Just a short vent

What about suggesting a "pet deposit" to your father, like is required with most rental contracts?

If it were me in your shoes I would be equally furious... I would also be searching for another place to live, with a landlord who treated me with more respect. 

Agreed. While it may take a bit of looking, you can find rentals that allow pets (I've always been able to find them, and am in fact living in one now). I think far too often some parents use this kind of arrangement to keep the apron strings attached to their grown children. This kind of arrangement can either be very helpful or very annoying.

If having a pet isn't a big deal, I'd not worry about it.  If it is, though, I'd find another place to rent

I would move but I am on a fixed income and could'nt afford real house payments, my dad only charges me $200, and I like my house and it's location, so I guess I will just have to wait, he has told me that he has it set up that I get the house outright when he passes away and he is 75, I hope that does'nt sound like I want him to pass away cause I don't.

Will he accept a pet deposit?  I convinced my VERY particular landlords to allow me to have FIVE pets.  I initially offered a $300 pet deposit (in addition to the normal $625 security deposit) and they accepted.  Then, they actually agreed to let us get a second dog for an additional $100 deposit. 

*if it were me* I'd go get a pet anyway and make him just accept it. I wouldn't even have asked in the first place since your sister has pets. But that's just me. I tend to be an independent strong willed child when it comes to my parents/family. 

boojababy

I would move but I am on a fixed income and could'nt afford real house payments, my dad only charges me $200, and I like my house and it's location, so I guess I will just have to wait, he has told me that he has it set up that I get the house outright when he passes away and he is 75, I hope that does'nt sound like I want him to pass away cause I don't.

I just wanted to say that your dad is giving you a GREAT deal and I would be very careful disrespecting him in anyway.  He doesn't have to let you live there for that cheap.  If you want to do things your way then you should move out and live on your own IMO. 

I suspect this either has something to do with his relationship with *you* or with a bad experience he's had with your sibling. 

I agree, I'd be very cautious about being in any way disrepectful to your father ... however, I would think you should be able to offer him some sort of pet deposit or ASK HIM how you would go about proving your responsibility to him.

When  two siblings are treated dis-similarly usually there is a reason.  If you can uncover the reason -- what happened in the past that has made him *assume* the worst of you, then you can rectify it.  It will do nothing but **enhance** your relationship with him, and it may simply help you -- either to develop patience or maybe to change something about yourself (whichever way that ball bounces) -- but by peacefully offering a good option to him really has no downside as long as you are willing to listen and work it out.

Sometimes learning to deal with one's aging parents isn't easy -- and frankly, as they get older sometimes it gets harder.  But this way you are helping prepare him for the fact that you are an adult (way past "adult" actually) but that you're also wiser than he may fear.

Ten or 15 years from now when he's more frail and you are even older and wiser, it would be my hope that you could look back on this as a sort of turning point.

I'm not just spitting out yuck here -- I have two of the most difficult people on the planet as my parents and trust me, there has been a LOT of "water over the dam"  but finally my parents are beginning to appreciate ME (they are 85 and I'm way over 50).  It's beyond the "someday I won't have them" phase ... but it's setting some groundwork so if they are ever unable to deal with life in their own home, at least their friends and neighbors know I'm not the terrible 'kid' any more,  and THEY have actually been grateful to me for things I've been able to help THEM with.

I hope that makes sense -- at one time I was the independant one who moved 2000 miles away to get away from their interference.  but I also tried hard not to totally ditch my relationship with them either.  It's a tough tough balance to walk.

grab01

Agreed. While it may take a bit of looking, you can find rentals that allow pets (I've always been able to find them, and am in fact living in one now). I think far too often some parents use this kind of arrangement to keep the apron strings attached to their grown children. This kind of arrangement can either be very helpful or very annoying.

If having a pet isn't a big deal, I'd not worry about it.  If it is, though, I'd find another place to rent

I am not sure if it is rent to own or not, like I said he has it set up that the house will be paid off total when he passes, I am not sure exactly how he paid for it, I think he sold some of his farm land to get the money, all I know is I pay the 200.00 and he pays the rest, even though it does make me mad that he does'nt think I can't handle having a dog I have never said how I feel to him cause I do appriciate what he has done for me, also I have heard from my mom's niece that they have said that when they pass away I will be well off money wise, and that even though they let my sister do what she wants they help me out with things more than her cause she has her husband to do things for her and take care of her and I do not, I have been raising my girls on my own since they were 1 month and 1 year old (they are 8&9 now).

