Giving up dogs.

I too bought into the "Im in it for life".  I have done it too, with practically  every dog that entered the house.  Only one went back to the breeder.  She was neurologically impaired.... I thought I would just let her be a house dog.  There would be no conformation, no obedience, no herding.  I returned her and it broke my heart.  She was so unstable medically and temperment that she was put down.  Glad I did not have to do that part of it..... had she stayed with me I would have... She was dangerous,,, I just couldnt take the blinders off and see it.

 As to my sound and intact "neurologically that is" dogs,  the only thing that would make me give them up would be a life ending illness or one that required their removal to treat the condition (bone marrow transplant etc)

I too agree with the lifetime commitment.

Life is not easy in the RV with 6 german shepherds, and I've given a great deal of thought to what might be a better situation for them.  Bottom line is, I can't do it to them, or to us.

I have the advantage of friends that care enough to help, and I know without a doubt that if I posted on this forum that I couldn't afford food or medical care for them that there would be many offers to help. 

I honestly consider our current situation to be temporary....otherwise I couldn't survive it......and I'm not going to make huge and life altering changes over a temporary situation.

That said, I do not judge others....or I try not to....for making the choice to rehome their dogs.  Although, I do get very annoyed at the folks who do it on Freecycle.

Great topic! I'm interested as well to learn others viewpoints on this.

I think the majority of people who give up their dogs do not NEED to, they just do not want to deal with the issue at hand, whether it be undesirable behavior, finding a pets OK apartment, etc. When you acquire a dog, you are acquiring a family member. Sure, some people obviously don't consider their dogs members of the family, but they ARE, at least in the dog's mind. I've never been able to fully comprehend how people can just surrender their dogs like it's no big deal. Actually I was talking to my mom about this earlier. One of her friends gave up her dog because she (mom's friend) had a second baby and didn't want to deal with a big dog and two little kids. I couldn't believe it.

I think lots of people who surrender their dogs don't realize that while they may be able to give up their dog and go on the next day as normal (go to work, pick up the kids from school, etc), the dog loses its entire family, house, familiar environment, stability and security! Scary, right??

Now, I do believe there are certain situations that are understandable in why someone is giving up their dog...person's medical conditions and just not enough money. People *can* fall on hard times, and if you have a dog and kids and only so much money, your kids have to come first IMO. But I'd hope that the individual could find a family member or trusted friend to look after the dog before dropping him off at the pound. I'd hope people care and love their family member enough to do everything in their power to get the best possible situation for the dog.

Would I ever give up my dogs? Heeeckk no. They are members of my family.  

What sacrifices have I made for my dogs? Mostly, TIME. If it's between getting their exercise and going shopping with friends, I'm sorry mis amigos but family comes first, lol. My dogs are extremely important to me. They have changed my life, needing time, patience, instruction, and of course the costs involved. But all the things they have "cost me" don't compare to the happiness I feel when I'm having fun with my dogs. They make me laugh all the time, and I think I would be a lot more depressed if it weren't for them lol!

My family "gave up" 2 dogs to the humane society where I volunteer, but they were my brother's and he didn't come back for them like he said he would. Both were aggressive with Cadie (we didn't have Riley then) and could not be totally trusted with people either, including us. It was an awful situation. I cried A LOT both times, but it was my parents decision and there was nothing I could do. To my parents credit, we all (mother, father, sister, myself) tried to make it work with them but we were living in a tiny townhouse and it wasn't fair to Cadie. We were all upset about the entire situation, but it was my brother's fault ultimately for getting these dogs and leaving them with us. He said he'd be back for them and never came - he wouldn't take them back. We couldn't force him, and my parents would not keep them. We at least gave them to the humane society we are very involved with and know well. It was heartbreaking, but between my dogs (ie just Cadie at the time) and his, I/my parents have to look after the safety of ours first.

There's much more I could write but I won't bore the heck outta everyone lol. All the more I'll say is I've SEEN the dogs in shelters and county pounds and it's so very disturbing. It makes me so angry when I learn of people just disposing of their own dogs because they didn't try to make it work, they didn't dedicate themselves to MAKING it work. There are SOOOOO many dogs (and puppies!) being killled daily at shelters. People need to think *hard* before the get a dog. It's not just a three letter word - it's a 15+ year committment of love, patience, discipline, effort, time, expenses, the list goes on.

There was a time I considered rehoming Sassy. I'd even contacted a rescue group about taking her. That's what brought me to IDog in the first place and I actually received a lot of support.

