If I like it, its mine.
If I can take it from you, its mine.
If I had it a little while ago, its mine.
If I'm chewing something up, all the peices are mine.
If it just looks like mine, its mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I saw it first, its mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If its broken, its yours.
Licking: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
Holes: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. Arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole; they'll thing its gophers.
Doors: The area directly in front of the door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
The Art of Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed everywhere. It is your job to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especiallly when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. Its also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking: Housebreaking is important, so break as much of the house as possible.
Going for Walks: Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go the the bathroom on your own land.
Couches: It is permissable to lie on the new couch after all your people have gone to bed.
Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick; aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall so you won't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils the fun.
Chewing: make a contribution to the fashion industry.... eat a shoe!
Just an email I got yesterday. Got it before but I thought it was cute and decided to share. It reminds me of Crusher.