They don't need another dog! Isn't neglecting the two they have enough?

Animal Control can ticket for no liscense and no rabies.  If they were to see the poodle in matted condition they might be able to do something there.  I can ask my friend who is in animal control.
Personally, I think you need to move on with your own life and get involved in a hobby and maybe some counseling.
Unfortunately we cannot control other situations other then our own.

So, now it's time to concentrate on yourself. You need real life friends in your life. They are so important to have apart from a husband or family. How about a co-worker to go to lunch with?? Maybe take a class in something you enjoy, or join a gym and take a class. Get some "me" time for yourself and enjoy your own animals and home. Sometimes things are just out of our control and stressing over them is not healthy for you. Have you sought out any type of counseling for yourself regarding the unhealthy relationship with your parents?? Depending on your finances, you may be able to find free help or at least low cost counseling. It's worth a try and would help you immensely.

 
I have online friends to talk to, and if I wanted, old high school friends that I could call. I don't feel horribly alone and friendless. The truth is I'm not a particularly social person and I aliented most of the friends I had. I don't have a hard time making friends, I just never feel like leaving the house so eventually they stop calling. No big deal, on the rare occasion I actually feel like going out, I do have people I can call.
 
I don't work, so co-workers are out. Can't take a class or go to the gym either. I know I've mentioned it before, but I have TERRIBLE anxiety problems so doing anything in which I actually have to interact with people is pretty much out. (And to everyone who PMed or E-mailed me about anxiety issues, I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. I have a rough time talking about my problems, and it's difficult for me to start a response. I'll be answering all of your messages ASAP.)
 
As for counseling...I really don't like talking about my problems that much, to be honest. Sitting in front of someone and telling them my life story would be difficult...especially since my parents have convinced me that I've twisted everything in my head, and *I'm* the one that's caused all of the problems. It took all of my friends, and my husband (boyfriend at the time) to intervene and convince me otherwise. It was quite an eye opener when I realized I wasn't the horrible persont hat they'd convinced me I was.
 
What I *do* want to do is see a doctor. I know for a fact that I'm mildly autistic (asperger's.) That's the only thing that's actually been diagnosed, and that was years ago. I have serious hormonal problems which have caused me alot of health problems, crippling anxiety, and I'm fairly sure I've been seriously depressed for most of my life...to the point where I'm doing good if I manage to get stay out of bed for longer than 5 or 6 hours at a time. I'm getting ready to line up some doctor's appointments and start getting things worked out. I'm finally getting sick of trying to manage things on my own.
 

Animal Control can ticket for no liscense and no rabies. If they were to see the poodle in matted condition they might be able to do something there. I can ask my friend who is in animal control.

 
Either way, I can't report them for reasons stated above. I'd really rather focus on preventing them from getting another dog in the future.
 

Personally, I think you need to move on with your own life and get involved in a hobby and maybe some counseling.

 
I really hope you didn't mean for the to come across as snarky as I interpreted it. I don't think you did, so I'm going to go based on that assumption.
 
I really hope that I don't come across as this mopey, useless shell of a person that sits around in her house all day afraid to go outside and afraid to talk to anyone. That isn't that case at all. I have a TON of hobbies. If anything, my hobbies keep me from being more social. I know I've mentioned it before, but I bred fancy rats for 6 years. From the time I was 13, 'till earlier this year when I chose to quit for many reasons. I did this ENTIRELY on my own- obviously I had no financial or emotional support from my parents. I'm the youngest responsible, REPUTABLE rat breeder I've ever come across, and I'm extremely active in the rat community. When I was 13 I sat down, taught myself rat specific genetics, saved my money to buy good foundation stock, and when I was ready, bred carefully and towards very specific goals. I con honestly say that I'm one of the few breeders that I've heard of- probably one of the very few in the country- whose rats had an average lifespan of at LEAST 3 years and sometimes longer. I also bred beautiful, typey, show quality rats. I built some amazing lines that I am incredibly proud of. I also did occasional rescue, and saved the lives of MANY homeless and/or abused rats. I did this all on my own, with money that I'd earned, against the will of my parents. More than once I risked them literally throwing me out on the street because I refused to stop working with my rats. That counts as a pretty hardcore hobby, if you ask me. []
 
I was also very involved with the art program at my high school, president of several art related clubs, and had tons of extracurricular activities that I was involved in. I went to college on a full ride art scholorship, which I ended up giving up when my anxiety got to be too much of a problem for me to go to class. Still, I spend ALOT of time drawing and painting and there's a good chance I'll have some illustrations published before long.
 
