Schatzi, which I have asked myself “what the heck have you gotten yourself into?”  But after a moment or two, I just get started addressing the problem & moving forward.

Recently, my life has changed a great deal.  Bevo was injured, & dealing with his injury has been a life changing experience.  He no longer gets to hop up & down from the vehicle, we lift him.  We live in a three story home.  Stairs are another no no.  The first week after Bevo arrived home, DH & I slept on the floor in the living room, because Bev is used to sleeping with us, & he wasn’t in good enough condition to carry up & down the stairs.  When he was more comfortable, we carried him up & down the stairs until we had ramps installed so that he can move around the house easier.  We lift him into the bed every night.  Then we lift him off of the bed every morning.  We hold his food bowl up at a level that he can eat comfortably from, because the neck brace that he is currently wearing doesn’t allow for much movement. 

 Last week, I traveled to Bogota, Colombia.  I didn’t do it because I truly wanted to travel to a country that is considered a “dangerous” place to visit due to fighting between drug lords.  I went because the money offered to me was too good to pass up.  Normal people would have been thinking to themselves…new car, or a down payment on a home.  I was thinking “with this money, if Bevo needs surgery, I will easily be able to afford it, along with the rehab that he will need after.”  I will be travelling back to Colombia next month.  I like knowing that I will be able to afford their care, even if it is not something out of the ordinary.   Because I decided to make them part of my family, I am willing to travel to an unsafe country, don a bullet proof vest, & get to work, with the knowledge that my dogs will be taken care of.

Is this exactly normal?  Definitely not, but it is the way that I chose to deal with them.   I feel as if it is my responsibility to make sure that they get the best care available.  I can't imagine my life without my dogs in it, & quite frankly, I'm not sure that it would even be a life worth living.