Rantity Rant Rant stupid MIL (dumdog - who else?)

    • Gold Top Dog

    Rantity Rant Rant stupid MIL (dumdog - who else?)

     

     well i have two things to sorta gripe about.... several really but i'll just do two..

    To start with... now is not the best time for me to have to deal with attitudes or overly demanding personalities... my husband lost his job last Friday. which is FINE. no, seriously, he was beyond miserable there. the money situation isnt the best but its not like a totally depressing situation. we're very lucky to live here because we have no rent and utilities are perfectly priced. still he's out job hunting and feeling inadequate and less than a man etc and so on.. he has a ton of baggage in that department because previous women have left over things much simpler than that... i'm not going anywhere, i have faith in him. its all good.

    So.... on to the rant and why love the Invisible feature on MSN.. 

    for some reason my MIL likes to TELL me what icon i should have up in MSN... right now i have a donkey as my icon... i met this little guy at Pebble Hill Plantation.. he was a therapy donkey. my son got to feed him some oats and he didnt lose any fingers... the donkey also reminds me of one at the ranch where i worked... i LIKE donkeys lol i'm just weird like that.... and on occasion i'll have a pic up of my dogs, kids, husband.... what ever mood i'm in... but this confounded woman thinks that i should change my icon to a picture of the boys and KEEP it that way!! i talk to her maybe once or twice every other week, if that.... i love my kids to death... but dang it! its an ICON!! its something to be silly with! she also likes to nudge and winky blink me to death with those stupid MSN things.. i've asked her not to because my computer lags real bad, especially with those winks.. does she listen? No. She thinks its FUNNY!! i've gone out of my way to turn them off... but since my computer crashed a few months ago i havent had time to go farting around with MSNs tools... so first thing when i sign on i get jingled, then jangled.. then the phone rings as i reply back to her.. oops.. so i said brb phone.. which she didnt see because she was typing and sending several sentences at a rapid pace.. so by the time i get back she thinks i'm ignoring her.. Nope. THAT would have been a GOOD idea!! instead i decided to reply back..

    And... AND!!!! ugh.. ok the source of my frustration is this... In Laws supposed to spend thanksgiving with us... the two of them.. then a last minute change in plans brought in two extras.. my husband's niece and nephew, which is no big deal really except the timing was the worst. for some silly reason Allen brought home a BUNCH of stuff.... and needed a place to store it.. so he "cleaned" out the boxes in the shed. What did he do with these boxes? brought them into the house and on the porch.. this wasnt just a couple of little cardboard boxes.. this was a DOZEN thirty gallon plastic totes! So besides junk everywhere we also had Mattie, Bo, AND Amber plus Ben and Kaydee(who is despised by my FIL and the feelings are mutual)... the big dogs werent a problem... but the little ones were. Mattie is a biter, she barks incessantly at strangers when she isnt trying to bite, and if you crate her and move her to another room she howls and yelps and claws at the crate... on top of that we were still not sure about Amber's temper.. according to the people who had her she couldnt be trusted around other dogs and especially kids... So my house was a wreck.. i had carpet sharks.. extra mouths to feed, and the worlds cleanest people were going to be in my home!! i told Allen to deal with it.. i didnt want to tell them not to come over.. Allen decided to get pissed at them because they wanted an answer "NOW" ...but i kid you not.. if we were the ones that suddenly brought along extra people to an occasion we would have been reamed out and shunned.. When his dad called back ten minutes after asking for an answer now (wasnt the best timing because we had a huge blow up with my aunt, uncle and mom) he told Allen not to worry about it. we could do our thing and they would do ours, happy thanksgiving g'bye.... so we didnt have company. we ended up going to my dads.. which was fine with me. Allen wanted his deep friend turkey.. my dad wasnt going out of town after all. Perfectomundo!

    So today she signed on and after blinking and hassling me about my icon she asked if i was MAD at her grandkids! if they did something to offend me..... do WHAT??

    so she went on to explain things, which was basically the "He said you said she said" thing. "Allen said you didnt want company" ...wrong..... i know what he said... i was sitting beside him as he said it. but from her own words she was trying to get him in trouble.   HmmSuper Angry she's got an ugly history of doing that to him... its resulted in a couple of divorces along with him not having contact with his kids as a result. She's OBLIVIOUS to it, or just all out demented! i cant tell which anymore. i used to be of the mind that "Well she means well... her hearts in the right place" and other excuses... but after today - there was more in the discussion and in past discussions, but this one took the taco - she is starting to look more and more like one of those meddling mother in laws that doesnt think any woman is good enough for her boys. shes tried to rock the boat in the past with me, mostly because of the age difference, or because of lack of money, or his problems with his last ex wife.. those things i brushed off because any sane mother would want to know if her future DIL was aware and willing to cope with those things 24/7.