Not long after we rescued her, she and Buffy started having fights. We tried adjusting this or that, but a few weeks or months later, they'd have another fight. The damage they inflicted on each other was also getting worse, and for selfish reasons, I wanted to rehome Sassy. The fights scared me terribly, I felt (still feel) wary when they were together, and our life was turned upside down. More than anything though, I didn't think it was fair to either of them to try to work thru this problem (at their expense) and ultimately manage them separately. I especially felt it was unfair to Buffy. I love Sassy dearly and I couldn't part with her now after 6 yrs, but I absolutely believe that rehoming her when the problems started would've been the best idea for all involved.  I would never have taken her back to the shelter or done anything less than find her a good, loving home though.

Sera_J

Has it never occurred to you to give up your dog, even in trying times, why?

It has never, not once, occured to me to give up Cherokee. I can't imagine any situation in which I would. It's just not an option, ever. One reason, and definitely not the least of them, is that Cherokee has some major behavioral problems, so if I "gave her up", that would almost certainly mean death for her.

I won't say it never occured to me to give up my kitty though. For a while there I wondered if he wouldn't be better off with someone who WANTED a super cuddly affectionate cat, because I didn't. His affection only annoyed me, and while I tried really hard to always be nice to him anyway, sometimes I failed. Definitely not proud of that. I don't know why cats are different to me...why if he were a dog, the thought most likely would've never crossed my mind, because I can't see myself annoyed by a dog's affection. But I've gotten a heck of a lot better, and appreciate him a whole lot more now. I can't imagine giving him up, and can't think of anything that would make me ever consider it again.

I am committed enough to my animals to make any issue that comes up work. Not everyone is like that. Some people don't have the patience, the will, or the bond with the animal, and in that case, I'm not sure rehoming isn't better for everyone, but most importantly for the animal. So even though I agree 1000% that a pet is a lifetime commitment, sometimes people are crappy and don't hold up their end of the deal.

I may be running on little sleep with a puppy in the house who needs a break in the middle of the night to potty (my SO and I rotate this).  I may be getting up much earlier in the morning than I'm used to and am quite frankly cranky and feeling run down (I simply need sleep - always have been this way).  I may be dealing with a puppy who feels everything is a game including biting me hard and my SO and I feel helpless right now trying to find a way to get through to her regarding bounderies.  And I may have had several messages thrown my way that really hurt (telling me I SHOULD give up my puppy b/c obviously I'm incompetent - and yes one of those messages was from here) BUT giving up Ari has never ever occured to me.  I love her, most of her behavior is typical puppy pea-brained behavior.  I may not get to read as much as I used to (I'm a book addict reading is something I do voraciously).

I've worked with dogs and puppies before and spent 2 years researching, reading, and discussing with my SO BEFORE we even contacted a breeder.  So what if Ari was not what I was expecting (a puppy for whom all things are a game, including ignoring her and some of the more hands on methods of stopping the biting) - she's part of our family.  I would not discard her and in fact my life would feel empty without her.  

However, I would consider rehoming her, if for instance my SO and I found ourselves in such trouble we could not meet her basic needs of food and shelter.  Such as we both lost our jobs, our home, etc etc.  Even then I would try to find only a temporary home for her till we got back on our feet. 

Eeks...I did have thoughts of rehoming Maggie when we first got her.  I was just brief thoughts.  She beat up my poor little Sampson and he didn't deserve that.  That was the hardest part for me.  She had terrible SA and beat the crap out of the crate and herself when she was in there.  She tore up everything and anything we put in there with her.  She barked throught the night until she simply couldnt bark anymore.  My heart broke for her and for my Sampson.  I cried many nights but not because I was losing sleep but because Sam was no longer himself and separated himself from the rest of the family.  I also cried for Maggie cuz she was so unhappy and scared.  I made the decision to bring her home and It was my responsibility to make her and everyone else live happy together.  We hired personal trainers and behaviorist.  It was pure hell for about 2 to 3 months but she came around.  I love her so much and would love to have 10 more just like her.  She is so loveable and wants to be near you as much as possible.  She's a prize!

An issue near and dear to my heart...

I get an animal and keep him/her for life, though I will admit that our most recent canine addition has given me some serious second thoughts. Jamie is emotionally scarred from having five homes in her first 15 months of life, and while I know it is not her fault, a belgian malinois that punks on the other dogs in the house, chases the cats, has separation anxiety, no attention span, and needs to be active 23 hours a day can be incredibly frustrating at times. I was her foster parent on and off for six months, and the reason I kept putting her back up for adoption was because I didn't feel that I could meet her needs, so I felt the best interest of the dog was to be with someone that could.

