Very Worried

Jenny you are a good friend and I hate that you have to deal with this kind of scary drama. Did your friend also have anything to drink? That would never excuse getting physical but could explain a bit of the texting drama.  I would hazzard a guess if she iss worried he could hit her than he has gotten rough with her before. There is no excuse for a many to put hands on a woman. period .  And there are a million reasons a woman stays in a relationship where it happens.  You need to get your friend alone before the dinner out. Scope out marks or simply ask her about it. If he did stike her you need to be a good friend and make sure she knows it is NOT her fault. It is his issue. Then you need to assure her she can come to you day or night .... UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you go over in the middle of a fight. Period!! Should she call or text there is a fight going on call the cops. Then go over.  An aggressive drunk is not overly concerned with who they terrify or hit, sometimes the more the better.  By getting the cops involved he will either get help or be removed eventually. Should you friend bail him out if arrested you need to understand she is already too deeply into the whole problem. SHE needs to get into counseling and get her head squared away , a man does not hurt someone he loves.  He can seem devoted and obessed but true love does not hurt like that. Please talk to a counselor about it yourself, you will better understand why and how you are being involved in this.

What ever happens please be safe!

Bonita of Bwana

Retired RN, Mother of 5 daughters and former counselor on both rape and domestic abuse hotlines

What Bonita said!

If it were me, I would definitely sit down with her and talk things over. There is no reason to ever marry a man who you think might hurt you - that is not normal. Maybe he hasn't hit her yet, but that "yet" should not exist! There must be some reason she said that to you - maybe he's threatened her or hit her before, or she's seen him be violently drunk with other people/things.

I'm sorry for both of you, and I hope you can help her and both stay safe. 

Cita

What Bonita said!

If it were me, I would definitely sit down with her and talk things over. There is no reason to ever marry a man who you think might hurt you - that is not normal. Maybe he hasn't hit her yet, but that "yet" should not exist! There must be some reason she said that to you - maybe he's threatened her or hit her before, or she's seen him be violently drunk with other people/things.

I'm sorry for both of you, and I hope you can help her and both stay safe. 

Yep... EXACTLY!  and hearing it from a  friend, especially one who was recently married and can perhaps tell you what love and a good marriage is suppose to be,  might be more effective than hearing it from family.  Definitely talk to her!   Good luck.  

Cita

Maybe he hasn't hit her yet, but that "yet" should not exist! There must be some reason she said that to you - maybe he's threatened her or hit her before, or she's seen him be violently drunk with other people/things.

That is SO true -- that 'yet' shouldn't even exist.  Frankly, Jenny, there are a lot of us on here that you'd never dream were violence/abuse victims ... but there are.  And we'd all say the same thing.

Don't go over during a fight -- call the cops and THEN go.  You will solve nothing ... and you may only get her in "worse trouble" ... and it won't get resolved. 

Being a smart friend is important ... helping her with real 'help' rather than just drama is critical.