I'm also really into taxidermy. Yep, taxidermy.[]
 
I crochet, knit, sculpt, cook, and garden. I raise my own chickens for meat. And of course, all of my other pets require an insane amount of care- basically, I have no shortage of things to do. Often, I just don't have the energy or motivation to do them. Like I said, I have reason to believe that I'm mostly likely severely depressed.
 
I left, against my parent's will, last year. I got married, went out, and started my own life. I am NOT the weak person that some of my posts make me out to be. I avoid my parents if at all possible, and I don't let them control my life. It's when I DO come into contact with them that all of my old habits return and I find myself immediately cowed by anything that they say. All I have to do is work on reminding myself, while in their presence, that they're wrong.
 
Anyway, I REALLY didn't expect this thread to turn into a discussion of my various personal and emotional problems. I don't really know how to address this stuff, since I didn't expect it to come up. Suffice it to say, I know these problems are there, and I know they need to be resolved. Right now, yes I am a shut-in that has trouble functioning out in the real world. I'll get over it. My life really isn't that hard, and I really feel that I have no room to complain given what some people go through. I've had it good, comparitively.
 
Things will get better. I have an awesome husband, an awesome animal family, and some great online friends. It'll take me some time, but eventually, I'll be fine. I've got no worries about that. []

sounds like the poor golden has mange. If he does, and is not receiving vet care, animal control will probably seize both dogs and possibly prevent your parents from getting another dog.

Ratsicles, my heart is hurting for you!  Your parents were completely wrong in what they did to you. Emotional abuse is, I think, far worse than physical abuse, because you can recover from physical damage, whereas emotional damage can take Y E A R S to overcome (speaking from experience here). 

I think the best thing to do here is cut all ties with your parents.  They  are no good for you, especially your mother.  While I know you have a strong attachment to her- it's because she has you under her control.  SHe's ridiculous.  She has devalued her own child for only her own personal gain.  What a terrible thing to do.  What a selfish thing to do.

And by LAW she cannot neglect her animals and she MUST provide veterinary care. My heart breaks seeing hte little poodle- they have so much love to give, and I can see the pain in her eyes.  Wish you could sneak her out and send her up to me!

Unfortunately for the dogs, you will probably have to just step away and leave your parents to themselves. It's sad for the dogs, but it's more important for you to view yourself as an important person, worthy of love and respect, a person who adores her animals and her husband. 

Counselling can seem a bit intimidating or it might seem like you're whining to someone, but sometimes they can give you a fresh perspective on life.

I want you to know I'm thinking of you.  I hope you know how great of a person you are. And everything terrible your parents made you feel is a LIE.  None of that ever applied to you, ever.  You have far more grace and beauty (inner and outer) than both your parents combined ever will.   You can still love them, but let them go, it's for the best.  And then you can start to breathe again.

My best to you!

Wow, just...wow. 

Some things are just out of our control and it won't do any good to beat yourself up over their dogs.  I know it must be hard to see them in the condition that they're in, but there really isn't too much you can do about it.  Sometimes, as sad as it is, "out of sight, out of mind" may just have to be your mantra.  Don't go over there, don't be put in the position to feel bad about it, and for goodness sake, try your best to not feel personally responsible for the situation at their house.  I know as an animal lover, that's a hard thing to do, but unless a solid solution/answer presents itself, that may just be the best thing for you. 

As sad as it is, there are dogs with far worse living conditions (although, it may not seem like it) than your parent's dogs.  We simply can't save them all.  It just isn't humanly possible.  We can be good parents to the ones we have and do our best to volunteer/foster/whatever-else-is-within-our-means.

I know it sucks, this situation you're in.  Please just know that as good doggie moms and dads, we empathize with you and we want you to please feel free to rant on!  I would. 

Wow, what a hard situaton. My only suggestion is that since the dogs aren't up to date on shots and licensed, you could maybe find someway for them to have to do that? Isn't a Rabies shot required in most states? And there might be laws about a license too. So....if you could find some way for them to have to go to the vet to get these shots...and then maybe once a vet saw them, they'd have to get more care? I'm not sure about where you're at, but I know here they have laws about Rabies vaccinations (at least) and a license.

Brittany, there may not be much you can do now. Just remember though, someday they'll get old and you'll be in the position of finding them a nursing home! [sm=evilfire.gif] Then you can tell them this when they complain:

We just have different priorities, and that's okay. You spend your money on what you want, and I'll spend mine on what I want."

