Richs Plea

    • Gold Top Dog

    Richs Plea


    Rich asked me to write this and get as many people to read it as possible. I know it sounds preachy but here it is anyway.
    My husband is 60 years old and is dying of oral cancer. We have been married for 27 years. I`m 46 years old and have been smoking since I was 14 years old.
    Let me tell you about that long miserable death you may be facing if you cont. to smoke. My husband is slowly going though it right now. He has oral cancer. The treatment recommended involved a 12 hour operation to remove most of his tongue and the lymph nodes in his neck. They would have taken a flap of muscle from his arm to rebuilt his tongue and neck. After the surgery they wanted to do radiation every weekday for 6 weeks plus chemo. He would have had a tube to breathe though and be fed though a tube. All of this would have given him a 20 percent chance of surviving for 5 years. This would have dropped to less than 5 if he cont. to smoke.
    However due to other damage from his 45 year habit this is out of the question. When he went to a cardiologist to get clearance for the surgery he found out due to smoking he would need heart bypass surgery first to even be considered a candidate for the surgery for the cancer. He decided not to do it.
    So now he is receiving hospice care. The cancer in his mouth is growing. He has difficulty talking, eating and is on major painkillers than don`t always work. He can`t close his mouth and is constantly drooling. I could go on but I think you get the idea.
    This is what convinced me to quit. Smoking is not worth it!
    Update on Rich. 9/4
    We have been told the end is near. 2 hours to 2 weeks. possibly by bleeding to death. The cancer had broken though a vein once and will soon break though an artery. If that happens it won`t stop.
    update on Rich 10/7
    Its over a month since the doc said 2 hours to 2 weeks. He has had 4 more episodes of profuse bleeding. The tumor in his mouth is now breaking through the skin on the bottom on his chin.
    Update on Rich 11/15
    His face is horribly disfigured now. The tumor under his chin is protuding about 3 inchs and is about 4 inchs around. It has a few open areas that seep blood. The whole thing is scabbed over and black in color. He also has a large tumor on the lymph node on his neck. This is by his carotid artery. This is the one they say may be causing the personality change by blocking the bloodflow to his brain. This horrible disease is turning him into someone I don`t know.
    Update on Rich 11/21
    Yesterday everytime he attempted to swallow he bleed a little. Got his pain meds switched to a patch. He is unable to eat or drink at this point, Then he woke up from a nap bleeding profusely. Had to pack his mouth with surigel. He really isn`t himself anymore and is verbally abusive. At least with his mouth packed he was unable to talk.  (gotta laugh whenever possible )
    Update on Rich 11/26
    The tumor on his neck bleeds profusely each time the bandage is changed. He is alert and aware and very scared when this happens. I can usually get it under control pretty rapidly but sometimes its not so rapid. Yesterday he insisted I get the hospice nurse to do it cuz I just didn`t know what I was doing. The on call hospice nurse came , it bled profusely she passed out and I had to get it under control. He told me how much he loved and appreciated me then:) He has not smoked since the 21st. He attemted to smoke that day with blood pouring out of his mouth, he couldn`t do it and i guess looking at the bloody cig finnaly turned off the desire.
    Update 11/29
    His mouth is just one big sore now, He is unable to even take the Roxanol for the pain. This is morphine that you just put in your mouth and it is absorbed. No need to swallow but not meant to be put on an open sore.His pain level is `between an 8 and a 9` Since he remains at home they do not provide shots. We are waiting on morphine gel athat is given by rubbing it into the wrist. He is only taking sips of fluids and eatting ice cream for the last few days. Since we got a humidifier he hasn`t bled when he swallowed.

     

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    You both are in my prayers, thank you for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to got through this. You are a strong woman!
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    I'm going to mark this link and pass it on to all those I know who smoke.  I'm not going to 'forward' it -- that would look too much like all the urban legends we all get and ignore.  I'm just going to send this and say "A friend of mine whose husband smokes sent me this".  And let THEM read it.

    Julie -- thanks for doing what you're doing for Rich.  You ARE making a difference.  Tell Rich, please, that HE is making a difference.

    A lot of people won't say.  A lot of people may read this and never say a word because they can't ... or they're scared ... or don't want to think about it.  But they WILL read it.  And they'll know this is the reality many face. 

    It's common now, with so many public areas being "non-smoking" to see people using smokeless tobacco now.  They're prime targets for this. 

    Tell Rich he is making a difference. 