I have seriously considered trying to re-home her again (via the shelter I work in) when I feel like I am unable to meet her needs at times...heck, sometimes I don't even know what her needs are! I want the best thing for her, whether that involves me or not. I've contemplated euthanasia being the kindest thing for her, though that is only during the times when she is so unstable that I fear for her safety (i.e. trying to dive through a window to find me). I have not and will not re-home her because I realize that I am Jamie's last chance, (the other option is euthanasia) and I recognize that I made a commitment to her when took her on - no one else will take on a dog this damaged.

What have I done to make it work? I've completely rearranged my life. I have gates up all over the house to keep the cats safe, we are in the process of putting up a six foot privacy fence so she can't jump over it, and my entire leisure time is consumed by her and the other dogs. I am constantly trying to find new things to teach her, I've subscribed to the local dog park, and we are now looking for an agility club to enroll in. I made a commitment when I brought her into our home and we will see her through because I know it is the best thing for the dog. That is how I feel about all of my pets (3 cats, 3 dogs, 2 horses) - I make a commitment to them when I get them that I will always do what is in the best interest of that animal. It so happens that the best interests of the dogs I have is to stay with me - food aggression, severe dog-to-dog aggression, and hyperactivity - because I am their best option.

I believe that people should be committed for the long haul and research throughly before any purchase of an animal, but I don't think that means it is always going to work.  Sometimes the best thing you can do for an animal is to realize it isn't working and either find them a home where it will, or be willing to do the hard thing and put them down if rehoming isn't possible.  It's nice to say that all people should be willing to suck it up and care for the animal, but that doesn't mean that what's best for the animal.  If a person has reached the end of their rope and no longer has any true feelings for the animal, than it is pointless for both to live in misery.  A loveless home is no place for any creature and you can't force someone to tune in that has already tunned out.  Nor is home good for an animal where they are over the long term unable to get the proper amounts of food, water, shelter, exercise and attention.

I also don't think that human to animal relationships are as simple as reading a book or meeting the animal and handling it for an hour or two.  You don't go on one couple hour date with someone and then decide they are the one and get married the next day. 

Sometimes no matter how much research you do the only way to really see what it is going to be like is to live with that individual animal is to take them home and live with them.  I've always get new animals with the one month rule in mind.  I give the animal and myself that time to get to know each other and see how living together is going to be.  If it feels wrong and it is clear it was a mistake, I accept the responsibility of swallowing my pride and returning the animal so that it can have a chance at a proper home.
 

I`ve owned 10 dogs since I graduated from high school and left home. They were all for life no matter what but I did lose one in my divorce. X -husband got the Irish Setter (Sally) and I got the Cocker Spaniel (Buffy). Divorce can be cruel. Molly and Bella are number 9 and 10. Here for life.

We 'casually' had thought about giving Sammy up shortly after we first got him... it would have broken my heart and probably meant death for him to go back to the shelter, so the talks were never serious, but we're apartment people and he had some trying SA issues when we got him, and there was only so much we could do to get it under control before it would have gotten us kicked out of our place.  He was our first dog other than childhood pets so we weren't sure what to do, no family here to rely on or help.  But, my folks had offered to take him if it became too much of problem with him since they have a dog and he is better at their place, so it might have worked out.  We ended up getting a behaviorist and making a lot of changes and got over it, but there was a few months that pretty tricky since we weren't experienced with it.  Now after 2 years we know how to 'manage' him so it's no big deal, but I tend to worry about things and he WAS making quite the racket all day, howling and driving the neighbors nuts, since they were all on public assistance and home 24/7 drinking or smoking something. 

We definitely have more dog knowledge now so we probably could have even prevented or helped most of his issues if we knew then what we know now, so at least it worked out for the best.  It would have been a stupid reason to give him up, yes, but was it fair to have him all worked up and hurting himself all day every day?  No.  So thankfully we were able to get the help we needed to keep everyone happy!

This *should* be a many-layered discussion. 

ME?  I'm so "for life" it's scarey -- I'd eat rice & beans to ensure the dogs have vet care.  I live in an old house and in the 24 years I've lived here I have NEVER bought drapes -- I can't afford them.  They aren't *important* to me -- the dogs are.  Shoot, we're spending a bundle next week to go get this sick little demodex dog FROM TEXAS (like yeah, they have demodex dogs in Florida -- but *this* one needs us) BUT this is how *we* want to spend our money!  Our choice. 