[]

ORIGINAL: jenhuedepohl

Brittany, there may not be much you can do now. Just remember though, someday they'll get old and you'll be in the position of finding them a nursing home! [sm=evilfire.gif] Then you can tell them this when they complain:

We just have different priorities, and that's okay. You spend your money on what you want, and I'll spend mine on what I want."

LOL That's SO true!

ORIGINAL: jenhuedepohl

Brittany, there may not be much you can do now. Just remember though, someday they'll get old and you'll be in the position of finding them a nursing home! [sm=evilfire.gif] Then you can tell them this when they complain:

We just have different priorities, and that's okay. You spend your money on what you want, and I'll spend mine on what I want."

 
That is AWESOME!  [sm=clapping%20hands%20smiley.gif]

Hmmm.  Tell them how much English Bulldogs "drool."  Tell them how they are very prone to yeast infections and, therefore, they'd have to be very careful about his diet-no wheat.  Tell them English Bulldogs tend to get joint problems.  Tell them every bad thing about every dog they every mentioned and maybe, just maybe you'll talk them out of getting another dog.

Wow, I have friend's like this, but not parents. 

ORIGINAL: Ratsicles

If I reported them, they'd know imediately who was responsible for it. Theyd on't have many friends so no one ever comes over or sees the dogs, and I've threatened to report them more than once. If I reported them, they'd probably never speak to me again. I know that that may not sound like such a bad thing, but my parents did an excelant job of making me very highly dependant on them- convincing me that I was/am completely incapable of doing anything without them. How I ever managed to get out and get married, I don't know. But the point is, whether I should be or not, I'm terrified of making my parents angry at me. I'm only 19...and only just moved out in August. They still do their best to make me feel like an incapable child who can't do anything on my own. I actually have night terrors about my mother dying or abandoning me. It's that bad. They created ALOT of emotional problems for me, being as crazy as they are. Now I'm just trying to deal with them.


I'd LOVE to take the dogs myself...but the truth is I can't afford it and they'd just get more. Taking care of my four dogs requires VERy careful planning, saving, and budgeting, and I just can't have more right now. I've tried tot alk them into putting them in rescue...but they won't bother. I worry if I push too hard they'll dump them at the pound or worse, somewhere out in the country.

Are your parents still paying for somethings?  Like tuition or car or insurance?  If so, here's a little advice...
My father and step-mother are similiar to your parents in that they held everything they could over my head to get me to give into their wishes.  Here's an example; my father wanted me to major in music.  I tried it for a year, hated it and wanted to go into advertising.  My father threatened to stop paying for my tuition if I didn't continue in music.  He even called my advisor on campus and talked her into "advising" me to stay in music.  She literally said "At 19, I don't think you should push your parents away by not following their wishes."  So, I told him I didn't want his money (with a letter). I transfered to a Purdue (less expensive).  I found that with Subsidized Loans, which you don't pay off until after you graduate, going to college and living independently is doable on $11,000 a year, which is what I made.  You're married, so it will be easier for you (According to Federal Finacial Aid, you can not register as independent, meaning you still have to use your parents income when you fill out the forms, unless you older than 23, married, or just out of the military.)

After a couple years of refusing to let them pay for anything, they finally realized I was a big girl.  Now my father and I have a great relationship.  He's actually proud of me.  He gives me advice, but very rarely tells me what to do.

I  know how it feels.  But you can do it.  It's easier than you could ever imagine.

How long have you been married?  Is your husband very supportive of you and what you want to do?
I sincerely wish you the best...if you cannot convince your parents otherwise on the dog then you can't.  I think you need to focus on your new life with your husband and yourself now.

Maybe you could go and warn every breeder and pet store in the area about your parents.  They most likely wouldn't get through with a rescue or a shelter.  Show them the pictures that you showed us.  Even irresponsible breeders usually have some concern for thier puppies.  You could also write a letter to the editor of your local paper, generalizing abusive pet owners that don't provide vet care to their animals.

I don't agree with the mange on the golden.  If it was mange, the poodle would get it as well, as would your dogs if they were in contact.  That is unless the rest are on some kind of Revolution or something.

Whew!  How do you type all that?!  Anyway, I'm sorry about your parents and their *pets*.  Too bad you can't take them yourself, but you already have a full house and you just recently got that puppy.  By the way, how is Sgt. Butter?

I think the best thing to do here is cut all ties with your parents.  They  are no good for you, especially your mother.  While I know you have a strong attachment to her- it's because she has you under her control.  SHe's ridiculous.  She has devalued her own child for only her own personal gain.  What a terrible thing to do.  What a selfish thing to do.