    But when she said "Sounds like he was trying to blame you for this" i got mad. 

    As it is i dont feel i can even tell my husband about it, especially with him worrying about a job right now.  it seems like a simple misunderstanding but its the under currents of it all that has annoyed me.... she doesnt know that i was listening to his side of the conversation.. and that he told me everything they said.. i explained to her that i was WORRIED about kids coming over.. but by the end of the chat she was real short and left in a hurry...
    i know its the internet. you cant always judge emotions and tones through text... and at the moment i'm just not in the mood to deal with her right now.. i know some day i'm gonna blow up at her like everyone else has done.. but i dont want to. so far i've outlasted every other woman and i'm rather proud of that fact.. especially since i'm not the best when it comes to tolerating people acting like butt heads..

    In the end Half of what we talked about is a non-issue with me.  it was Allen that was upset at them about holiday arrangements.... but some how that got transferred to me... i am at a loss on figuring out how that happened too. it looks suspiciously like she's trying to get him in trouble. i dont know what else it could be. the clencher was when i "loled" at her comment about him "blaming" me.. she didnt think that was funny at all. she said "its no laughing matter! this could put a wedge into the family!"
    yeah i can see how it would if he had indeed LIED.. maybe i should have told her.. i wasnt thinking.. didnt occur to me to mention it until she had buggered off. i was more concerned with explaining why having company was not the best thing in the world... then she wanted to know why we didnt just go to their house instead.. Well i dont think its my place to tell her why Allen was mad.... so i said "i told him to handle it and he did. he wanted to go to my dads for deep fried turkey" .... not the WHOLE truth but still the truth.

     

     

    i mean jeez guys, come on.... this is so stupid. i feel stupid for even typing this. but i already know where this is headed. the woman is super sensitive over the most mundane detail and i'm running out of patience to deal with it! if this was my mom acting this way i wouldnt and dont put up with it. but i feel comfortable with telling my mom when she's over reacting or being silly. you CANT tell Allens mom that. its like throwing gasoline on an already out of control fire.

     

     

    ok rant over.... i had to vent... thanks 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Been there, done that ... got the t-shirt, wore it out, tore it up and used it as car rags ... and eventually I lasted longer than the MIL.  My ex's mom was forever trying to start a war -- usually successfully.  Except she'd play the boys against each other, and the wives? OH MY. 

    bottom line -- I had very little to do with her.  Not someone I'd call or talk to on a whim.  If she calls let the voice mail get it (I don't know MSM but can't you get her to leave a message?)  Can you be "invisible"??

    Bottom line, someone like that exists to have turmoil in their life -- if they don't got it they CREATE it.  It's what they live for.  And you're probably right -- she's probably trying to break you up.

    So just be little Mrs. Perfect -- butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.  "I'll tell him what you said, thanks for calling."  CLICK.  don't play ...period. 

    and then -- jump on here and vent. IT HELPS!!!!

    • Gold Top Dog

    Sheesh, Girl. I feel for ya. It's tough, too, since it is your hubby's mom. Even if he agrees that she's a pain, it's hard to complain about her TO him. You're in a tough spot... and have every right to vent. She sounds like a trip!!

     Vent all you want. Sometimes the best therapy is being able to get it off your chest!!

    • Gold Top Dog

    ICK.

    My best suggestion, if you're looking for ideas, is to move far, far away.   As far as the icon thing goes, many people don't want to put their kids' pics all over the internet for security reasons.

    I don't guess you could just divorce yourself from this toxic person? 