But realistically folks, not everyone is like that.  We're all a sum total of experiences, how we were reared, the life choices we make and our personalities.  Not everyone feels the way I do.  Nor .. the way everyone else on this page does.  We all have our emotional limits -- and some folks ... just don't care like that.

Some folks would look at my house and say "What is WRONG with you -- you're drapes are in tatters?  WHY .... how can you possibly have so little pride ...."

Because that's ME, that's why.  I'd rather spend my money other ways. 

But the fact is, we're all unique -- we're all different.  I can try to educate someone to have the same values I do regarding dogs, and *sometimes* I'll win. 

But the reality is, some folks just plain don't have what it takes to commit like that (look at the divorce rate!).

SO ...

One of my purposes in this life is to try to *help* people.  Particularly with their dogs.  There are a lot of people who just plain can't handle the health issues. 

Either they can't figure out HOW to do what a vet has asked (and they're too afraid to ask) ... or they're frustrated because something doesn't work ... or sometimes they don't even realize the dog is *really* sick and NEEDS a vet. 

One of the things that drives me is simply to help that person who may be darned close to giving up their animal ... help them either figure out how to cope with a medical problem, or how to go a different direction if something isn't working, or how to communicate with a vet when they feel they are getting nowhere, or .... a million other things.

But if I can help that person figure out HOW to deal with that problem -- if I can redirect them back to a vet (maybe a different vet, maybe just help them figure out how to talk to the one they have) ... or cope with it another way ... but if I can help them figure out how to deal ... *and THEN they keep that dog* then I've helped this whole problem.

Because some folks will give up otherwise -- simply because they can't figure it out.

 They aren't wicked, bad, cruel or mean -- they just can't figure it out.

I rarely get involved in training on here -- not because I don't have opinions and not because I'm not knowlegeable -- but I tend to attack different *types* of training problems.

Maybe someone has already been to a behaviorist, or has tried 100 things but they just can't figure it out.  Maybe I can just say it a different way.  Maybe in MY long-winded way, I can help them see it a different way.

MAYBE I can help them keep that dog.

My point is -- there are times when folks have to rehome a dog because they just can't figure out how else to do it.  They aren't mean, they don't really lack 'commitment' -- they just can't figure out how to make it work and they're at a breaking point.

Sometimes it's something really simple.  And maybe they feel it's absolutely stupid ... but they can't do it.

There are times when an animal has to be re-homed.  There are times when people are just plain on their last nerve -- and putting them down, or making them feel rejected -- that's not going to help. 

To use a legal term you "mitigate the damages".  You help them make the best choice they can.  You help them -- if they can't KEEP the dog, you help them at least go the direction that will get the dog the best home.  Sometimes it's not easy to help them ...

so it may be better to counsel someone to rehome than, for example, to see them snap and be cruel to it out of temper.  Or to see the dog thrown outside because they can't cope.  You can't just bully someone into a corner to FORCE your viewpoint ... because some one will prove you wrong someday and tragedy may result. 

It doesn't help to have someone so stressed over a dog that they lose their marriage or home or job and crash and burn as a result. 

some folks just aren't trying.  THOSE folks are wrong.  Maybe they're just shallow -- but THOSE folks shouldn't have a dog anyway. 

But there are a million stories out there in the "naked city" .... and millions and millions more all over the world.  It's not just cut and dried that it's right or wrong.  don't just condemn ...help, educate, and re-direct.

I "gave up" my previous dog to my ex when I got divorced, but I don't really count that...one of us had to give him up, and he was always more of my ex's dog than mine. I still see him, I dogsit from time to time.

The other dog I gave up was a stray I found...stray is generous, she was practically feral. I had her for three months, when I first found her I wanted to try to keep her, and she did come a long way...I vetted her, potty trained her, leash trained her, crate trained her, taught her obedience commands, but she was a horrible fit with my shelties, terrified of my husband, snapped at neighbors, including kids, just very very fearful and I was very unqualified to deal with her. I found her another home, and I would take her back if I needed to. I justify rehoming her by telling myself I didn't choose her like I did my others, and that I helped her. I try to consider her like a foster, but the reality is I feel guilty. I did decide to keep her, and then I changed my mind when I saw how difficult she was going to be.

Giving up dogs in general...it depends. On why, where you give them up to, many things. I have pet peeves, reasons that really bug me, like "a new baby is on the way" or "moving, can't take the dog with", but in general it's not a black and white issue.