I agree. Until I was around 17ish, I was entirely convinced that I was this horrible person who was entirely incapable of interacting with other human beings, or doing anything on my own. Finally, my boyfriend (now husband) and a bunch of my other friends intervened and helped me realize that my parents are NUTS.

I am slowly distancing myself from my parents. I moved two hours away from them and usually only see them every other month, once a month at most. I'm trying to cut it down to even fewer than that.

 
My only suggestion is that since the dogs aren't up to date on shots and licensed, you could maybe find someway for them to have to do that? Isn't a Rabies shot required in most states? And there might be laws about a license too. So....if you could find some way for them to have to go to the vet to get these shots...and then maybe once a vet saw them, they'd have to get more care? I'm not sure about where you're at, but I know here they have laws about Rabies vaccinations (at least) and a license.

It's definitely the law where they lived that all dogs be UTD on shots and licensed. Maybe I'll save up enough to cover their shots and offer to pay for it...and then if my mother agrees to take them, the vet will manage to shame her into having their other problems seen about. My parents can't STAND to look bad in public, so maybe it would embarrass them enough to actually do something about it. That's definitely a possibility.

Brittany, there may not be much you can do now. Just remember though, someday they'll get old and you'll be in the position of finding them a nursing home! [sm=evilfire.gif] Then you can tell them this when they complain:




[blockquote]quote:

We just have different priorities, and that's okay. You spend your money on what you want, and I'll spend mine on what I want."[/blockquote]

Very true! [sm=biggrin.gif]

Hmmm.  Tell them how much English Bulldogs "drool."  Tell them how they are very prone to yeast infections and, therefore, they'd have to be very careful about his diet-no wheat.  Tell them English Bulldogs tend to get joint problems.  Tell them every bad thing about every dog they every mentioned and maybe, just maybe you'll talk them out of getting another dog.

Wouldn't make a difference. Again, telling them about the breed's health problems doesn't matter since they would never bother "Wasting" money on vet bills. If the dog got sick, or was suddenlly no longer visually appealing to them, they'd just stick it in the backyard, feed it, and otherwise pretend it didn't exist.

Are your parents still paying for somethings?  Like tuition or car or insurance? 

Nope, not at all. I am completely independant from my parents. In fact, when I WAS going to school, I was there on a full ride art scholarship- so they didn't even have to pay for anything then. I rely on my parents for absolutely nothing- have never had to ask them for money (and wouldn't even if I needed it) never asked them for help on anything...they just make me FEEL as though I'm dependant on them for everything, even though I'm obviously not. I'm basically brainwashed.

How long have you been married?  Is your husband very supportive of you and what you want to do?

I've been married for 6 months, but have been with my husband since I was 15. We were very, very close friends for a long time before that. Yes, he's absolutely supportive of anything and everything I want to do. I couldn't ask for a better husband. I seriously lucked out with him.

Maybe you could go and warn every breeder and pet store in the area about your parents.  They most likely wouldn't get through with a rescue or a shelter.  Show them the pictures that you showed us.  Even irresponsible breeders usually have some concern for thier puppies.  You could also write a letter to the editor of your local paper, generalizing abusive pet owners that don't provide vet care to their animals.

If they go the pet store route, they'll most likely go to Petland, in which case I doubt they'll care. BUT, if they get one out of the classifieds (which is more likely) I would definitely be able to warn the "breeder" beforehand. Most likely, my mother will show me the ad and want me to go look at the puppies with her. So, I could probably get the phone number and call beforehand and tell them about my parents. That could definitely work. []

I don't agree with the mange on the golden.  If it was mange, the poodle would get it as well, as would your dogs if they were in contact.  That is unless the rest are on some kind of Revolution or something.

My dogs are on Advantage, but the poodle isn't on anything. I don't think it's mange either- I think it was a very severe food allergy. After I convinced me mother to change her diet, she made HUGE improvements, and 90% of her hair has grown back. She looks MUCH better now than she did in the pictures, so that's something at least.

By the way, how is Sgt. Butter?

Doing great. [] He's HUGE, 22 pounds now at 10 weeks, and he's super smart. He loves pulling, so I've been introducing him to the basics of springpole and starting to develop his bite- nothing major until he's about 18 months, but I want him to at least have the basics down. I've also been introducing him to a harness, and letting him drag empty soda bottles around, since I'd like to do weight pulling with him when he's old enough, as long as he checks out okay healthwise.. If not competitively (I'm not sure if dogs have to be registered or not to compete, I think they do) then at least at home as a fun pastime and to keep him in shape. []