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    ottoluv
    You both are in my prayers, thank you for sharing this. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to got through this. You are a strong woman!

     

    Ditto that.

    Rich's message has renewed my commitment not to smoke!  My grandpa smoked himself to 4 massive heart attacks and a coma but is still kicking (with heart problems).  Younger, healthier people have died from less.  My dad smoked himself to a large tumor behind his ear before he was 40 years old, and he was lucky too because he wasn't supposed to be able to smile ever again after surgery, but for some reason the nerves remained intact.

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    Thank you for posting this. A few months ago I finally convinced my father who had been a 30 year smoker to quit. And he did it cold turkey! I will show this post to my stepmother and see if it doesn't motivate her, also.
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    Thank you for sharing this.  It is so hard to watch a loved one go through this.  My father in law smoked for 30 something years.  He quit about 3 years before he got pancreatic cancer which spread to his liver and the tumor was a very aggresive grower.  From the date that we found out he had it to the date that he died was exactly two months and it was horribly painful to watch him suffer the way you are having to do.  I hope for a peaceful passing for Rich.  You have both been in my thoughts for months now. 

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    You're in my prayers, the strength it must take to face this disease is incomprehensible.

    I wish and pray for peace for you both, a painless passing for Rich and the peace, energy and strength for you to handle such a difficult time.

    You may feel you're alone, but I'm sure you have no idea how many people are wishing you well at this time, praying and thinking of you both. I say this as this is my first time posting to you, but you've been in my prayers for months. And by sharing this, hopefully you've changed the course of someone else's life.

    God bless you both.
     

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    Julie, you and Rich have been in my  thoughts and prayers since you first posted about this. You're both doing such a wonderful thing ... using this tragedy to try and help other people.  If even one person reading this stops smoking because of it, you will have accomplished something incredible. You are a strong woman and I know you'll find the strength to deal with whatever comes your way.

    Joyce

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    Thank you guys. Being a 2 pack a day smoker before this happened, I know how hard it is to quit and how people preaching at me  about itjust made me tune out. Rich also felt that way until his doctor told him not to bother quitting. Thats a shocking thing to hear from a doctor.

    Your prayers and well wishes mean so much to me  and bring tears to my eyes and Callie I printed out one e-mail you sent me and It conts to help when I start feeling weak.

    Rich awareness comes and goes now, The gels work well for pain control. The tumor on his chin has sloughed off and is one hugh sore now, The smell is terrible yet there is times Rich has no idea what is going on, Sometimes he thinks it healing because its not a tumor anymore others he says "something is wrong with me, maybe I should go to the doctor." Thoses times really make me cry. When he is aware he is dying he comforts me talking about the love ones he will see. He is an amazing guy.

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     Thank you for sharing.  I am so sorry the two of you are going through this.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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     You are an amazing person for being able to pour out your heart and emotions to try to help others at such an incredibly difficult time in your life. I cannot even begin to imagine what you must be going through. But please keep in mind that Rich knows and appreciates everything that you are doing for him, and that all of us are here for you. Your strength is inspiring, truly. You and Rich will certainly be in my prayers.

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    I will pray for you.  My boyfriend's father recently passed away from a stroke from smoking.  He was in his late 50's.  My boyfriend was his caretaker for almost two years.  Hospice was an up and down battle.  One week he was days from dying, the next he was too healthy to be on it.  He was on hospice for like a year.  His mood changed a lot too.  It is great what you are doing for him.

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    i'm sending this to my husband. i feel like if he doesnt quit now then we'll be in the same position as you and your husband.... he doesnt see a need to quit because, as he puts it.. statistics arent always right. and because he had two uncles, one smoked and one didnt. they both died in their upper 70's and the non smoke died first.. and the "only reason" the smoker died was from heart failure..... but his uncle was ALSO unable to breath without help.... had to carry a bottle of air everywhere with him. my husband over looks that.

     

     

    .... yep... going to show this to him. must be nice to be oblivious!! 

     

    we'll be thinking of you and praying for both of you guys too. this is a horrible position and its true love that lets you stick close to someone during this period. i know several people who would have just dumped in a nursing home.. God Bless you both! 

    • Gold Top Dog

    Blessing upon you both.  May you find support and strength in the effort to help others.  Prayers for relief and a gentle transition.

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    Julie--You are a true example of living your marriage vows.  I am just blown away by your ability to deal with this when hospice nurses can't. 

    I think about your husband often and am praying for a peaceful passing for him, hopefully in his sleep.