Don't get me wrong, pets are a wonderful.  I couldn't live without mine, but I don't think you should sabotage what you have with your parents.  They are doing you a huge favor.  They sold off property of their's so they could pay for your house.  If you don't like their rules.  Move out.  If you can't afford it then it seems like you are stuck.  You can try talking to them about it, but in my opinion they have every right to say no.

i agree with Crazy_pixie... you could try talking to him again and asking questions like if he made up his mind because your sisters pets are making a huge mess and not being cleaned up after?

my own question is.. if the house is supposed to be yours in the end anyway, why does it matter if you have a pet? my GUESS is that he wants to see if YOU are responsible enough to take care of important things that have been given to you. there are some family members in my own family that will NOT take care of something just because it was given to them. As a result the rest of the family avoids them if at all possible. they have no respect for their belongings or the belongings of others. if your dad has had that experience in the past with someone then he's got a good reason to say no.

When my mom and i were moving around we stopped at one place to look at a house for rent. it was a lovely 150 acre farm, option to buy a pony that was living in the barn next to the house they were renting.. tempting.. very tempting.. but no dogs allowed. we already had two dogs at the time. and the fact that one was part doberman was a giant NO.. turns out previous tenants had totally trashed the place. they had some sort of rottie puppy mill going on INSIDE the house and had to totally be renovated, gutted, cleaned out, scoured, you name it... no more dogs, especially large ones.. ESPECIALLY the ones that are "dangerous" because the lady that owned the place feared for her grand children.

fair enough. we didnt move there. we stayed right where we were.. the house was mucho smaller... practically no yard, no fence, but at least our landlords liked our dogs lol 

boojababy

even though they let my sister do what she wants they help me out with things more than her cause she has her husband to do things for her and take care of her and I do not, I have been raising my girls on my own since they were 1 month and 1 year old (they are 8&9 now).

Does "help me out with things" here mean that they pay for some things?  That is a rhetorical question.  I am not looking for an answer!

Maybe your dad is concerned about your taking on the additional expense of a dog, but just didn't want to say so.  Costs for vet care can generate some hefty bills if there is any kind of illness.  Collars, leashes, vaccinations, worming, spay/neuter, heartworm "preventatives", flea killing products, and decent food (not grocery store stuff) can really add up - and those are normal expenses.  Other possible expenses include a crate, an x-pen, a microchip, puppy pads, and enzymatic cleaning products.

One of our members has a 6-month-old pup that is recovering from parvo.  This pup was fully vaccinated against parvo, but he still got it.  I hate to even think about the vet bill for his care!  Without that care he would have died. 

You certainly don't need to tell us about your finances!!  I just wonder if your dad just came up with the "cleaning up" stuff to avoid saying that he didn't think you could afford it.  I could see my dad doing something like that.

If you think that is a possibility, you could write a letter to your dad telling him that he hurt your feelings when he said that he thought you wouldn't keep the house clean for your girls.  The letter could include an itemized list of the 1st year costs that you expect when getting a dog and you could ask your dad to add to the list.  You could also set up a special savings account ($3,000?) as a reserve for unexpected vet expenses - lots of forum members do that!

Getting a adult dog (2 - 4 years?) from a rescue (rather than a pup) would give you a lot of advantages.  You could get an dog that is up-to-date on vaccinations, house trained, neutered, past the puppy chewing stage, microchipped, and good with children.  Getting an x-ray of the dog's hips before you adopt would rule out hip dysplasia (a major problem and money drain).  Your girls may want a puppy, but they would get over that quickly.  (A dog like this would need a short refresher course in house training, but we could help you with that.)

There is a shelter a few miles out of town that has a website, just for fun I looked through it and there was one I liked that sounds perfect, he is a year old, has all his shots and is spayed and likes kids, his fee is $100 which is nothing compared to the price of getting him his shots and spaying him, he is a husky/boarder collie mix, his name is Tivo.

boojababy

there was one I liked that sounds perfect, he is a year old, has all his shots and is spayed and likes kids, his fee is $100 which is nothing compared to the price of getting him his shots and spaying him, he is a husky/boarder collie mix, his name is Tivo.

Sounds like a nice dog, but do recognize that a 1-year-old dog is a doggie "teenager" with all that implies.  A 2-year-old would be a much calmer dog who is less likely to tear things up.  A 1-year-old also isn't old enough to have his hips evaluated before you adopt.  Surgery for hip dysplasia can cost thousands per hip.

The number of possible problems that you can avoid and list for your dad will be points in your favor.