1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to
kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.'
2. My mother
taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
'If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!'
4. My mother taught
me LOGIC.
'Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mother taught me MORE
LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
to
the store with me.'
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure
you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mother
taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and
eat your supper.'
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you
look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mother taught me about
STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'
11. My mother
taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went
through it.'
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you
once, I've told you a million times. D on't exaggerate!'
13 My mother taught
me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out.'
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting
like your father!'
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
'There are
millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful
parents like you do.'
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just
wait until we get home.'
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
'You
are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL
SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze
that
way.'
19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't
you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
'When
that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'
21. My mother
taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll
never grow up.'
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your
father.'
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind
you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'
24. My mother taught me
WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my
favorite:
My mother taught me about JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and
I hope they turn out just like you!