     

    • Gold Top Dog

    Well, I hope you feel better getting it off your chest.  Sometimes, telling friends and anyone else, but family helps more than you might think!  In fact, I would try and continue to just ignore her comments and show her how you and Allen are in this together, happily!  And when you feel like punching her lights out, just come here and rant!  I used to have a problem w/ my MIL, not so much anymore, I guess she knows I'm not going anywhere.  (I don't think she liked me very much, because I was married before and had two kids...long story, but that pretty much sums it up.)  Not that she was actually nasty to me, but she just didn't talk much to me, but heck I've been married to my husband for 13 yrs. now, so I guess I finally won her over!  At least my FIL always liked me, but he passed...Crying  Just hang in there and remember, come here to rant, and for her...put on that happy face.  If she bugs you too much on the computer...just don't go on, or don't respond.  If she calls, tell her you were cleaning, walking the dog, doing laundry, anything, just to satisfy her and keep your sanity!  Good Luck, and we're here for ya! 

    • Gold Top Dog

     Dood!  Sugar coat yourself... I know you can be sarcastic and 'play' with people when you want to.  Save your conversations with her if they happen on MSN and show them to Allen so she has nothing to go to him with about you.  At least nothing he doesnt' already know.  Allen loves you.  That much is obvious.  Eventually she'll get it.  And if she doesn't, and instead decides to play 'Kate Roberts' forever, well then he can deal with it.  And he will.  And the next time you talk to her, take a shot of something everytime she says,"Allen said" or any variation of that.  By the time you're done, we should all have a pretty hard time understanding your rant thread!  LOL

    Oh ya, and if you right click on her name, there is a block option down near the bottom.  Use that... and quit hiding on ME!!!!!! 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Think maybe MIL needs a hobby?? Or a life??

    Joyce

    • Gold Top Dog

    thanks for being understanding Stick out tongue i still feel kinda dumb for complaining like that but the whole thanksgiving thing is how old now?  

    i know Allen has blocked her a time or two on his MSN but the woman has ways of finding things out about it... thats the problem with family/friends using the same messenger service.. so unless you block everyone in that particular circle someone is going to tattle on you.. its just easier to hide sometimes! and yes i love that "Sign on Invisible" feature! 

    and i've gotten past the point of listening and nodding.... when she wants to talk drama, or tries to rant at me about her sinful oldest grandaughter and her sinful dad(my husband) i just try to change the subject. she's very religious but a bit contradictory... BUT i use that to my advantage. when she brings up her grand daughter and all of her sins i just say "Well maybe one day she'll repent and ask for God's forgiveness... thats all you can really hope for." ... and that stifles her!!! but its getting harder and harder to bite my tongue.. i swear if she even implies one more time that Allen got everything he deserved for every bad thing he's ever done (he isnt the world's luckiest man. not by any stretch of the imagination) i'm gonna take her out at the knees....

    too bad i couldnt use that line today lol i did end up telling Allen.. mostly just rehashing what was said, he repeated it just like i remembered... then he sighed, kinda laughed and said "Just tell her I said that any future conversations about family are to be done over the phone or in person..... that way you'll know for sure what the tone is" ....

    oh about the phone.. heh.. she thinks something is wrong with it because we never answer it... Thank God for Toddlers!!! between the two of them pushing buttons, unplugging things, hiding the phone.... its a miracle anyone can contact us! 

    i hate phones anyway.. but i really miss caller ID

    anyway thanks again guys... i'm feelin better now..  but certainly going to have to adjust some features on MSN and just... rehearse lines.... i threatened Allen before not to leave me alone with his mother when we go to visit.. she preaches, and she thinks shes the only one that knows anything about health and diet (i took more than few classes in high school so i'm NOT ignorant.. and i get my info from the source, not just AOL news or something i read in an email)

     Wish we could move somtimes.. i wouldnt mind being neighbours to Allens brother in Wisconsin.. however i'm not sure the bullies would like the snow too much lol

    • Gold Top Dog

    Here's a good line to buy some time:

    "Let me pray on that and get back to you."

     

    Hmmm . . .

    Here's another that might come in handy "Well, I'm sure Jesus will forgive him."

     

    • Gold Top Dog

    i like both of those :D the first time i mentioned religion it threw me off when she had nothing more to say... secret weapon perhaps?

     

    • Gold Top Dog

    Are you sure we don't have the same MIL? The only good thing is my mil doesn't know how to turn on a computer lol  My mother in law likes to use the died sister card on my husband any time she feels her son isn't doing something her way.  I know its hard but hang in there us DILs must hang stronge. Allen will someday see his mother for the person she really is.