Poem help, please. (aDork)

 I need to work on this poem for workshop Monday, but I have to have it in Professor Smith's folder today (not that it would matter because it's all ice and slush outside anyway). I'm not sure if all of the changes I made to it work or not, so I need some outside opinions, all suggestions are greatly appreciated.

 

 

Coffee Rings

 

And in that moment,

that ripple of time,

we were naked

and blowing smoke rings.

 

But by those moonbeams,

we are as a photograph.

Like your photograph,

in your threadbare envelope.

 

Your hands stained with ink

of a thousand words before.

You damned English teacher –

Side effect: proper grammar.

 

We’re dry-ice glaciers

covering ourselves in corduroy and denim.

We’re sublimating, evaporating,

disappearing from the world.

 

Fading like the photos too long folded

to render any accurate images,

hidden from the critical eyes.

 

Old black and whites reminding us

of midnights and full moons

revealing white ghost images

of the world-weary people we once were.

 

Polar opposites,

you and I.

We’re threadbare

with ink-stained doorknobs.

 

We’re poor,

we fabricate truths.

With moonbeams and photographs

our only evidence.